coming to you live from seattle!!!!!!!!!
yeah, i'm here w/ megan @ ryan's house (ryan's of serene--read the review of their new cd here ) it's bee-yew-tiful. like totally. we are having a blast. ryan got a mohawk, which i'll be posting pictures of when i get a chance. i have a feeling megan & i are not gonna want to leave...
we're doing bumbershoot today w/ eric of serene. then we're hooking up w/ rosie thomas & her guitar player eric fisher before they leave tomorrow for a 7 week u.k. tour. we didn't even know rosie was still in town until denison called megan and told her. so i'm glad we're gonna have a chance to see her. weird since i just quoted her lyrics and have been listening to a lot of her stuff lately. it's all good...
ok. more later, maybe photos too. bye!
yeah, i'm here w/ megan @ ryan's house (ryan's of serene--read the review of their new cd here ) it's bee-yew-tiful. like totally. we are having a blast. ryan got a mohawk, which i'll be posting pictures of when i get a chance. i have a feeling megan & i are not gonna want to leave...
we're doing bumbershoot today w/ eric of serene. then we're hooking up w/ rosie thomas & her guitar player eric fisher before they leave tomorrow for a 7 week u.k. tour. we didn't even know rosie was still in town until denison called megan and told her. so i'm glad we're gonna have a chance to see her. weird since i just quoted her lyrics and have been listening to a lot of her stuff lately. it's all good...
ok. more later, maybe photos too. bye!
so i'm leaving for seattle this morning. i haven't been asleep since tuesday morning. i am thinking about that seat on the plane w/ my name on it and the 4 hour flight to seattle. that's lots of opportunity for sleep right there. i hope i remember what my name is. my brain is so frazzled right now...SOMEHOW i got my files for hewitt associates created so i can keep my job now. anyways, i'm still packing, so...later...
oh yeah, we had folks over at my apartment yesterday to watch fight club. now is that a big pizza or what? that's ken bonner playing my guitar. he broke my g-string. good thing i still had another one.
been listening to the gloria record's start here album like over & over again
s/t--serene
straightaways--son volt
100 broken windows--idlewild
VoL mix
very emergency--TPR
s/t ep--downcast (that's ken bonner's band)
oh yeah, we had folks over at my apartment yesterday to watch fight club. now is that a big pizza or what? that's ken bonner playing my guitar. he broke my g-string. good thing i still had another one.
been listening to the gloria record's start here album like over & over again
s/t--serene
straightaways--son volt
100 broken windows--idlewild
VoL mix
very emergency--TPR
s/t ep--downcast (that's ken bonner's band)
playing the gloria record's "good morning providence" REALLY LOUD...
other stuff i listened to today--
very emergency--the promise ring (capri sun & pop tarts & very emergency w/ the windows rolled down on the way to work--that's my tuesday ritual now...yeah, done it twice and now it's a ritual...)
s/t--serene
start here--the gloria record
hey zeus--x
VoL mix
nobody knows this is everywhere--764-hero
uhm...i forget what else i listened to today
other stuff i listened to today--
very emergency--the promise ring (capri sun & pop tarts & very emergency w/ the windows rolled down on the way to work--that's my tuesday ritual now...yeah, done it twice and now it's a ritual...)
s/t--serene
start here--the gloria record
hey zeus--x
VoL mix
nobody knows this is everywhere--764-hero
uhm...i forget what else i listened to today
so yesterday someone asked me a serious question. he asked me what i needed to feel cherished. i didn't know how to answer that question. then as i was driving home back to my apartment, i was reminded of rosie thomas's song october from her 'when we were small' cd. i'll just put the lyrics here, but if you like joni mitchell and denison witmer you should check her out. you can download songs on her website. she plays the most serious music but her live shows are hilarious cuz she's also a stand up comic. anyways, i digress...here are the lyrics:
october
make her a flower in late december
when the sun is not shining on her
write her a love song and play it all day long
to remind her of all that she is worth
but never never leave her
take her on long drives for ice cream by sea sides
and give her your coat when she is cold
tell her you miss her when you're close enough to kiss her
and that you'd walk a thousand miles to tell her so
but never never leave her
take photographs of her on brooklyn street in october
when her nervous smile is slightly curved
somedays when she is slightly down tell her it's o.k. to frown
it makes you just fall more in love with her
but never never leave her
so yeah, and i guess that's it. maybe plus stay up w/ me till the wee hours and then go to that place where i go to watch the sun rise over lake michigan as the sky becomes a burning bush on the waters and then drive with me to michigan state and hang out and watch the sun fall below the horizon and then go back to chicago and do it all over again. and let me pick the cds. and let me sit on the passenger side. and instead of an expensive bouquet from the florist find me that one perfect daisy that's got my name on it hidden on the floor of the forest preserves far away from the city. respect my interests in music instead of openly despising my bands. show a little sympathy when i'm puking my guts out after getting drunk. let me lollygag when we walk so i can see my photographs and capture them to take home with me instead of rushing me past pieces of my heart scattered all around me that i know how to gather only with my camera. and when someone i love lies dying in a sterile hospital bed, gently push past my stubborn self-reliance and give me a shoulder to cry on and arms to fall into. so there's the answer i couldn't come up with yesterday. or eight years ago.
october
make her a flower in late december
when the sun is not shining on her
write her a love song and play it all day long
to remind her of all that she is worth
but never never leave her
take her on long drives for ice cream by sea sides
and give her your coat when she is cold
tell her you miss her when you're close enough to kiss her
and that you'd walk a thousand miles to tell her so
but never never leave her
take photographs of her on brooklyn street in october
when her nervous smile is slightly curved
somedays when she is slightly down tell her it's o.k. to frown
it makes you just fall more in love with her
but never never leave her
so yeah, and i guess that's it. maybe plus stay up w/ me till the wee hours and then go to that place where i go to watch the sun rise over lake michigan as the sky becomes a burning bush on the waters and then drive with me to michigan state and hang out and watch the sun fall below the horizon and then go back to chicago and do it all over again. and let me pick the cds. and let me sit on the passenger side. and instead of an expensive bouquet from the florist find me that one perfect daisy that's got my name on it hidden on the floor of the forest preserves far away from the city. respect my interests in music instead of openly despising my bands. show a little sympathy when i'm puking my guts out after getting drunk. let me lollygag when we walk so i can see my photographs and capture them to take home with me instead of rushing me past pieces of my heart scattered all around me that i know how to gather only with my camera. and when someone i love lies dying in a sterile hospital bed, gently push past my stubborn self-reliance and give me a shoulder to cry on and arms to fall into. so there's the answer i couldn't come up with yesterday. or eight years ago.
ok. lots of catchup to do.
so saturday night connolly & i went to the empty bottle to see duvall (with josh caterer formerly of the smoking popes). the band that opened up for them was called the watchers. i don't even know how to begin to describe them. first off, the guys were dressed in white dress shirts and dress pants and dress shoes.
then they come on stage banging on cowbells. their music/execution was like the talking heads meets guided by voices (specifically the antics of bob pollard) meets james brown. it was funk infused crazy and totally FUN!!! this is the type of band that makes your body start moving. they're doing a dance party @ the empty bottle on monday 9/23 so go check them out and find out for yourself if you can keep your body still when these guys are doin' their thing.
ok. so duvall--josh caterer the frontman used to be w/ the smoking popes and now his new outfit is duvall. they've been around for maybe a year now, and i'd been hearing about them from various people that i had to check 'em out, and so i finally did, and i'm totally glad i did. josh has the perfect pop voice, and the band plays some ferocious music. i think it's his brother eli on guitar and then mike formerly of alkaline trio on drums and john sewell on bass. josh made the sad announcement that mike & john were playing their last duvall show that night, so he and eli would have to regroup and figure out what to do w/ the band. josh writes totally catchy songs that are really singable (and y'all know i like the singable stuff!) but they're not just a pop band--they rock & roll, baby! i love the rock & roll...
i got both the cds they had for duvall, the ep and the split cd they did w/ seville. josh seems so sweet. he even let a friend of his sing a song w/ the band for his girlfriend and then propose to her. i'm not one for public proposals personally, but it was still very nice of josh to let his friend do that. and then he sang this song for both of them like a song of blessing over their marriage. didn't take much to make a fan out of me. i just hope to catch them at a venue w/ better lighting next time.
so sunday HPV met by the beach off of 55th. i was totally tricked into coming to church almost on time cuz i thought they met at 10 but i guess when we meet by the lake it's at 10:30. so i showed up at 11 and i was only half an hour late as opposed to my usual hour. after the service, we had a bbq. yeah, see the guys trying to get that fire lit? that's my housegroup leader peter w/ the knarly tattoo. huh. i didn't know he even had that one.
and that's sam w/ the blonde hair. he's the blonde korean i mentioned previously. and that's ken in the black t. that's not just any old black t. it's a black poor old lu t. so yeah, the bbq was nice. they had veggie burgers (cuz peter & amy are vegetarians too, thank goodness), so i actually got to eat. that's alway a bonus.
it was mikey's birthday sunday, so i called him in boston on my way home from HPV. he was on his way to see the big dig. it sounded like he was having a lot of fun with his friends, so that's good. peter & amy came over to my apartment in the afternoon and we hung out a bit looking through cds and talking about bands and stuff then we went over to the lakeview street festival to see the okgo show. i love outdoor music fests! 
okgo is another one of those bands i've been told to go check out (interestingly enough by the same dude--matt dobschuetz--who told me to go check out duvall). as soon as the band got up there on the stage & started playing, i knew they were going to be fun to photograph. esp. the lead singer. he's gonna be a rock star. yup. ok, so their music is not like serious or anything. i mean, the first song they sang was called 'you're so damn hot.' but man these guys were fun fun fun!!! they're on the same label as the vines, whom i've heard @ the reckless cd listening station and they're awesome. i gave up the vines/okgo concert last july (i had a ticket & everythin) to follow VoL to oshkosh. which i don't regret one bit, even now when i know how fun both acts were that i missed.
i mean, just look at all these pictures. it's really a credit to the band, not the photographer. these were so damn easy to take cuz the music was so much fun. if i don't enjoy the show, i have no motivation to take pictures. and then there's the other end of the spectrum. if i'm totally mesmerized by a band, i'll stop taking pictures after a while and just enjoy the show. 
but that hardly ever happens. i think i did that w/ mark eitzel, but probably cuz i got a dirty look from him cuz he mistakenly thought i'd used a flash on him. (if i ever find the guy who stood behind me and took that flash photo of mark and then disappeared when mark turned his head...grrrr...) well, anyways, yeah. it was a fun show, and i was glad i went w/ peter & amy. the funny thing about peter is that he looks like a rock star. but he can't play or sing, and neither can i. maybe that's why i've gotten along w them so well, cuz i can't play or sing either. one thing's for sure though. we love the music, man. we're totally down w/ the music.
so after the concert, we went back to my apartment and just chilled, listening to music, reading cmj, talking about God and what not. peter went through my cds and amy went for my books. i got to borrow a bunch of cds from peter last week, so i was happy to have him take some of mine. some of the bands peter introduced me to that i like are grandaddy, idaho and modest mouse. oh, and i got to play some more zapruder point for them. i like exposing people to zp. zp deserves such a wider audience. like millions more. anyways, it was fun hanging out w/ peter & amy. they're cool. and they're so cute together, but not in a way that make me nauseous, ya know? i'm learning that there is a bigger ratio of cool people to normal people at HPV than i'm used to in a church setting. for example, i met ken bonner on sunday (well, i'd met him at his apt. back in july when caleb was staying there, but it wasn't that formal of a meeting), and he's got this band called downcast. he was wearing a poor old lu (jesse sprinkle's band) t-shirt, so i went up to talk to him. and sam's cool too. sam's the blonde korean. ok. enough about coolness. it's all about the rawk anyway. whatever. i'm just taking up space here.
