Shutterbug Mama

this is the last day of 2002 and it will most likely be my last post of the year...

that is so strange to me...this has been an incredible year for me...ted mentioned to me the other day how this year has been a year of a lot of changes for both of us...that got me thinking about a lot of things...but i'm not going to get into that right now because it's just too serious...

i went to the empty bottle last night and i decided i want to be in a punk rock band. i will admit that i 've been writing songs...but they're all like really acoustic folk songs...i need to figure out how to convert those songs into punk rock songs...i think i should start playing my electric guitar instead of my acoustic guitar...

i have discovered that there is an archery club in lincoln park that does archery clinics periodically. i have seriously decided to pursue learning how to use the bow & arrow. ted & i are going to be elves. he will learn how to throw knives and i will learn to shoot an arrow. ted needs to grow his hair out. he already has elvish eyes though. i need to work on mine. we need elven names as well. i need a star too. and a kingdom.

friday was the appointed day of the lord of the rings biathalon for ted and me. ted had us starting w/ movie #1 at 4pm sharp. since i had gotten the extended footage edition, we didn't finish until 7:30, and then it was off to webster place for two towers!

luckily, i had gotten tickets beforehand off of fandango.com because it was a sold out show. they actually checked our tickets THREE times, once at the entrance, again past the popcorn stand, and a third time when we entered the actual theater it was showing in. the cool thing about seeing a movie in the theater is that sometimes you get to see some really cool previews. there are now a string of movies that ted & i want to see, some of which won't come out until spring and summer. but we both want to see the new star trek one, and that catch me if you can movie. ted says i have to read the book for that first...he says he read it and that it'll be so much better than the movie, but i don't know...i really wanna see that movie soon. then Xmen2 is coming out on may 2nd, and terminator3 is coming out in the summer...these are exciting times we live in.

two towers was AWESOME. ted & i are both enamored with legalos, the elf...for different reasons of course...i used to want to be a fairy, but now i think i want to be an elf. an elf who rides horses and shoots a bow & arrow, but not to kill animals unless it's an animal hurting another animal or a human being. ted was so funny...he kept going "oh, no...oh, no...oh, no..." throughout the movie, which didn't help me, as i'm a wimp w/ violence, and that just made me even more nervous.

so ted & i have decided that next year when the third lord of the rings movie comes out, we're going to do a triathalon & watch the first two on dvd and then run out to the theater...that's gonna be like an 11 hour ordeal! yesterday was 8 hours from start to finish. we'll need lots of popcorn...

so call me a geek, but i rented "theremin: an electronic odessy" a documentary about the first electronic instrument, the theremin...that's the creepy sounding instrument that got some use on old sci fi movie soundtracks. it was really fascinating...the movie told the story about the scientist named leon theremin who invented the instrument. andy myers of hidari mae plays the theremin on their album...i'm gonna have to ask him if he saw this movie. the cool thing was that robert moog (yes! the inventor of THE moog) was on the documentary. apparently, he got his start into building electronic instruments as a teenager when he started building his own theremins. i had no idea that the moog had its origins in the theremin. the really interesting thing about the theremin is that you control pitch and volume by disturbing an electromagnetic field w/ your hands. so you're not even touching the instrument...you just move your hands and fingers in the vicinity of these two antennae...well, it's not that simple, but that's the basic idea...

so i went to the trader joe's today to get a few items and to see ted who was working...almost as soon as i walked into the store, this other customer started staring at me and following me around...it was really creepy...i've never had that happen at a grocery store before. he struck up a conversation w/ me, and i know i shouldn't talk to strangers, but i really can't NOT talk to people when they talk to me first, so we talked a bit, and then he asks me for my number! i was really taken aback by that--like who actually bluntly asks for a number these days?? don't people ask for email addresses first??--and i stammered and flat out lied...i told him i was seeing someone...i mean, this guy was old enough to be my uncle...i'm done with older men...been there, done that, didn't work...maybe i need to read that worst case scenario book on dating that connolly got me...i'm sure it tells you what to do in a situation like that...well, it probably suggests lying as a solution...oh well...

been listening to--
reject all american--bikini kill
it's hard--the who
bakesale--sebadoh
nothing lives long...--brave captain
fun house--the stooges
us and us only--the charlatans uk
murray street--sonic youth
let us garlands bring--early day miners

i have absolutely nothing to say that is worth sharing...i spent the past couple days mainly missing people who are either not in chicago or not on the planet any more...that's what i don't like about the holidays...it puts thoughts in your head you'd rather not have...you remember christmases from years past...for the past 9 christmases, there was bruce and there was my dad...this year i have neither...it's weird...it's sad...

but i'm trying to be positive, you know...i know that there are people who still care about me...like my cousin kris and my friend connie...they are two friends i will always go back to...and we always have fun...like on saturday when connie & i crashed the xmas party that kris was at and looked on at a group of our crazy korean friends doing karaoke...or monday night when we spent a crazy long time trying to pick dvds at facets then drove around all over lakeview, lincoln park and logan square looking for a KFC because that's what we wanted and we had to have it (connie discovered that ZAGAT.com does not list KFCs, even in a major city like chicago)...

then there's connolly...we went to see a benefit show on sunday nite @ the beat kitchen. dan phillips of my local faves zapruder point and eric z were playing together...connolly & i did our gift exchange...and would you believe that he got me the worst-case scenario survival handbook on dating & sex?!! yes, now i can learn how to escape from a bad date, save my date from choking, fend off an obsessive ex, determine if my date is an axe murderer, carry a date who is passed out, among many other useful skills. connolly must think i'm totally romantically challenged to be thinking i need this book. or maybe he thinks i can use all the help i can get. which is probably true. i'm quite clueless.

oh, cool thing about sunday (besides seeing dan & eric who are lovely lovely people) was seeing my friends jenn & john and geoff. they all went to college w/ dan & eric...john introduced me to built to spill and my bloody valentine, and for that he & jenn have my undying devotion. not to mention they're two of the coolest people i know. and geoff taught me the bass line for r.e.m.'s catapult and introduced me to the 10 cat tavern and arcade baseball.

so on xmas eve i got together @ my cousins'...casey...ike...kris...yonju...my brother jim...it was a small crowd compared to past christmases w/ kris & yonju's brothers and yonju's boyfriend and bruce who i guess used to be one of the cousins...well, kris & i brought our liquor collection, and i had some midori which is always a good thing...we watched the extended version of the lord of the rings #1 movie...i'm gonna have to get that version when i watch it w/ ted cuz i think it'll explain things a lot better for him since he's never seen the movie or read the book before...i wonder when we're gonna do that because i'm really eager to see #2 now...

xmas day was pretty mellow...went to my uncle's for dinner...my cousins sherline and debbie were in town from their respective towns (atlanta & boston) so it was good to see them again. debbie showed us her scrapbook from her october trip to paris and london, and seeing those photos totally made me want to go to europe. but i think i'll wait until i can take someone who speaks french fluently. and until it's a tad warmer.

i've missed my dad a lot the past couple days...i guess that goes without saying...and when i miss my dad, i miss ian because he's the only person i know who could evoke in me the same feelings of security and being unconditionally loved that my dad used to stir in me...i really wish i were going to austin for new year's eve...

i can't find my disintegration cd...i'm trying to breathe slow because i'm starting to panic...CRAP!!!!

merry christmas eve...

so thursday night i got my new tv for my dvd player. how'd i get it up the stairs? well, my friend ted, who's the drummer for watchers, was nice enough to come over and carry the darn thing up to my attic apartment. ted actually has a vested interest in my getting a tv. we have this agreement that since he's never seen the 1st lord of the rings, we're gonna watch it at my place on dvd and then immediately after, run out to the theatre to see the new one (two towers). so yeah, we got the tv up the stairs, hooked it up to the dvd, popped in iron monkey, hit play, and uh looked at static...well, we tried...we failed...after ted left, i actually read the manual and realized i hadn't pressed the tv/video button, and voila! iron monkey!

so after work friday, i went to facets multimedia to get a xmas present and some dvds...just a few meters shy of their front door, as i was crossing fullerton, i had an experience i've never had before...some car came out of nowhere at a high speed passing the stopped cars on the right and as it screeched to a halt, it knocked me to the ground...it all happened so fast, but in that last split second when i saw the car coming and i knew i was gonna get hit, it was the weirdest experience...i didn't really get hurt--skinned & bruised left knee is about it, thank goodness--but in that very moment just prior to getting hit, i didn't know that i would come out of that experience ok, and i had the sensation of imminent danger...it's amazing how your brain processes moments like that...it's not something i want to experience like ALL the time, but having gone through it, i can appreciate it. mainly just cuz it's like nothing i've experienced before.

so i get home and pop in one of the dvds i got, and it just so happened to be waking life, the animated film by the dude who did slackers and dazed & confused...i had no idea what this movie was about, and i was immediately drawn into it...it was all about the dream world...which was so weird because ted & i had spent so much time last week talking about that. it was an absolutely gorgeous movie...if you haven't seen it, go rent it right now...i'm gonna buy me a copy because i think i need to see it multiple times.