stuff i've been listening to--
via satellite--ian moore
s/t--serene
the limitations of the source tape--zapruder point
concrete dunes--grandaddy
everywhere & his nasty parlor--modest mouse
sharpen your teeth--ugly casanova
oh inverted world--the shins
start here--the gloria record
very emergency--the promise ring
hootenany--the replacements
stink--the replacements
cmj july mix
VoL mix
static prevails--jimmy eat world
duvall ep
duvall/seville split cd
okgo little tiny ep
so saturday night connolly & i went to the empty bottle to see duvall (with josh caterer formerly of the smoking popes). the band that opened up for them was called the watchers. i don't even know how to begin to describe them. first off, the guys were dressed in white dress shirts and dress pants and dress shoes. then they come on stage banging on cowbells. their music/execution was like the talking heads meets guided by voices (specifically the antics of bob pollard) meets james brown. it was funk infused crazy and totally FUN!!! this is the type of band that makes your body start moving. they're doing a dance party @ the empty bottle on monday 9/23 so go check them out and find out for yourself if you can keep your body still when these guys are doin' their thing. ok. so duvall--josh caterer the frontman used to be w/ the smoking popes and now his new outfit is duvall. they've been around for maybe a year now, and i'd been hearing about them from various people that i had to check 'em out, and so i finally did, and i'm totally glad i did. josh has the perfect pop voice, and the band plays some ferocious music. i think it's his brother eli on guitar and then mike formerly of alkaline trio on drums and john sewell on bass. josh made the sad announcement that mike & john were playing their last duvall show that night, so he and eli would have to regroup and figure out what to do w/ the band. josh writes totally catchy songs that are really singable (and y'all know i like the singable stuff!) but they're not just a pop band--they rock & roll, baby! i love the rock & roll... i got both the cds they had for duvall, the ep and the split cd they did w/ seville. josh seems so sweet. he even let a friend of his sing a song w/ the band for his girlfriend and then propose to her. i'm not one for public proposals personally, but it was still very nice of josh to let his friend do that. and then he sang this song for both of them like a song of blessing over their marriage. didn't take much to make a fan out of me. i just hope to catch them at a venue w/ better lighting next time. so sunday HPV met by the beach off of 55th. i was totally tricked into coming to church almost on time cuz i thought they met at 10 but i guess when we meet by the lake it's at 10:30. so i showed up at 11 and i was only half an hour late as opposed to my usual hour. after the service, we had a bbq. yeah, see the guys trying to get that fire lit? that's my housegroup leader peter w/ the knarly tattoo. huh. i didn't know he even had that one. and that's sam w/ the blonde hair. he's the blonde korean i mentioned previously. and that's ken in the black t. that's not just any old black t. it's a black poor old lu t. so yeah, the bbq was nice. they had veggie burgers (cuz peter & amy are vegetarians too, thank goodness), so i actually got to eat. that's alway a bonus. it was mikey's birthday sunday, so i called him in boston on my way home from HPV. he was on his way to see the big dig. it sounded like he was having a lot of fun with his friends, so that's good. peter & amy came over to my apartment in the afternoon and we hung out a bit looking through cds and talking about bands and stuff then we went over to the lakeview street festival to see the okgo show. i love outdoor music fests! okgo is another one of those bands i've been told to go check out (interestingly enough by the same dude--matt dobschuetz--who told me to go check out duvall). as soon as the band got up there on the stage & started playing, i knew they were going to be fun to photograph. esp. the lead singer. he's gonna be a rock star. yup. ok, so their music is not like serious or anything. i mean, the first song they sang was called 'you're so damn hot.' but man these guys were fun fun fun!!! they're on the same label as the vines, whom i've heard @ the reckless cd listening station and they're awesome. i gave up the vines/okgo concert last july (i had a ticket & everythin) to follow VoL to oshkosh. which i don't regret one bit, even now when i know how fun both acts were that i missed. i mean, just look at all these pictures. it's really a credit to the band, not the photographer. these were so damn easy to take cuz the music was so much fun. if i don't enjoy the show, i have no motivation to take pictures. and then there's the other end of the spectrum. if i'm totally mesmerized by a band, i'll stop taking pictures after a while and just enjoy the show. but that hardly ever happens. i think i did that w/ mark eitzel, but probably cuz i got a dirty look from him cuz he mistakenly thought i'd used a flash on him. (if i ever find the guy who stood behind me and took that flash photo of mark and then disappeared when mark turned his head...grrrr...) well, anyways, yeah. it was a fun show, and i was glad i went w/ peter & amy. the funny thing about peter is that he looks like a rock star. but he can't play or sing, and neither can i. maybe that's why i've gotten along w them so well, cuz i can't play or sing either. one thing's for sure though. we love the music, man. we're totally down w/ the music. so after the concert, we went back to my apartment and just chilled, listening to music, reading cmj, talking about God and what not. peter went through my cds and amy went for my books. i got to borrow a bunch of cds from peter last week, so i was happy to have him take some of mine. some of the bands peter introduced me to that i like are grandaddy, idaho and modest mouse. oh, and i got to play some more zapruder point for them. i like exposing people to zp. zp deserves such a wider audience. like millions more. anyways, it was fun hanging out w/ peter & amy. they're cool. and they're so cute together, but not in a way that make me nauseous, ya know? i'm learning that there is a bigger ratio of cool people to normal people at HPV than i'm used to in a church setting. for example, i met ken bonner on sunday (well, i'd met him at his apt. back in july when caleb was staying there, but it wasn't that formal of a meeting), and he's got this band called downcast. he was wearing a poor old lu (jesse sprinkle's band) t-shirt, so i went up to talk to him. and sam's cool too. sam's the blonde korean. ok. enough about coolness. it's all about the rawk anyway. whatever. i'm just taking up space here.stuff i've been listening to--
via satellite--ian moore
s/t--serene
the limitations of the source tape--zapruder point
concrete dunes--grandaddy
everywhere & his nasty parlor--modest mouse
sharpen your teeth--ugly casanova
oh inverted world--the shins
start here--the gloria record
very emergency--the promise ring
hootenany--the replacements
stink--the replacements
cmj july mix
VoL mix
static prevails--jimmy eat world
duvall ep
duvall/seville split cd
okgo little tiny ep
you know what i love almost more than anything in the whole wide world? buying a really cheap cd of a band i've never listened to and finding out that i was made to love that band....that happened last night...uh, this morning?...at 4:30 am...i was AIMing w/ kevin h. who was having a bout of sleeplessness, and i discovered teenage fanclub while we chatted. it was quite appropriate that i was talking to kevin cuz TF is one of his favorite bands. i can't describe the sense of satisfaction and sheer joy of falling in love w/ a cd that i'd payed $4 for. like ok, i know i'm way behind the times, like 10 years for the cd i was listening to, but as i was telling someone over coffee today, i listened to crap my whole life until like a year or so ago. good music has changed my life. for the better i hope...
been doing a lot of thinking about a lot of stuff...talked for a long time w/ bruce last night, who had been in california sailing w/ his dad. interestingly enough, while observing his father and the way his dad treated his current wife, i think bruce made a very important self-discovery that will perhaps give him a clue as to the reasons behind the demise of our relationship. perhaps that knowledge will be enough so that he does better next time, but i have my doubts. he's pretty entrenched in his ways. but i believe in miracles, so who knows. i wish the best for him.
i have been feeling the pangs of long-distance friendships. i am going to seattle next week and will be w/ megan, ryan, jesse & ian. not all at once, but you know...jesse & ryan have been told to prepare speeches for megan and me if they want us to move out thataways. we'll see how convincing they are. i'm rather happy in chicago for now...but we'll see. i really like california too. east coast is the only venue i can't do for some reason, even though i've got people i totally love out there, like my best friend josh for one, and caleb & audrey & mikey & my cuzin debbie & my favorite aunt who's like my big sister in new jersey. i'm just hoping all my friends move back to chicago before too long.
yeah, so i was listening to the promise ring's very emergency driving west on armitage, when what do i see but this truck in front of me w/ that sticker, and not only that, i happened to be on track 2 which is the emergency!emergency! song. hehehe. ok, so i didn't have any other photos to post, and i hate looking at plain text on a page, so shoot me. whatever. going to see duvall (descendant of the smoking popes) tonight w/ connolly & olarn. connolly will enjoy it...i don't know about olarn. connolly & i pretty much jive on a lot of bands--wilco, the ocean blue, and he even saw VoL when they played the metro a while back. he also loves my gilian welch revival cd which i played for him a couple weeks ago. today i will expose him to neutral milk hotel, the gloria record, and let's see...what else did i pick up at reckless today...oh. just some old replacements cds and springsteen & x. ok. oh! i know! i'll play serene! cuz i love ryan and jesse...=)
yeah, the gloria record...they're on the same label that serene is on, arena rock recording company (ARRCO), which also carries luna & superdrag & the boggs among others. tim got this lovely care package from them last week and he let me listen to the gloria record yesterday while i was working (but he wouldn't let me have it), and i decided i needed my own and i don't wanna wait for ryan to tell ARRCO to send me a pkg, and i happened to find a used copy @ reckless so i got it. yup. and i don't regret it. i'm listening to it right now as a matter of fact. i sure hope to see them live sometime soon...
you know what i love? bill mallonee's lyrics. one of the topics on the VoL yahoo group the past day & a half has been our favorite VoL lyrics...i literally read bill's lyrics as a supplement to my emotional and spiritual and literary intellectual well-being. if you have never heard of bill or the VoL, check out lyrics here, and tell me that's not poetry. it's even better w/ the music, ya know...
stuff i've listened to lately--
bandwagonesque--teenage fanclub
start here--the gloria record
jugular--vigilantes of love
mix of VoL mp3s
very emergency--the promise ring
the entire wilco collection minus the mermaid aves
time (revelator)--gilian welch
a.m. radio--billy corveny
s/t--serene
oh! and a mix cd that my cuzin ike in austin made me several christmases ago that was my intro into indie/folk/real country music and the world of the cd compilation. here's what was on that cd (not all of it is indie, but most):
bright as yellow--the innocence mission
rusty cage--johnny cash (i must get more johnny cash...)
work song--nina simone
nobody's looking--mark heard
big time sensuality--bjork
holding on to the earth--sam phillips
faithfully dangerous--over the rhine
wonder of birds--the innocence mission
mercy of the flame--mark heard
all i need is everything--over the rhine
i need you--julie miller
hunger--bjork
caleb meyer--gillian welch
never pick cotton--johnny cash
sound of music--falco (hehehe)
children, go where i send you - nina simone
shotgun--shawn colvin
i've been everywhere--johnny cash
eyes off of you--lauryn hill
been doing a lot of thinking about a lot of stuff...talked for a long time w/ bruce last night, who had been in california sailing w/ his dad. interestingly enough, while observing his father and the way his dad treated his current wife, i think bruce made a very important self-discovery that will perhaps give him a clue as to the reasons behind the demise of our relationship. perhaps that knowledge will be enough so that he does better next time, but i have my doubts. he's pretty entrenched in his ways. but i believe in miracles, so who knows. i wish the best for him.
i have been feeling the pangs of long-distance friendships. i am going to seattle next week and will be w/ megan, ryan, jesse & ian. not all at once, but you know...jesse & ryan have been told to prepare speeches for megan and me if they want us to move out thataways. we'll see how convincing they are. i'm rather happy in chicago for now...but we'll see. i really like california too. east coast is the only venue i can't do for some reason, even though i've got people i totally love out there, like my best friend josh for one, and caleb & audrey & mikey & my cuzin debbie & my favorite aunt who's like my big sister in new jersey. i'm just hoping all my friends move back to chicago before too long.