there was one part that really got to me...it's the part about the real moment being eternity, and God extending an invitation to us to be one w/ eternity, and how time is a manifestation of us saying no to that invitation...now i don't understand all the ramifications of that idea, but thinking about being one w/ eternity...that kinda hits me in the core of my being, ya know? i've been thinking about reality and perception and the physical dimensions of time and space and other realms of existence and just existence in general and why i exist and how it is that it wasn't my choice but i exist and how is that fair and what would it be like to NOT exist which i suppose such a state of being could not BE just based on the definition of nonexistence so basically there is nothing that isn't and everything is but why and why those things why humans why me and is there life on other planets is there life in other realities because this reality seems so limited and narrow to me and what really is the dreamworld why does it seem so real and how does time stop in dreams and how does time go at lightning speed in dreams and why can't the dreams in which i'm with my dad be real why do i have to wake from those dreams and how is it that i know things in dreams seemingly telepathically and do we sleep when we die and do we dream when we die and what is death really like and what is the essence of the soul and spirit and where do all these new souls come from for all these babies being born everywhere babies babies everywhere and how do i see beyond this world beyond the physical and how important is reality and what is the standard foundation of the knowledge of good and evil and is there any new thought to be thunk and how do i know when i've found truth how do i know it's true and is knowing as important as believing and what if i get it all wrong and just die without getting anything right what then and would it really matter in the end and would God really care if i said no to him and if i say no to God what am i saying yes to and what's worth saying yes to and what's worth anything and does it really matter?

as i watched this movie, i thought about ian and wished he were with me...i knew he could explain some of the headier stuff to me...and i don't know what caleb thinks about all this, but i'm sure he'll tell me when he comes to visit...i have to show this movie to ted so we can talk about it because i think he'd totally relate. he is one of the biggest dreamers i know.

oh, as a side note, one freaky thing about the movie is, and if you haven't seen the movie, skip this part, that at one point, the main character gets hit by a car! like that was FREAKY. to get hit by a car and come home and watch a movie in which the main dude gets hit by a car.

my head is killing me...ouch...

ok. this just in...i have finally finished the photo pages from my new york city trip from over a month ago. so for your viewing pleasure, go here which is the first of eight pages of photos. yeah, lots of photos for that trip. so the first page is basically of me, olarn, connolly & josh on our first 16 hours or so together. page 2 is photos i took w/ caleb, my good old buddy who lives in connecticut. there's cool midtown/time square shots in there. page 3 is stuff i took, mostly alone, while wandering around midtown manhattan, lost, dazed and confused cuz i was stupid. but i had fun taking pictures, so i guess it all worked out. page 4 is mostly group shots w/ connolly, olarn, josh and his fiance lielle @ the rockefeller and other places. page 5 is of the gang at a bar/restaurant and a famous local coffeeshop. page 6 has some of my favourite photos from the trip. a few may be my all-time favourite photos ever. it was a photoshoot i did in beacon, ny (where josh & lielle live) the morning of the day we were leaving. it was frickin' cold, i was kneeling on various cold surfaces for an hour, and i got a really bad cold from it...which seems to be coming back right now...page 7 is josh & lielle's very cute cats. i take good cat pictures, i think...page 8 is mostly reflection self-portraits and the last few shots driving to the airport...

ok. that's about it...

i am a human popsicle...my office is fuhREEEEZING...i think i'm getting sick again...

went to see the eternals @ the empty bottle last night. they're a derivative of the band trenchmouth, which was a big influence on assembly line people program, michael's band before watchers. i met ted (watchers' drummer) there, and we talked in the pool table room all through the opening band. i had started reading siddhartha by hermann hesse the day before & i had told ted that he reminded me of siddhartha. at first he thought that was an insult. i have no idea why. ted reminds me of my best friend josh. now that is a huge statement because there is no one on earth who up to this point came close to being anything like josh because he's one in a gazillion. ted comes pretty darn close though. like he knows how to fly planes, even though he doesn't have a license, and he loves flying. and he thinks so WAAAAAAY out of the box, the oval, the triangle, the octagon, the dodectohedron, the rhombus, just like josh. he & i can talk for hours about nothing much in particular, just like me & josh. it's kinda weird...

so siddhartha the book is really interesting...it's my first time reading it, and in two days i'm almost done w/ it...it's pretty short and really, really easy reading. it's basically about being on a spiritual journey, and i can really relate to a lot of what siddhartha went through...i think i should read it a couple more times...

don't forget--zapruder point this thursday @ the chase cafe at 7pm. cheap show.