yeah, so i was listening to the promise ring's very emergency driving west on armitage, when what do i see but this truck in front of me w/ that sticker, and not only that, i happened to be on track 2 which is the emergency!emergency! song. hehehe. ok, so i didn't have any other photos to post, and i hate looking at plain text on a page, so shoot me. whatever. going to see duvall (descendant of the smoking popes) tonight w/ connolly & olarn. connolly will enjoy it...i don't know about olarn. connolly & i pretty much jive on a lot of bands--wilco, the ocean blue, and he even saw VoL when they played the metro a while back. he also loves my gilian welch revival cd which i played for him a couple weeks ago. today i will expose him to neutral milk hotel, the gloria record, and let's see...what else did i pick up at reckless today...oh. just some old replacements cds and springsteen & x. ok. oh! i know! i'll play serene! cuz i love ryan and jesse...=)
yeah, the gloria record...they're on the same label that serene is on, arena rock recording company (ARRCO), which also carries luna & superdrag & the boggs among others. tim got this lovely care package from them last week and he let me listen to the gloria record yesterday while i was working (but he wouldn't let me have it), and i decided i needed my own and i don't wanna wait for ryan to tell ARRCO to send me a pkg, and i happened to find a used copy @ reckless so i got it. yup. and i don't regret it. i'm listening to it right now as a matter of fact. i sure hope to see them live sometime soon...
you know what i love? bill mallonee's lyrics. one of the topics on the VoL yahoo group the past day & a half has been our favorite VoL lyrics...i literally read bill's lyrics as a supplement to my emotional and spiritual and literary intellectual well-being. if you have never heard of bill or the VoL, check out lyrics here, and tell me that's not poetry. it's even better w/ the music, ya know...
stuff i've listened to lately--
bandwagonesque--teenage fanclub
start here--the gloria record
jugular--vigilantes of love
mix of VoL mp3s
very emergency--the promise ring
the entire wilco collection minus the mermaid aves
time (revelator)--gilian welch
a.m. radio--billy corveny
s/t--serene
oh! and a mix cd that my cuzin ike in austin made me several christmases ago that was my intro into indie/folk/real country music and the world of the cd compilation. here's what was on that cd (not all of it is indie, but most):
bright as yellow--the innocence mission
rusty cage--johnny cash (i must get more johnny cash...)
work song--nina simone
nobody's looking--mark heard
big time sensuality--bjork
holding on to the earth--sam phillips
faithfully dangerous--over the rhine
wonder of birds--the innocence mission
mercy of the flame--mark heard
all i need is everything--over the rhine
i need you--julie miller
hunger--bjork
caleb meyer--gillian welch
never pick cotton--johnny cash
sound of music--falco (hehehe)
children, go where i send you - nina simone
shotgun--shawn colvin
i've been everywhere--johnny cash
eyes off of you--lauryn hill
ok, so maybe i was exaggerating when i said i was having the worst day in the worst week of my life. i think i can come up with some worse weeks from the past several months for sure. but it was a pretty bad day i was having there. things got much better when i went to housegroup (for those of you not in the vineyard, that's when a group of folks get together at somebody's house...or in the case of us hyde park vcf'ers somebody's apartment--[holy cow! i just identified myself with a church...weird...am i there? i dunno...]). met a couple new people. funny thing about the group, the only blonde person there is this korean dude named sam. ha ha ha. betcha didn't know us koreans could have blonde hair, eh?
i made a mix cd of some bands for peter (one of the facilitators of the housegroup) to check out, and we were listening to it while hanging out after everyone else had left. the song that stood out for him was none other than the devils in the architecture/video killed the radio star medley by zapruder point! i so totally love that song...and amy, peter's wife, loves dan's (the lead singer) voice. that's cool! i'm always happy to promote my favorite local indie artist. we're gonna go see ok go at the lakeview street festival on sunday. i like peter & amy. especially amy cuz she told me she thought i was like 23. ha ha ha! i only told pete & amy how old i am; i wouldn't tell the others. i told them i'd have to flat out lie if they asked. pete has these really cool tattoos. they're of stars (red 5 pointed stars the size of quarters w/ i think like some blue in 'em , either as an outline or something else..) and they run down the back of his calves. it's so rock 'n' roll. it's funny cuz i was wondering to myself today what tattoo i would get if i were to ever get a tattoo, and i thought i'd like to get a star, kinda like the urban hillbilly quartet star that's on all their stuff. it's just a regular 5 pointed star, but it's kinda got that woodcarved rough edge look to it, ya know? i don't know. something w/ a star i think would be neat. and peter's stars are awesome! i also thought about like a chinese character, like for the word 'peace' and then maybe the word 'pax' somehow incorporated into it. i just don't know where i'd put a tattoo. maybe i'll start w/ a fake one.
stuff i've been listening to:
very emergency--the promise ring
static prevails--jimmy eat world
wilco mix cd
straightaways--son volt
other stuff
i made a mix cd of some bands for peter (one of the facilitators of the housegroup) to check out, and we were listening to it while hanging out after everyone else had left. the song that stood out for him was none other than the devils in the architecture/video killed the radio star medley by zapruder point! i so totally love that song...and amy, peter's wife, loves dan's (the lead singer) voice. that's cool! i'm always happy to promote my favorite local indie artist. we're gonna go see ok go at the lakeview street festival on sunday. i like peter & amy. especially amy cuz she told me she thought i was like 23. ha ha ha! i only told pete & amy how old i am; i wouldn't tell the others. i told them i'd have to flat out lie if they asked. pete has these really cool tattoos. they're of stars (red 5 pointed stars the size of quarters w/ i think like some blue in 'em , either as an outline or something else..) and they run down the back of his calves. it's so rock 'n' roll. it's funny cuz i was wondering to myself today what tattoo i would get if i were to ever get a tattoo, and i thought i'd like to get a star, kinda like the urban hillbilly quartet star that's on all their stuff. it's just a regular 5 pointed star, but it's kinda got that woodcarved rough edge look to it, ya know? i don't know. something w/ a star i think would be neat. and peter's stars are awesome! i also thought about like a chinese character, like for the word 'peace' and then maybe the word 'pax' somehow incorporated into it. i just don't know where i'd put a tattoo. maybe i'll start w/ a fake one.
stuff i've been listening to:
very emergency--the promise ring
static prevails--jimmy eat world
wilco mix cd
straightaways--son volt
other stuff
happiness is all the rage but i can't get me none it seems. i'm having the worst day in the worst week of my life. my heart's gone AWOL and i have no idea where to go find it, and i'm running around like a chicken w/ its head cut off (nothing personal, stanley) trying to squeeze drops of happiness from anywhere anywhere and it's as dry as can be. shit. sorry. shit. i'm gonna go to housegroup now and hope for hope.
ok. i am an idiot. let me tell you an embarrassing story. let me give you a laugh at my expense. you can send checks to sarah@wildwoodagency.com.
so i get home tonight and check my email and what do i find? an email from caleb. that's nice. and what does he write? well, apparently, one of the cd's i'd burned for him did not contain a c-stone bootleg like i THOUGHT it did. no. it contained a song i'd written, played, sang & recorded for megan for her going away present. AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! like how in the world did i get a c-stone bootleg mixed up w/ my crappy song?!! i don't even remember putting that song on a cd!!!!! yeah, i've been writing songs. so shoot me. they suck but i'm not a songwriter. they're supposed to suck. that song was an inside joke for me and megan. 
and now because of my stupidity caleb's been made privy as well. normally, i'd let caleb in on any other stuff but when it comes to my songs, i was kinda waiting to learn how to play guitar and sing and write better songs before i let him hear any of my stuff. well, it's too late for that now. i wish i had one of them mindzapping pens from men in black so i could zap the memory of that song out of caleb's head...i'm sure he'd appreciate it. now caleb being the good man that he is didn't listen to the whole thing because he figured it was for megan, but he heard enough to a) know it was for megan and b)know that it had denison's name in it. so that means he heard at least an entire verse. that's enough.
or when caleb said the cd contained "yr denison song for megan" MAYBE he meant that it was a mix of denison's songs that he assumed were for megan...in which case i'm still totally embarrassed because that'll mean i spilled the beans about the existence of a song that i'd wanted caleb to never find out about. now wouldn't that be funny...yeah, i'm in stitches right now...
so tonight was absolutely gorgeous, and as i neared the twinkling chicago skyline while driving home, i decided to go to one of my favorite places in the city for a photoshoot. the place i'm talking about is the bridge over the river on north ave by the home depot. i have some pretty special memories connected to that bridge related to my dad, so it's kinda like visiting the cemetary almost. not that my dad ever went with me to this bridge, but it was one of the places where i went to think and reminisce and cry while my dad lay in the hospital back in april. so in a sense i had carried my dad with me in my heart to that bridge (and to the home depot parking lot), so rather than visit him at some grave site, i'd rather meet him on that bridge facing the skyline of the city he raised me in which i've grown to love since i lost him. actually, if you go to my archives, the night my dad died, i posted photos from a photoshoot i did on that same bridge. but that was a daytime shoot and i didn't have stanley back then. and then the night before my dad died i posted photos from the home depot right by that bridge where i read that book of poetry by li-young li that denison told me to get while waiting for the rain to end so i could do a nightshoot on that bridge (didn't happen; the rain never stopped). so yeah, that bridge & that home depot have a special place in my heart...
it's been so long since i did a photoshoot...it felt awesome! and it was so beautiful out...the moon 98% full...wispy white clouds glowing in the moonlight...the air unusually dry and cool for a chicago august evening...me in my new wilco t-shirt (which i ordered just to get the free 3-song promo single, being the completist that i am...crazy, yeah..i know...but now i have something to wear to their show in seattle...)...i love doing night photography in the city. the streetlights create this awesome orange glow that's really fun-ky. and the bridge is an awesome place to be whenever...it's great during the day, it's great during the night, it's great in the rain, it's great when the weather's fine...i love bridges. and this one's got a lot of character in my opinion. not to mention a lovely view of my fine city.
so stanley, my rubber chicken, was really glad i decided to go on a photoshoot cuz he's been cooped up inside my backpack for days on end now, and was itching for a bit of excitement. and i'd never taken him to see that bridge before. he didn't want to leave. he kept making me take pictures of him in these interesting poses, and i swear, he kept me on that bridge for like 3 hours. crazy chicken. 
he really wanted some interesting, what he called "arty" shots, and that required me like getting on my hands and knees to get a decent angle. and by the banks of the river, there are creatures, ya know...i think if stanley knew what was crawling and scampering around behind him while i was taking this photo, he would not have been happy. i just ignored the creatures and minded my own business, and they left me alone.
so here's what i've been listening to:
very emergency--the promise ring
nothing feels good--the promise ring
file under easy listening--sugar
ritual de lo habitual--jane's addiction
summerteeth--wilco
being there discs 1&2--wilco
don't tell a soul--the replacements
when we were small--rosie thomas
straightaways--son volt
trace--son volt
VoL mix
so i get home tonight and check my email and what do i find? an email from caleb. that's nice. and what does he write? well, apparently, one of the cd's i'd burned for him did not contain a c-stone bootleg like i THOUGHT it did. no. it contained a song i'd written, played, sang & recorded for megan for her going away present. AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! like how in the world did i get a c-stone bootleg mixed up w/ my crappy song?!! i don't even remember putting that song on a cd!!!!! yeah, i've been writing songs. so shoot me. they suck but i'm not a songwriter. they're supposed to suck. that song was an inside joke for me and megan. and now because of my stupidity caleb's been made privy as well. normally, i'd let caleb in on any other stuff but when it comes to my songs, i was kinda waiting to learn how to play guitar and sing and write better songs before i let him hear any of my stuff. well, it's too late for that now. i wish i had one of them mindzapping pens from men in black so i could zap the memory of that song out of caleb's head...i'm sure he'd appreciate it. now caleb being the good man that he is didn't listen to the whole thing because he figured it was for megan, but he heard enough to a) know it was for megan and b)know that it had denison's name in it. so that means he heard at least an entire verse. that's enough.
or when caleb said the cd contained "yr denison song for megan" MAYBE he meant that it was a mix of denison's songs that he assumed were for megan...in which case i'm still totally embarrassed because that'll mean i spilled the beans about the existence of a song that i'd wanted caleb to never find out about. now wouldn't that be funny...yeah, i'm in stitches right now...
so tonight was absolutely gorgeous, and as i neared the twinkling chicago skyline while driving home, i decided to go to one of my favorite places in the city for a photoshoot. the place i'm talking about is the bridge over the river on north ave by the home depot. i have some pretty special memories connected to that bridge related to my dad, so it's kinda like visiting the cemetary almost. not that my dad ever went with me to this bridge, but it was one of the places where i went to think and reminisce and cry while my dad lay in the hospital back in april. so in a sense i had carried my dad with me in my heart to that bridge (and to the home depot parking lot), so rather than visit him at some grave site, i'd rather meet him on that bridge facing the skyline of the city he raised me in which i've grown to love since i lost him. actually, if you go to my archives, the night my dad died, i posted photos from a photoshoot i did on that same bridge. but that was a daytime shoot and i didn't have stanley back then. and then the night before my dad died i posted photos from the home depot right by that bridge where i read that book of poetry by li-young li that denison told me to get while waiting for the rain to end so i could do a nightshoot on that bridge (didn't happen; the rain never stopped). so yeah, that bridge & that home depot have a special place in my heart...
it's been so long since i did a photoshoot...it felt awesome! and it was so beautiful out...the moon 98% full...wispy white clouds glowing in the moonlight...the air unusually dry and cool for a chicago august evening...me in my new wilco t-shirt (which i ordered just to get the free 3-song promo single, being the completist that i am...crazy, yeah..i know...but now i have something to wear to their show in seattle...)...i love doing night photography in the city. the streetlights create this awesome orange glow that's really fun-ky. and the bridge is an awesome place to be whenever...it's great during the day, it's great during the night, it's great in the rain, it's great when the weather's fine...i love bridges. and this one's got a lot of character in my opinion. not to mention a lovely view of my fine city.
so stanley, my rubber chicken, was really glad i decided to go on a photoshoot cuz he's been cooped up inside my backpack for days on end now, and was itching for a bit of excitement. and i'd never taken him to see that bridge before. he didn't want to leave. he kept making me take pictures of him in these interesting poses, and i swear, he kept me on that bridge for like 3 hours. crazy chicken. he really wanted some interesting, what he called "arty" shots, and that required me like getting on my hands and knees to get a decent angle. and by the banks of the river, there are creatures, ya know...i think if stanley knew what was crawling and scampering around behind him while i was taking this photo, he would not have been happy. i just ignored the creatures and minded my own business, and they left me alone.
so here's what i've been listening to:
very emergency--the promise ring
nothing feels good--the promise ring
file under easy listening--sugar
ritual de lo habitual--jane's addiction
summerteeth--wilco
being there discs 1&2--wilco
don't tell a soul--the replacements
when we were small--rosie thomas
straightaways--son volt
trace--son volt
VoL mix
it's been an interesting several days. good stuff. not so good stuff. sad stuff. joyous stuff. i love the human experience! been thinking a lot about who i am, where i've been, where i am now, and where i'll be going in the near and distant future. life is fearfully exciting right now, and each day is a mix of struggles lost and won.
the highlight of the past several days was having caleb back in chicago for a few days. caleb's fellow yale seminarian audrey, who's been hanging out in chicago all summer and who is also formerly from the hyde park vineyard (my church these days) which caleb helped start back when he was at the U of C, joined caleb & me to go out to ravinia to hear tony bennett w/ tim & some folks from tim's church and steph hood & steph's son micah. uhm, frankly speaking, caleb, audrey & i weren't really interested in hearing tony bennett's music. like ok, we know he's cool and all, but, uhm, we don't really listen to that kind of music, so, uhm, we were mainly interested in hanging out. which is what we did. wine, crackers, hummus, cheese, beer, the whole shabang. it was a lovely night, and i got to see the stars...i even saw a shooting star! i love seeing shooting stars...
so after ravinia, c., a., & i drove back to my apartment, and they jammed on my guitar and josh's guitar (which he left here when he moved to new york) for hours and hours. they did wilco, son volt, VoL, o brother where art thou, jimmy eat world, bob dylan, and a bunch of others. my own private concert! it was the loveliest several hours i'd had in a long, long time! audrey plays and sings like an angel. and caleb...he's no angel...he's a rock star. totally. he had me near tears when he did the VoL songs, like on to bethlehem (which i cried to the first time i ever heard it) and a certain slant of light and offer etc. the way caleb plays VoL songs, it's not like he's covering the songs. he plays w/ the passion & intensity that bill would play with. it's so cool to see. it was totally awesome to have my guitar being played with such ferocity and joy and enthusiasm. i just know my guitar wanted to go home with caleb...i feel so bad for my guitar it has to stay with me. oh well, caleb will just have to come visit my guitar on a regular basis. and any other guitar players out there should come visit my guitar so it won't mind living with me.
so friday, uhm okay, so on the way to work i got in a little fender bender. yeah, that's the bad thing that happened this weekend. but it could've been a lot worse. like somebody could've gotten hurt. or i could've caused a lot more damage. so i hit the other dude's truck, but he got this tiny dent and i got a big smush above my front passenger side wheel. it looks okay at night, but it's quite a bit more noticeable in the light of day. ok. enough of the bad stuff. drive safely, guys. especially in stop & go traffic.
friday night the girls (that would be my cousin kris, connie & rea) went out for a belated bday celebration for rea. we went to this french restaurant which took over where villa kula used to be in lincoln square. french food, okay, it was good. it was also nice to hang w/ the girls. it had been like a zillion years since i'd seen them. like i don't even remember the last time the 4 of us had a chance to go out. i gotta tell you though, it's great having girlfriends, esp. forgiving and understanding ones like the girls i hang with. they've been so supportive of everything i've been going through...i love my gal pals...
so saturday i just chilled listening to music, arranging cds and what not. caleb came over a little before 8pm so we could go see the wilco movie @ the musicbox. caleb was the perfect person to see that movie w/ just cuz he's like my music guru/consultant, and we've shared a lot of wilco, esp. after thursday night when he played a lot of my fave wilco songs. the movie was a lot better than we thought it would be. it was awesome seeing some of that footage and hearing the outtakes. seeing the process of making the yankee hotel foxtrot album gave me greater appreciation for the whole album. i'm going to go see it again w/ connolly, my fellow chicago wilco fan. if y'all wanna see the movie, well, go ahead, but if you don't listen to wilco, it might not really mean as much to you. in which case i would run out to the record store and load up on wilco. i really like all their albums, so i can't recommend one or the other. i'm into all of them. but i gotta warn ya they're not all in the same vein. but it's all good rock 'n' roll, some songs w/ a bit of twang, others no twang whatsoever.
after chinatown w/ audrey & caleb (ken kee's for latenite cheap lots of food and even vegetarian stuff!!), we all crashed @ audrey's then went to church in the morning. caleb was playing guitar in the band, which happened to be led by 'than madjiarczyk, an old friend from my years in evanston vcf. it was great to see 'than again. which reminds me i have to email him. it was my first sunday at church for an entire service. i had been avoiding coming in time for worship because i was kinda scared of getting hooked. but i felt ready this sunday. the band did a bunch of recent older songs that i knew, so it felt comfortable enough, and i felt like i could worship genuinely without manufacturing anything. that's a big fear of mine--because worship was such a huge core of who i am, i'd kinda been running away from it because i was afraid i'd get hooked back into old "christian" habits since i get so emotionally worked up through music...it's kinda hard to explain...those who need to understand will understand...but this time i just worshipped without thinking about it, and i think that's what i need to do. just do it. over analyzing can get in the way of genuineness. and then the teaching was by this dude named jonathan who was like really really good. man. he had me in tears several times. it was all good...i think a lot of this God stuff is coming together for me...the pieces of the puzzle that have been floating around in the far reaches of the delta quadrant are making it back home into my heart where it's being put together by someone other than myself cuz i sure don't know how the pieces fit.
i kinda felt like a lost puppy after church because i still don't feel quite at home there, although it was nice having little elements of comfort that sunday, like caleb and 'than, but my pastor rand found me w/ that lost look in my eye which i think he recognizes by now, and he was nice enough to give me something to do so i felt a bit more connected. he got me to give him and a new family a ride to a going away party for ellie, this really incredible woman in the church who's moving to boston. this was the first activity at church i participated in w/ hyde park vineyard outside of sunday service. i was just glad i had audrey & caleb there since i trust those guys...and then peter & amy druck, the facilitators of the small group i attended last wednesday showed up and it was cool. peter & i talked about bands, which puts me in a really good mood. and they're vegetarians too!!!! i was so happy i had someone else to be hungry w/ at parties. ha ha ha! actually, there were plenty of crackers and fruit and veggies so we were fine. not to mention cake & this awesome chocolate peanut butter brownie thing. peter & i both love death cab for cutie which is cool. i'm gonna make him & amy some mix cds of some of the other stuff i listen to like the wilco & son volt & VoL & maybe the promise ring and whatever else comes to mind (send suggestions to sarah@wildwoodagency.com).
so it was another afternoon of goodbyes. ellie, whom i'd just met, is going to be sorely missed at this church. even i'm gonna miss her and i don't even know her. she just reminds me of eloise mckitric, my old boss @ evanston vineyard who was like a mentor and mother to me. eloise was a huge influence on my life. i also had to say goodbye to audrey and caleb who are both returning to the east coast monday. even though i'd just gotten to know audrey, i was really sad to see her go. and caleb...well, it goes without saying that saying goodbye to him was hard. i'm really hoping those two hurry up and finish school and move back to chicago. we'd have such a blast in this town. and my guitar is really going to miss caleb. i'm gonna have to make an east coast trip for sure now.
it was such a beautiful day after the party...i ended up having to drop by rand's cuz he left his bible in my car, and we had a chance to talk, and i shared what it felt like for me to say goodbye to aud & caleb and to see the church say goodbye to someone they loved so much since goodbyes to me are even harder now since my dad died. it was good talking to rand about this stuff and to just catch up about how i liked peter & amy and all that jazz.
afterwards, i wandered around aimlessly downtown stuck in traffic, talked to megan for a while (i miss her!) and then ended up at crow's nest in lincoln park where they were having a big cd sale. i love cd sales...got me some good deals which is rad and now i'm listening to 'em. that's it i guess. i'm feeling good. sad & good. hopeful. feeling like my life means something. starting to feel connected to other people more local than on the west coast or east coast. i still miss my friends scattered across the country. but i'm thankful for my local ones like my girls, connolly, olarn, and rand's like 'what about me?!' when i talk about my nonlocal friends, so yeah, rand, tim, the kenyonites whom i see every so often, allison & drei @ work, and hopefully folks at hyde park vineyard, if i can get used to being in church again. it's like pulling teeth sometimes...but i like jesus. he's been cool. more than cool. hard to explain. some of you guys think i'm nuts, and that's all fine and dandy. i love you any way.
spread some love or at least tell a good joke and make someone laugh. take five minutes to breathe. listen to some rockin' music. listen to some beautifully sad music. drop me a line.
"...and i'd like to say i'm faithful
to the task at hand
speaking gospel to a handful
and others with their list of demands
it's cold this year and i'm late on my dues
it's cold in here ah but that's nothing new
my heart's electric with your love again
so it's on to bethlehem..."
-from "on to bethlehem" by bill mallonee (of VoL)
stuff i listened to the past few days--
thirdshiftgrottoslack--jay farrar
time (the revelator)--gillian welch (man, i love her voice!)
frosting on the beater--the posies
les bains douches 18 dec 1979--joy division
universal truths and cycles--guided by voices
in between ep--rosie thomas
don't tell a soul--the replacements
very emergency--the promise ring
tim--the replacements
revival--gillian welch
bunch of VoL stuff
sebastopol--jay farrar
wide swing tremelo--son volt
a.m.--wilco
being there disc 2--wilco
yankee hotel foxtrot--wilco
private concert--caleb & audrey (the best thing i've listened to in AGES!!!)
the highlight of the past several days was having caleb back in chicago for a few days. caleb's fellow yale seminarian audrey, who's been hanging out in chicago all summer and who is also formerly from the hyde park vineyard (my church these days) which caleb helped start back when he was at the U of C, joined caleb & me to go out to ravinia to hear tony bennett w/ tim & some folks from tim's church and steph hood & steph's son micah. uhm, frankly speaking, caleb, audrey & i weren't really interested in hearing tony bennett's music. like ok, we know he's cool and all, but, uhm, we don't really listen to that kind of music, so, uhm, we were mainly interested in hanging out. which is what we did. wine, crackers, hummus, cheese, beer, the whole shabang. it was a lovely night, and i got to see the stars...i even saw a shooting star! i love seeing shooting stars...
so after ravinia, c., a., & i drove back to my apartment, and they jammed on my guitar and josh's guitar (which he left here when he moved to new york) for hours and hours. they did wilco, son volt, VoL, o brother where art thou, jimmy eat world, bob dylan, and a bunch of others. my own private concert! it was the loveliest several hours i'd had in a long, long time! audrey plays and sings like an angel. and caleb...he's no angel...he's a rock star. totally. he had me near tears when he did the VoL songs, like on to bethlehem (which i cried to the first time i ever heard it) and a certain slant of light and offer etc. the way caleb plays VoL songs, it's not like he's covering the songs. he plays w/ the passion & intensity that bill would play with. it's so cool to see. it was totally awesome to have my guitar being played with such ferocity and joy and enthusiasm. i just know my guitar wanted to go home with caleb...i feel so bad for my guitar it has to stay with me. oh well, caleb will just have to come visit my guitar on a regular basis. and any other guitar players out there should come visit my guitar so it won't mind living with me.
so friday, uhm okay, so on the way to work i got in a little fender bender. yeah, that's the bad thing that happened this weekend. but it could've been a lot worse. like somebody could've gotten hurt. or i could've caused a lot more damage. so i hit the other dude's truck, but he got this tiny dent and i got a big smush above my front passenger side wheel. it looks okay at night, but it's quite a bit more noticeable in the light of day. ok. enough of the bad stuff. drive safely, guys. especially in stop & go traffic.
friday night the girls (that would be my cousin kris, connie & rea) went out for a belated bday celebration for rea. we went to this french restaurant which took over where villa kula used to be in lincoln square. french food, okay, it was good. it was also nice to hang w/ the girls. it had been like a zillion years since i'd seen them. like i don't even remember the last time the 4 of us had a chance to go out. i gotta tell you though, it's great having girlfriends, esp. forgiving and understanding ones like the girls i hang with. they've been so supportive of everything i've been going through...i love my gal pals...
so saturday i just chilled listening to music, arranging cds and what not. caleb came over a little before 8pm so we could go see the wilco movie @ the musicbox. caleb was the perfect person to see that movie w/ just cuz he's like my music guru/consultant, and we've shared a lot of wilco, esp. after thursday night when he played a lot of my fave wilco songs. the movie was a lot better than we thought it would be. it was awesome seeing some of that footage and hearing the outtakes. seeing the process of making the yankee hotel foxtrot album gave me greater appreciation for the whole album. i'm going to go see it again w/ connolly, my fellow chicago wilco fan. if y'all wanna see the movie, well, go ahead, but if you don't listen to wilco, it might not really mean as much to you. in which case i would run out to the record store and load up on wilco. i really like all their albums, so i can't recommend one or the other. i'm into all of them. but i gotta warn ya they're not all in the same vein. but it's all good rock 'n' roll, some songs w/ a bit of twang, others no twang whatsoever.
after chinatown w/ audrey & caleb (ken kee's for latenite cheap lots of food and even vegetarian stuff!!), we all crashed @ audrey's then went to church in the morning. caleb was playing guitar in the band, which happened to be led by 'than madjiarczyk, an old friend from my years in evanston vcf. it was great to see 'than again. which reminds me i have to email him. it was my first sunday at church for an entire service. i had been avoiding coming in time for worship because i was kinda scared of getting hooked. but i felt ready this sunday. the band did a bunch of recent older songs that i knew, so it felt comfortable enough, and i felt like i could worship genuinely without manufacturing anything. that's a big fear of mine--because worship was such a huge core of who i am, i'd kinda been running away from it because i was afraid i'd get hooked back into old "christian" habits since i get so emotionally worked up through music...it's kinda hard to explain...those who need to understand will understand...but this time i just worshipped without thinking about it, and i think that's what i need to do. just do it. over analyzing can get in the way of genuineness. and then the teaching was by this dude named jonathan who was like really really good. man. he had me in tears several times. it was all good...i think a lot of this God stuff is coming together for me...the pieces of the puzzle that have been floating around in the far reaches of the delta quadrant are making it back home into my heart where it's being put together by someone other than myself cuz i sure don't know how the pieces fit.
i kinda felt like a lost puppy after church because i still don't feel quite at home there, although it was nice having little elements of comfort that sunday, like caleb and 'than, but my pastor rand found me w/ that lost look in my eye which i think he recognizes by now, and he was nice enough to give me something to do so i felt a bit more connected. he got me to give him and a new family a ride to a going away party for ellie, this really incredible woman in the church who's moving to boston. this was the first activity at church i participated in w/ hyde park vineyard outside of sunday service. i was just glad i had audrey & caleb there since i trust those guys...and then peter & amy druck, the facilitators of the small group i attended last wednesday showed up and it was cool. peter & i talked about bands, which puts me in a really good mood. and they're vegetarians too!!!! i was so happy i had someone else to be hungry w/ at parties. ha ha ha! actually, there were plenty of crackers and fruit and veggies so we were fine. not to mention cake & this awesome chocolate peanut butter brownie thing. peter & i both love death cab for cutie which is cool. i'm gonna make him & amy some mix cds of some of the other stuff i listen to like the wilco & son volt & VoL & maybe the promise ring and whatever else comes to mind (send suggestions to sarah@wildwoodagency.com).
so it was another afternoon of goodbyes. ellie, whom i'd just met, is going to be sorely missed at this church. even i'm gonna miss her and i don't even know her. she just reminds me of eloise mckitric, my old boss @ evanston vineyard who was like a mentor and mother to me. eloise was a huge influence on my life. i also had to say goodbye to audrey and caleb who are both returning to the east coast monday. even though i'd just gotten to know audrey, i was really sad to see her go. and caleb...well, it goes without saying that saying goodbye to him was hard. i'm really hoping those two hurry up and finish school and move back to chicago. we'd have such a blast in this town. and my guitar is really going to miss caleb. i'm gonna have to make an east coast trip for sure now.
it was such a beautiful day after the party...i ended up having to drop by rand's cuz he left his bible in my car, and we had a chance to talk, and i shared what it felt like for me to say goodbye to aud & caleb and to see the church say goodbye to someone they loved so much since goodbyes to me are even harder now since my dad died. it was good talking to rand about this stuff and to just catch up about how i liked peter & amy and all that jazz.
afterwards, i wandered around aimlessly downtown stuck in traffic, talked to megan for a while (i miss her!) and then ended up at crow's nest in lincoln park where they were having a big cd sale. i love cd sales...got me some good deals which is rad and now i'm listening to 'em. that's it i guess. i'm feeling good. sad & good. hopeful. feeling like my life means something. starting to feel connected to other people more local than on the west coast or east coast. i still miss my friends scattered across the country. but i'm thankful for my local ones like my girls, connolly, olarn, and rand's like 'what about me?!' when i talk about my nonlocal friends, so yeah, rand, tim, the kenyonites whom i see every so often, allison & drei @ work, and hopefully folks at hyde park vineyard, if i can get used to being in church again. it's like pulling teeth sometimes...but i like jesus. he's been cool. more than cool. hard to explain. some of you guys think i'm nuts, and that's all fine and dandy. i love you any way.
spread some love or at least tell a good joke and make someone laugh. take five minutes to breathe. listen to some rockin' music. listen to some beautifully sad music. drop me a line.
"...and i'd like to say i'm faithful
to the task at hand
speaking gospel to a handful
and others with their list of demands
it's cold this year and i'm late on my dues
it's cold in here ah but that's nothing new
my heart's electric with your love again
so it's on to bethlehem..."
-from "on to bethlehem" by bill mallonee (of VoL)
stuff i listened to the past few days--
thirdshiftgrottoslack--jay farrar
time (the revelator)--gillian welch (man, i love her voice!)
frosting on the beater--the posies
les bains douches 18 dec 1979--joy division
universal truths and cycles--guided by voices
in between ep--rosie thomas
don't tell a soul--the replacements
very emergency--the promise ring
tim--the replacements
revival--gillian welch
bunch of VoL stuff
sebastopol--jay farrar
wide swing tremelo--son volt
a.m.--wilco
being there disc 2--wilco
yankee hotel foxtrot--wilco
private concert--caleb & audrey (the best thing i've listened to in AGES!!!)
ok. so i realize that a lot has happened since i last blogged, but i feel so far behind, i'm going to just summarize very briefly. if you don't know who these people are, i'm sorry.
well, here goes...so my friend ryan beatty arrives in chicago thursday night. megan comes over thursday night as well. we go out. i get sick to my stomach and throw up all night from drinking 2 beers on an empty stomach. megan goes to work in the morning. ryan and i hang out, eat lunch, talk about this and that and pick up megan after work. 
we go to goose island brewery (maker of jesse's favorite honker's ale). we get to my apt. and there are jesse sprinkle & josh tillman on the front porch. perfect. we go out to a swanky nightclub on huron and get turned away cuz of the dress code. we go to ripley's on clark instead. everyone except jesse and i do jager depth charges all night. i have an amaretto sour and that's it. we take photos. we go home. jesse & josh pass my guitar back and forth and sing songs. they sing lovely. 
these boys are in bands. ryan is frontman for serene (run out and buy serene's newly released self-titled full-length cd @ a megarecord store near you! i found mine @ tower records! yeah, i paid for it even though ryan said he'd give me one...and you should go buy one too if you like death cab for cutie or appleseed cast (ryan's favorite band) or sunny day real esate or the six parts seven or even ida i think. i happen to love this album in case you're wondering. ryan is so beautifully dreamily emo. he hates that word, 'emo', hehehehe but he doesn't read this so it's okay. keep your eyes peeled for a fall tour coming near you if you're one of the fortunate ones.) he's also 1/3 of holiday runner and sometimes guitarist for the stickman jones collective. jesse is drummer for poor old lu, 1/3 of holiday runner, frontman for the world inside, drummer for serene and sometimes drummer for the stickman jones collective. (jesse is an awesome drummer.) 
josh is in a band called stately english except they're not calling it stately english any more they're just calling it stately because they don't wanna get confused w/ bands like bad english (which is what i'm currently using) or modern english (which i'm also using i hope) but jesse still calls it stately english and i think i will too but if i'm lazy i suppose i'll just call them stately. josh is a talented songwriter, singer, guitar player & awesome drummer (so i'm told). josh is also in a band called saxon shore and he recently drummed on the recording for a band called demon hunter. death metal w/ occasional pretty vocals. throughout the night denison witmer is in the background. partly because we called him at 2am for some reason and confused the hell out of him because we woke him up. but mostly because megan and i find ways of bringing his name up. it's been the joke since cornerstone, that deni's name somehow always comes up, and ryan and jesse find it quite amusing.
ok. so we have fun. nobody could sleep friday night, especially those who'd done the jager/red bull shots. poor ryan. we make lots of noise. spitting is involved as well as open windows and heads below. i am 100% sober all night long. i don't spit. i soak in the sights and sounds of long distance friends gathered in a little apartment in bucktown, chicago, and i think about how big our country is and how far apart the east coast is from the west coast and how i'm here in the middle in a town called chicago and how i want to be bicoastal but haven't even made it to being unicoastal yet.
saturday morning, no one has slept very much. i get up. i shower. mikey is coming to say farewell and to eat lunch with me. mikey arrives. we go to get mexican. we share a burrito. we talk. i'm sad. mikey is moving 1000 miles away to boston. mikey says goodbye to everyone. mikey drives away. ryan is loading his van. we sit on the front steps a while, soaking in the midafternoon blazing sun, and we talk and prepare to say goodbye. ryan asks me when i'm moving to seattle. i answer. saying goodbye to ryan is not easy. jesse and josh finally load their van. it's time to say goodbye. megan and i see them off. i have just let one friend go east to boston and three others west to seattle. i am still in chicago...i drive megan home. we laugh about the weekend and already we miss the seattlebound boys. but we will see them again in a few weeks so we comfort ourselves w/ that thought. but mikey, there is no comfort there. mikey goes to africa in a month and will not be back in the midwest until christmas. africa is a long ways away. so is christmas. i am nauseous again and go to my mother's house and take a nap. i go back to my apartment and later book hotel rooms for both mikey and the seattle-bound. i go to sleep relieved with the knowledge that all my roadtripping friends are safe with a roof over their heads for the night.
sunday morning i go to church an hour late as usual. the sermon is on stuff that is good for me to hear. i talk to folks. talk to rand my pastor. always good to talk to rand. couldn't ask for a better pastor. go home to meet connolly & olarn my high school buddies to hear of their trip to visit my best friend josh in new york, a trip i should have been on. we walk to anne sather cafe, eat omlettes & swedish pancakes & fruit and they tell me all about the trip. i miss josh terribly. i remember the time in oakland when he and i snuck into the observatory at night up on the big big hill and we climbed up on these steel beams that overlook san francisco and the golden gate bridge and all the lights from the city were so beautiful and we sat and looked and soaked it all in. for some reason i will never forget that moment. 
and so i sit and listen to olarn and connolly tell me stories of a place that josh has been living in without me for the past 5 months and i have never been there except via phone and email and these two have been there in the flesh and i am missing out. and i worry thinking about how it was easier to keep in touch with josh when he was on the west coast than when he moved to the east coast and i think about mikey moving to the east coast and wonder whether i have a mental or emotional block against the east for some reason. but i guess for the most part i was josh's constant when he was in california, and now he's with lielle and she's his constant so it's okay as long as josh is not alone. spending time w/ connolly and olarn is good and refreshing and relaxing. i know they love me even when i disappear for weeks at a time. friends who knew you when you were 16 are good to have around when you've just turned 30.
i hear from mikey later that night to let me know he's arrived safely at his friend's place in boston. he's tired. we have a short conversation. his voice feels further away now that he's in boston, in a different time zone. i wonder if i'll get used to that.
monday night ryan calls me from spokane, wa. he's lost jesse along the way. i worry because jesse has no cell phone. i pray. i wait. i call ryan past 1 am chicago time, 11pm seattle time. he has just walked in the door. all is fine. jesse and josh are fine. i can go to sleep. both coasts have received the friends i have sent and i am in chicago, coastless still.
saying goodbye is not an easy task for me. saying goodbye to people i care about is even harder. saying goodbye to 4 people i care about going in opposite directions in the span of 45 minutes...that's just cruel...it's like the anti-mastercard commercial. but i survived. but megan leaves for iowa on friday, megan who's been my summer sister at the wildwood...the house will seem so empty without her at tim's...the boys are going to miss her so much...TIM AND I are gonna miss her so much...sheesh. at least we'll have one last hurrah in seattle the end of this month. and then deni will be coming to chicago in september.
caleb comes to town tomorrow morning. he called me this afternoon i think from philly. it's always good to hear from caleb. he keeps it real for me. isn't afraid to tell me when i'm being silly. i've even given up calling myself a heathen cuz of him. it'll be cool to spend time w/ him and hopefully rand can hang out w/ us too. i've never observed them interacting, and those two have been the biggest influences in my life these months since my dad died, so it would be interesting to see just what they're like around each other.
anyways, i am jumping off into the deep tomorrow...i am going to a "small group" from church...rand lured me into the idea of going by telling me the facilitators are cool like caleb. we shall see how i survive the small group setting, as i have been so out of that scene. i'll probably get weirded out, but oh well...i'll manage.
i have skipped every concert i had planned on going to since ian's concert in milwaukee...my entire body should be twitching by now. well, i'm seeing tony bennett on thursday at ravinia. i suppose that counts. speaking of ian moore, i am going to see him in houston on october 4th. i haven't told him yet. i need to make sure his entire band is playing. not that i wouldn't go to see just him play. i love his acoustic show! but i want the whole ian moore action company (IMAC) experience, ya know?
so here's what i've been listening to:
in the aeroplane over the sea--neutral milk hotel (like holy schmole, i so totally love this album! ian told me i should really really get it and so i did and boy oh boy was he right on the money...i am listening to it as i type and the tears still come to my eyes...this is the album that ian & those boys from port elecki had done covers from that literally bowled me over at the schuba show...totally awesome stuff...)
kids in philly--marah
serene--serene (yeah, you know what to do...i got mine at tower records. you can get their 1st album at cdbaby.com)
when we were small--rosie thomas
via satellite--ian moore
summerteeth--wilco
the bends--radiohead
keep it like a secret--built to spill
will you find me--ida
someday my blues will cover the earth--his name is alive
revival--gillian welch
oh mercy--bob dylan
wide swing tremelo--son volt
sebastopol--jay farrar
very emergency--the promise ring
100 broken windows--idlewild
everybody makes mistakes--starflyer59
we have the facts and we're voting yes--death cab for cutie
being there 1&2--wilco
amelia's boot--erik brandt & uhq
orange juice--annie quick
well, here goes...so my friend ryan beatty arrives in chicago thursday night. megan comes over thursday night as well. we go out. i get sick to my stomach and throw up all night from drinking 2 beers on an empty stomach. megan goes to work in the morning. ryan and i hang out, eat lunch, talk about this and that and pick up megan after work. we go to goose island brewery (maker of jesse's favorite honker's ale). we get to my apt. and there are jesse sprinkle & josh tillman on the front porch. perfect. we go out to a swanky nightclub on huron and get turned away cuz of the dress code. we go to ripley's on clark instead. everyone except jesse and i do jager depth charges all night. i have an amaretto sour and that's it. we take photos. we go home. jesse & josh pass my guitar back and forth and sing songs. they sing lovely. these boys are in bands. ryan is frontman for serene (run out and buy serene's newly released self-titled full-length cd @ a megarecord store near you! i found mine @ tower records! yeah, i paid for it even though ryan said he'd give me one...and you should go buy one too if you like death cab for cutie or appleseed cast (ryan's favorite band) or sunny day real esate or the six parts seven or even ida i think. i happen to love this album in case you're wondering. ryan is so beautifully dreamily emo. he hates that word, 'emo', hehehehe but he doesn't read this so it's okay. keep your eyes peeled for a fall tour coming near you if you're one of the fortunate ones.) he's also 1/3 of holiday runner and sometimes guitarist for the stickman jones collective. jesse is drummer for poor old lu, 1/3 of holiday runner, frontman for the world inside, drummer for serene and sometimes drummer for the stickman jones collective. (jesse is an awesome drummer.) josh is in a band called stately english except they're not calling it stately english any more they're just calling it stately because they don't wanna get confused w/ bands like bad english (which is what i'm currently using) or modern english (which i'm also using i hope) but jesse still calls it stately english and i think i will too but if i'm lazy i suppose i'll just call them stately. josh is a talented songwriter, singer, guitar player & awesome drummer (so i'm told). josh is also in a band called saxon shore and he recently drummed on the recording for a band called demon hunter. death metal w/ occasional pretty vocals. throughout the night denison witmer is in the background. partly because we called him at 2am for some reason and confused the hell out of him because we woke him up. but mostly because megan and i find ways of bringing his name up. it's been the joke since cornerstone, that deni's name somehow always comes up, and ryan and jesse find it quite amusing.
ok. so we have fun. nobody could sleep friday night, especially those who'd done the jager/red bull shots. poor ryan. we make lots of noise. spitting is involved as well as open windows and heads below. i am 100% sober all night long. i don't spit. i soak in the sights and sounds of long distance friends gathered in a little apartment in bucktown, chicago, and i think about how big our country is and how far apart the east coast is from the west coast and how i'm here in the middle in a town called chicago and how i want to be bicoastal but haven't even made it to being unicoastal yet.
saturday morning, no one has slept very much. i get up. i shower. mikey is coming to say farewell and to eat lunch with me. mikey arrives. we go to get mexican. we share a burrito. we talk. i'm sad. mikey is moving 1000 miles away to boston. mikey says goodbye to everyone. mikey drives away. ryan is loading his van. we sit on the front steps a while, soaking in the midafternoon blazing sun, and we talk and prepare to say goodbye. ryan asks me when i'm moving to seattle. i answer. saying goodbye to ryan is not easy. jesse and josh finally load their van. it's time to say goodbye. megan and i see them off. i have just let one friend go east to boston and three others west to seattle. i am still in chicago...i drive megan home. we laugh about the weekend and already we miss the seattlebound boys. but we will see them again in a few weeks so we comfort ourselves w/ that thought. but mikey, there is no comfort there. mikey goes to africa in a month and will not be back in the midwest until christmas. africa is a long ways away. so is christmas. i am nauseous again and go to my mother's house and take a nap. i go back to my apartment and later book hotel rooms for both mikey and the seattle-bound. i go to sleep relieved with the knowledge that all my roadtripping friends are safe with a roof over their heads for the night.
sunday morning i go to church an hour late as usual. the sermon is on stuff that is good for me to hear. i talk to folks. talk to rand my pastor. always good to talk to rand. couldn't ask for a better pastor. go home to meet connolly & olarn my high school buddies to hear of their trip to visit my best friend josh in new york, a trip i should have been on. we walk to anne sather cafe, eat omlettes & swedish pancakes & fruit and they tell me all about the trip. i miss josh terribly. i remember the time in oakland when he and i snuck into the observatory at night up on the big big hill and we climbed up on these steel beams that overlook san francisco and the golden gate bridge and all the lights from the city were so beautiful and we sat and looked and soaked it all in. for some reason i will never forget that moment. 
and so i sit and listen to olarn and connolly tell me stories of a place that josh has been living in without me for the past 5 months and i have never been there except via phone and email and these two have been there in the flesh and i am missing out. and i worry thinking about how it was easier to keep in touch with josh when he was on the west coast than when he moved to the east coast and i think about mikey moving to the east coast and wonder whether i have a mental or emotional block against the east for some reason. but i guess for the most part i was josh's constant when he was in california, and now he's with lielle and she's his constant so it's okay as long as josh is not alone. spending time w/ connolly and olarn is good and refreshing and relaxing. i know they love me even when i disappear for weeks at a time. friends who knew you when you were 16 are good to have around when you've just turned 30.
i hear from mikey later that night to let me know he's arrived safely at his friend's place in boston. he's tired. we have a short conversation. his voice feels further away now that he's in boston, in a different time zone. i wonder if i'll get used to that.
monday night ryan calls me from spokane, wa. he's lost jesse along the way. i worry because jesse has no cell phone. i pray. i wait. i call ryan past 1 am chicago time, 11pm seattle time. he has just walked in the door. all is fine. jesse and josh are fine. i can go to sleep. both coasts have received the friends i have sent and i am in chicago, coastless still.
saying goodbye is not an easy task for me. saying goodbye to people i care about is even harder. saying goodbye to 4 people i care about going in opposite directions in the span of 45 minutes...that's just cruel...it's like the anti-mastercard commercial. but i survived. but megan leaves for iowa on friday, megan who's been my summer sister at the wildwood...the house will seem so empty without her at tim's...the boys are going to miss her so much...TIM AND I are gonna miss her so much...sheesh. at least we'll have one last hurrah in seattle the end of this month. and then deni will be coming to chicago in september.
caleb comes to town tomorrow morning. he called me this afternoon i think from philly. it's always good to hear from caleb. he keeps it real for me. isn't afraid to tell me when i'm being silly. i've even given up calling myself a heathen cuz of him. it'll be cool to spend time w/ him and hopefully rand can hang out w/ us too. i've never observed them interacting, and those two have been the biggest influences in my life these months since my dad died, so it would be interesting to see just what they're like around each other.
anyways, i am jumping off into the deep tomorrow...i am going to a "small group" from church...rand lured me into the idea of going by telling me the facilitators are cool like caleb. we shall see how i survive the small group setting, as i have been so out of that scene. i'll probably get weirded out, but oh well...i'll manage.
i have skipped every concert i had planned on going to since ian's concert in milwaukee...my entire body should be twitching by now. well, i'm seeing tony bennett on thursday at ravinia. i suppose that counts. speaking of ian moore, i am going to see him in houston on october 4th. i haven't told him yet. i need to make sure his entire band is playing. not that i wouldn't go to see just him play. i love his acoustic show! but i want the whole ian moore action company (IMAC) experience, ya know?
so here's what i've been listening to:
in the aeroplane over the sea--neutral milk hotel (like holy schmole, i so totally love this album! ian told me i should really really get it and so i did and boy oh boy was he right on the money...i am listening to it as i type and the tears still come to my eyes...this is the album that ian & those boys from port elecki had done covers from that literally bowled me over at the schuba show...totally awesome stuff...)
kids in philly--marah
serene--serene (yeah, you know what to do...i got mine at tower records. you can get their 1st album at cdbaby.com)
when we were small--rosie thomas
via satellite--ian moore
summerteeth--wilco
the bends--radiohead
keep it like a secret--built to spill
will you find me--ida
someday my blues will cover the earth--his name is alive
revival--gillian welch
oh mercy--bob dylan
wide swing tremelo--son volt
sebastopol--jay farrar
very emergency--the promise ring
100 broken windows--idlewild
everybody makes mistakes--starflyer59
we have the facts and we're voting yes--death cab for cutie
being there 1&2--wilco
amelia's boot--erik brandt & uhq
orange juice--annie quick
"and you're a grown-up and still unsure/ and i'm thirty and i don't know nothing no more..." (from 25 december by everything but the girl)
why is it that the older you get, the less you feel like you know? i remember when i was a child, i was convinced that i had access to all knowlege if i could just plug into the source and concentrate hard enough--the answer would come to me eventually. i think this was the result of my being extremely skilled at multiple choice tests even if i knew nothing about the subject, considering i didn't study very much. i suppose you can argue that if you plug into God, you'd have access to "all knowledge" himself. but i think the reality of my own personal cluelessness has set in as i have gotten older. is it a bad thing to feel like you know nothing? i don't feel so helpless about it...it's just how i happen to feel these days.
on the upside, i do feel changes going on inside of me, positive changes. it's like my heart is reverting back to when i knew innocence. that's like a long time ago for me, cuz i've seen some crap from an early age. i feel like the real me is finally emerging. man, i'm a late bloomer...i suppose it's better to go through this at 30 as opposed to 60. i still feel like i don't have it all put together, but i don't really care about that. i'm actually comfortable with the uncertainty that i'm living with these days. who will i be by the end of 2002? where will i be going in the next couple of years? what will i be doing?
so ryan beatty who i met @ c-stone is on his way from dansville, ny with a u-haul on his way to seattle. he was supposed to caravan w/ jesse sprinkle & a dude named josh (not my josh) but jesse's car is in the shop, so ryan left first and will hang out here in chicago until jesse catches up tomorrow night. megan is coming down to the city to help me host. so i'm just getting the apartment ready...i'm kinda concerned cuz ryan's 6'7" and i have an attic apt. w/ sloped ceilings. he'll have to stay away from the edges i guess.
oh, the photo...this one right here from a recent jaunt up to milwaukee. that's mikey bales of UHQ, my favorite fiddler. he's leaving for boston in a couple days which makes me sad, but i guess i should get used to being left. everybody comes through here and then goes coastal. i don't know if my arms are long enough or strong enough to stretch across both coasts, east & west. i may need to pick a coast someday...there are voices calling from both sides. i just wish josh lived somewhere besides poughkeepsie/beacon, ny. we were supposed to have our big rock candy mountain in california w/ our buddies from high school, and what does the dude do? he moves to new york to be with a girl. go figure. well, i suppose i'd do the same cuz lielle's pretty hot. ha ha!
spread some love and support your local music scene~
stuff i've listened to--
roobrik--the world inside (jesse sprinkle)
mix cd of mostly sad songs cuz i'm a "glutton for pain" according to a friend, like whatever ok.
100 broken windows--idlewild
denison witmer mix cd--get ready for denison to come to a venue near you! fall tour starts in september!
summerteeth--wilco (God bless jeff tweedy...)
why is it that the older you get, the less you feel like you know? i remember when i was a child, i was convinced that i had access to all knowlege if i could just plug into the source and concentrate hard enough--the answer would come to me eventually. i think this was the result of my being extremely skilled at multiple choice tests even if i knew nothing about the subject, considering i didn't study very much. i suppose you can argue that if you plug into God, you'd have access to "all knowledge" himself. but i think the reality of my own personal cluelessness has set in as i have gotten older. is it a bad thing to feel like you know nothing? i don't feel so helpless about it...it's just how i happen to feel these days.
on the upside, i do feel changes going on inside of me, positive changes. it's like my heart is reverting back to when i knew innocence. that's like a long time ago for me, cuz i've seen some crap from an early age. i feel like the real me is finally emerging. man, i'm a late bloomer...i suppose it's better to go through this at 30 as opposed to 60. i still feel like i don't have it all put together, but i don't really care about that. i'm actually comfortable with the uncertainty that i'm living with these days. who will i be by the end of 2002? where will i be going in the next couple of years? what will i be doing?
so ryan beatty who i met @ c-stone is on his way from dansville, ny with a u-haul on his way to seattle. he was supposed to caravan w/ jesse sprinkle & a dude named josh (not my josh) but jesse's car is in the shop, so ryan left first and will hang out here in chicago until jesse catches up tomorrow night. megan is coming down to the city to help me host. so i'm just getting the apartment ready...i'm kinda concerned cuz ryan's 6'7" and i have an attic apt. w/ sloped ceilings. he'll have to stay away from the edges i guess.
oh, the photo...this one right here from a recent jaunt up to milwaukee. that's mikey bales of UHQ, my favorite fiddler. he's leaving for boston in a couple days which makes me sad, but i guess i should get used to being left. everybody comes through here and then goes coastal. i don't know if my arms are long enough or strong enough to stretch across both coasts, east & west. i may need to pick a coast someday...there are voices calling from both sides. i just wish josh lived somewhere besides poughkeepsie/beacon, ny. we were supposed to have our big rock candy mountain in california w/ our buddies from high school, and what does the dude do? he moves to new york to be with a girl. go figure. well, i suppose i'd do the same cuz lielle's pretty hot. ha ha!
spread some love and support your local music scene~
stuff i've listened to--
roobrik--the world inside (jesse sprinkle)
mix cd of mostly sad songs cuz i'm a "glutton for pain" according to a friend, like whatever ok.
100 broken windows--idlewild
denison witmer mix cd--get ready for denison to come to a venue near you! fall tour starts in september!
summerteeth--wilco (God bless jeff tweedy...)
a friend of mine emailed me regarding writing and what vargas llosa had said about writing to another author, that the day you find beauty in this world around you which you now see only as boring and bland, on that day you would become a great writer. that got me thinking about my own experiences of looking for and finding beauty in unlikely places. for me, i can't say my life's been all that boring this past year. it's been one helluva rollercoaster ride. but there has been a lot of pain. a LOT. i am still not comprehending the total impact of my father's death on my life and my heart and my current and future self. but one thing i'm grateful for is that i didn't throw myself into a pit of despair and melancholy. sure, there are bouts w/ both as well as with anger and loneliness and deep deep sadness. but i made a choice to fully experience the pain and to accept it as a privilege and a beautiful part of my life because it amplifies the love my father had for me and the love i still have for my dad. i'm not a glutton for pain, as it may seem. but if that's what i'm going to be given for awhile, i want to gain from it rather than be crushed by it.
i do miss my dad though...just the other day i started crying in my car because i was feeling really blue and i knew that my dad could comfort me if he were around. there are some things in my life that i can receive comfort for only from my dad. and now that he's gone, i don't know where i'll get my comfort from. it's been 3 months. an entire quarter of a year without my dad. and all i see is a lifetime ahead of me still without my dad. i mean, i know he's doing okay and all, and bill mallonee told me this thing about the communion of saints or something and he said my dad's more involved in my life than i may think. i hope so. it would just be really cool to just be with him again, follow him around like a puppy dog. i feel like such a grown-up now without my dad around. and at the same time i often feel like a lost little girl.
well, go find some beauty in your world, even in all the profanity and darkness that exists in our midst. it just takes a tiny bit of light and hope...there's beauty to be found whereever you look.
stuff i've been listening to:
kids in philly--marah (AWESOME! thanks for the heads up, c!)
s/t--ian moore
ian moore's got the green grass--ian moore
summerteeth--wilco
being there 1 & 2--wilco
100 broken windows--idlewild
from dayton with love--morella's forest
river bends ep--denison witmer
safe away--denison
80's ep--denison
of joy and sorrow--denison
philadelphia songs--denison
various mp3s--sweeter than you--aaron sprinkle; goodbye--emmylou harris; a case of you--joni mitchell; 25 december & i don't know anything--ebtg; the weight of my words--kings of convenience; sandalwood--lisa loeb; beautiful--annie quick; picture--mojave 3; time has told me & fly--nick drake; we're just friends--wilco; goodbye (this is not)--over the rhine; dancing lessons--sinead o'connor; dreams--the cranberries; will you find me--american music club; golden slumbers--ben folds; birds and ships--natalie merchant & billy bragg; bread--clem snide; hold on to me--cowboy junkies; farewell & bicycle tricycle--rosie thomas; walk w/ me--damien jurado; time of dying--ian moore; steadier footing & blacking out the friction--death cab for cutie; promise--pedro the lion; i didn't understand--elliott smith; the leaving day--the world inside (jesse); admiral of the oceans and viceroy of india & you are like that friend to me--serene (jesse & ryan)
i do miss my dad though...just the other day i started crying in my car because i was feeling really blue and i knew that my dad could comfort me if he were around. there are some things in my life that i can receive comfort for only from my dad. and now that he's gone, i don't know where i'll get my comfort from. it's been 3 months. an entire quarter of a year without my dad. and all i see is a lifetime ahead of me still without my dad. i mean, i know he's doing okay and all, and bill mallonee told me this thing about the communion of saints or something and he said my dad's more involved in my life than i may think. i hope so. it would just be really cool to just be with him again, follow him around like a puppy dog. i feel like such a grown-up now without my dad around. and at the same time i often feel like a lost little girl.
well, go find some beauty in your world, even in all the profanity and darkness that exists in our midst. it just takes a tiny bit of light and hope...there's beauty to be found whereever you look.
stuff i've been listening to:
kids in philly--marah (AWESOME! thanks for the heads up, c!)
s/t--ian moore
ian moore's got the green grass--ian moore
summerteeth--wilco
being there 1 & 2--wilco
100 broken windows--idlewild
from dayton with love--morella's forest
river bends ep--denison witmer
safe away--denison
80's ep--denison
of joy and sorrow--denison
philadelphia songs--denison
various mp3s--sweeter than you--aaron sprinkle; goodbye--emmylou harris; a case of you--joni mitchell; 25 december & i don't know anything--ebtg; the weight of my words--kings of convenience; sandalwood--lisa loeb; beautiful--annie quick; picture--mojave 3; time has told me & fly--nick drake; we're just friends--wilco; goodbye (this is not)--over the rhine; dancing lessons--sinead o'connor; dreams--the cranberries; will you find me--american music club; golden slumbers--ben folds; birds and ships--natalie merchant & billy bragg; bread--clem snide; hold on to me--cowboy junkies; farewell & bicycle tricycle--rosie thomas; walk w/ me--damien jurado; time of dying--ian moore; steadier footing & blacking out the friction--death cab for cutie; promise--pedro the lion; i didn't understand--elliott smith; the leaving day--the world inside (jesse); admiral of the oceans and viceroy of india & you are like that friend to me--serene (jesse & ryan)
so erik brandt of the urban hillbilly quartet has threatened to have me LIQUIDATED for having listened to the original amelia's boot UNLESS i provide him a cd-rom of the millions of photos i've taken of UHQ this past month. now, i'm not scared of erik or anything like that--he's such a softie i'm sure i'd have no problem taking him--but i thought it might be a good idea to make good on my promise and get those photos to him. so i was going through the million or so photos this weekend, and i came across this one of erik & mikey. i really like it! don't they look halo friendly? UHQ are probably one of my favorite bands to photograph. i mean, how many bands do i get to see where the frontman plays an ACCORDION?! let's see...i know of only one band like that and that would be UHQ.
so it's been over a week since i've been to live music. well, except for friday nite at mikey's parents' house in milwaukee. they had an outdoor "concert" of sorts with songbooks and mikey playing violin and a next door neighbor on flute, and other stuff that i missed. oh, i got to hear mikey play guitar cuz i brought my j-45 and he played "the star of county down" on it. so i guess he's a rappin' fiddler who plays irish folk songs on guitar. but anyways, in terms of official concerts, i skipped my entire lineup this weekend. caleb would be so disappointed...i even bypassed jimmy eat world & the promise ring. i've been wiped out, what can i say. i thought going to j.e.w. would cheer me up, but when i thought about it, i really had no desire to be at the riv for a sold out show for j.e.w. a zillion youngsters kicking me in the shins...hmm...i would've gone for it under normal circumstances, but i was kinda feeling blue yesterday and didn't want to deal w/ humans.
but i'm much better now, thank you...next concert...well, i WAS going to see the juliana theory @ the metro on wednesday, but jesse sprinkle & ryan beatty (of serene) might be coming through town on their way to seattle and will be crashing @ my apartment. i suppose i should actually be home for that. but i do definitely have to get to a concert soon or i'm convinced i'll turn into a pumkin.
i'm really missing my summerteeth cd...i lent it to a friend at work who's taken it all the way across the state for a weekend getaway. that is probably my favorite wilco cd. and since i missed wilco when they were home, i guess i miss summerteeth even more. oh well. gotta share the wealth. i wonder if caleb misses his 'nothing feels good' cd that i am still holding onto the way i miss summerteeth?...now i feel bad....
i’m at my old hideout in the parking lot of the 94th aero squadron restaurant facing south onto the cobalt blue taxiway lights of palwaukee airport. it’s a nick drake kind of night, and i’m feeling as hollow and fragile as a glass christmas ball ornament. i’ve taken my too-full heart and smeared it across the night sky covering the expanse of the continental united states, and it’s getting bloody around here. didn’t know my heart could cover so much ground. my thoughts are floating over the east coast tonight. i could call josh right now, but i won’t. times like this it hurts more to talk to him, and it doesn’t help when his solution is for me to move out to the east coast. but olarn & connolly are out there w/ him right now, and i’m feeling left out. it’s my own fault; i was supposed to go visit too, but i didn’t. i could be on the east coast right now. but i’m not. i’m coastless, and so many i’ve come to love are coasted, be it east or west.
mikey (of uhq) moves to boston in a week. i hear boston’s pretty far from chicago. yet another friend to join the ranks of the eastern time zone. at least megan will stay in the central time zone w/ me, even if she is moving back to iowa city in a couple weeks. all this being left behind is making me restless. i have thoughts of just driving away, away, away. where to? who knows. wherever. does it really matter?
the stars are hard to find tonite. the moon isn’t showing it’s face right now. the sky looks gray, even though it’s not cloudy. it must be really humid or something. i am tired from being blue...i think the barbed wire fence is going up around my heart. i’m always putting up those darn things and then having to tear ‘em down again. i don’t want a barbed wire fence-enclosed heart. as losing my dad taught me, it’s better to leave my heart exposed to the pain and to soak it in. don’t ask me why, it just is. it’s more real that way. and it’s about being real, ya know? it’s my only chance at true happiness.
you know what the perfect music is for a night like tonight? pedro the lion, emmylou harris, nick drake. yeah. perfect...perfect for making you want to put a hole in your head that is...i should go listen to some debbie gibson or maybe some hanson. except i own neither. well, it's james devours planet & the covenant circle tomorrow. that should cheer me up a bit. actually, i'm feeling much better. like 5% or someting better. cheerio. spread some love, y'all. i'm toast...
stuff i’ve been listening to:
'cross the big pond--vigilantes of love
devotion & doubt--richard buckner
american english ep--idlewild
s/t—serene (it’s ryan & jesse! go get this cd at your local big music megastore)
s/t—holiday runner (it’s ryan & jesse again! can’t get this anywhere ‘cept from the boys)
wood/water—the promise ring
very emergency—the promise ring
england, half english--billy bragg & the blokes
being there 1&2—wilco
s/t--jimmy eat world
and all the colors...—ian moore
via satellite—ian moore
ian moore’s got the green greass—ian moore
denison witmer mix
misc mp3s: hold onto me & you’ll be loved again—cowboy junkies; time has told me & fly—nick drake; this is not goodbye—over the rhine; whole—pedro the lion; goodbye—emmylou harris; a case of you—joni mitchell; pictures & yer feet—mojave3; the weight of my words—the kings of convenience; nightswimming—r.e.m.; thinking out loud—ron sexsmith; sandalwood—lisa loeb; valentine—old 97’s; dancing lessons & hold back the night—sinead o’connor; will you find me & western sky—american music club; halo friendly—damien jurado; bread—clem snide; flying as she falls—heather nova
mikey (of uhq) moves to boston in a week. i hear boston’s pretty far from chicago. yet another friend to join the ranks of the eastern time zone. at least megan will stay in the central time zone w/ me, even if she is moving back to iowa city in a couple weeks. all this being left behind is making me restless. i have thoughts of just driving away, away, away. where to? who knows. wherever. does it really matter?
the stars are hard to find tonite. the moon isn’t showing it’s face right now. the sky looks gray, even though it’s not cloudy. it must be really humid or something. i am tired from being blue...i think the barbed wire fence is going up around my heart. i’m always putting up those darn things and then having to tear ‘em down again. i don’t want a barbed wire fence-enclosed heart. as losing my dad taught me, it’s better to leave my heart exposed to the pain and to soak it in. don’t ask me why, it just is. it’s more real that way. and it’s about being real, ya know? it’s my only chance at true happiness.
you know what the perfect music is for a night like tonight? pedro the lion, emmylou harris, nick drake. yeah. perfect...perfect for making you want to put a hole in your head that is...i should go listen to some debbie gibson or maybe some hanson. except i own neither. well, it's james devours planet & the covenant circle tomorrow. that should cheer me up a bit. actually, i'm feeling much better. like 5% or someting better. cheerio. spread some love, y'all. i'm toast...
stuff i’ve been listening to:
'cross the big pond--vigilantes of love
devotion & doubt--richard buckner
american english ep--idlewild
s/t—serene (it’s ryan & jesse! go get this cd at your local big music megastore)
s/t—holiday runner (it’s ryan & jesse again! can’t get this anywhere ‘cept from the boys)
wood/water—the promise ring
very emergency—the promise ring
england, half english--billy bragg & the blokes
being there 1&2—wilco
s/t--jimmy eat world
and all the colors...—ian moore
via satellite—ian moore
ian moore’s got the green greass—ian moore
denison witmer mix
misc mp3s: hold onto me & you’ll be loved again—cowboy junkies; time has told me & fly—nick drake; this is not goodbye—over the rhine; whole—pedro the lion; goodbye—emmylou harris; a case of you—joni mitchell; pictures & yer feet—mojave3; the weight of my words—the kings of convenience; nightswimming—r.e.m.; thinking out loud—ron sexsmith; sandalwood—lisa loeb; valentine—old 97’s; dancing lessons & hold back the night—sinead o’connor; will you find me & western sky—american music club; halo friendly—damien jurado; bread—clem snide; flying as she falls—heather nova
last night i dropped by my mom's house to pick up mail (and eat her food) when i ran across denison witmer's new record "philadelphia songs" which i had left on my brother's record player. i listened to the song 'do i really have to?' like at least 10 times...and i thought about my dad...and i asked the same question, 'do i really have to let you go?' it just amazes me that denison was able to take a few emails i'd sent him and write a song that so closely captures the emotions i was going through at the time. i can't listen to that song without being transported back to the middle of the night during those final days in the end of april and the very beginnings of may when i sat beside my dad's hospital bed and watched as he finally let go his grip on this world and slipped away.
it's funny how the heart attaches significance to people who were at all involved in earthshattering events in our lives. folks like denison, my pastor rand, steve nicholson (evanston vcf pastor), tim, caleb, among others--those who were there for me somehow during and immediately after my father's death, they will always be the ones i can share feelings associated w/ that event that i can't share with most other folks. it's been hard lately to connect to those emotions, and it's not like i'm going to go digging them up. but when situations arise (like listening to denison's song last night) that give me the opportunity to reconnect to that part of myself where the pain & the confusion & the anger still lie...where i can touch the beauty of the grief that comes from having loved and been loved so intensely...where i can come face to face with the still fresh and tender scars...when such situations arise, i seize the opportunity because even though it's painful, it's the kind of pain that lets you know you're alive and human, and that's a beautiful thing...
been listening to:
philadelphia songs--denison witmer (cd will be coming out 9/24; lp is out now. get his stuff on www.burnttoastvinyl.com)
summerteeth--wilco
being there--wilco
straighaways--son volt
s/t--holiday runner
amelia's boot--erik brandt & the urban hillbilly quartet
via satellite--ian moore action company
ian moore's got the green grass--ian moore
blister soul--vigilantes of love
odd side of the street--mike merz and can of worms
bourbonitis blues--alejandro escovedo
love & theft--bob dylan
the ghost of tom joad--bruce springsteen (i love this album...the boss is so totally rawk!)
the rising--bruce springsteen