been listening to--
let us garlands bring--early day miners
XO--elliott smith
s/t--hidari mae
via satellite--ian moore action company
100 broken windows--idlewild
get lost--magnetic fields
oddessy and oracle--the zombies

standing in line for jeff tweedy tickets was quite an experience. had a great conversation w/ a woman named rebekah who noticed my WLUW button. it's always cool talking to other music fans, esp. ones who are older than the usual 22 year olds i mainly run into. we both agree that WLUW is the only station worth listening to in chicago for music. while we were talking the guy behind me jumped into the conversation, and it turned out to be ed wang, whom i'd met through ian the week before. ed was a friend of gary, who ran ian's merch table at the schubas show. both of them went to see the wilco movie w/ me & ian. it was great to see ed again. he's a storehouse of musical knowledge, and y'all know how i feel about those kinds of people (hence my affinity for folks like michael & caleb). i happened to have a copy of the version of black-eyed dog that ian sent me, so i let ed listen to that. all in all, waiting in line for over an hour was a piece of cake when i was flanked on both sides by true blue music fans.

hung out w/ pete & amy this weekend. they came and had dinner w/ me at piece on north ave last night. turns out someone i went to high school w/ is the general manager over there. small world...then today i actually went down to hyde park for church. i had promised rand i'd see him sometime before christmas, so i made good on my promise. i walked in as the band played the last song like i always do...then sam, pete, amy & i went to medici's bakery for coffee (and apple croissant...yum...) and then to dave pantzer's apt for scrabble & pancakes & scrambled eggs. sam was leaving for l.a. today, so that was another reason i went to church. i hadn't seen him in weeks. i love hanging out w/ pete & amy & sam...they're my peeps, ya know?

so the holidays are closing in...the end of the year is at hand...and i'm too tired right now to think about all this...

been listening to--
ian's stuff
the rising tide--sunny day real estate
one beat--sleater-kinney
quiet--sheila chandra
boss disque--beatnik filmstars
wake up!--boo radleys
disintegration--the cure
badlands (a tribute to bruce springsteen's nebraska)--various artists
mutilate us--am/fm

i am about to go stand in line at the vic for jeff tweedy tickets...

THIS JUST IN!!!! caleb & crew will be here to see the jeff tweedy show w/ me!!!!!!!!!!!!! caleb has given me the green light to buy the tickets!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!! i'm gonna see jeff tweedy in 4 weeks w/ CALEB & dickey's funky love bomb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

michael doesn't like jeff tweedy. he doesn't like springsteen either. i wonder if i should stay friends w/ him...just kidding...he forgives me my mistakes in music, i forgive him his. actually, i don't think he really forgives me what he considers my bad choices in music...

i think i nearly killed myself doing laundry today...carrying that frickin' hamper up and down the stairs, man...actually, my back's been killing me all day...slept funny i guess.

ian & crew got stuck in the snow storm up east yesterday...i hope they got to boston ok...i was worried they'd get stuck in that. ian said when they did get back on the roads, they could only go 20 mph. ouch. i miss ian... he sent me a song a couple days ago that he made me promise i wouldn't listen to until i was going to sleep w/ my headphones on, so i did as he said...it was a totally gorgeous version of nick drake's black-eyed dog that he did...TEN WHOLE MINUTES...it was perfect for bedtime.

i almost bought a ticket to austin yesterday for new years eve...i called my travel agency and everything...but i decided that i'll save those vacation days for SXSW and do an extended trip then. you have no idea how much self control it is taking me to NOT buy that ticket...

alright...tomorrow is the office holiday party. that means i get to leave work early. thank goodness! i'm having my new cd deck installed in my car tomorrow because i've HAD IT w/ my cd changer that skips every time i drive over a pebble. it's enough to give a girl a nervous tick, all that skipping. and it's a crime, a CRIME i tell you, to have any skips while listening to the cure's disintegration.

this just in...jeff tweedy is doing two solo shows @ the vic 1/8 and 1/9!!!!!!!!!! i'm am hoping that caleb & crew will be here by the 9th so we can go to that show together...i couldn't imagine a better person to see this show w/ than caleb! except ian. well, i already saw wilco w/ ian in seattle, so it would be totally cool to see this show w/ caleb!

going to the spin cycle to do my monthly load of laundry.

saw michael of watchers for the 1st time since the dudes got back from the recording studio. from what i hear, the album sounds frickin' awesome and they haven't even mixed yet. the boys said michael's vocals sound like bryan ferry. weird. it was apparently an amazing recording experience, and they all emerged alive and well. a bit dazed maybe...coming back to reality was hard on 'em i'm sure...cd release is slated for mid spring off gern blandsten. pretty soon, you too will be able to see a watchers show in YOUR neck of the woods because they'll be touring, oh yes, these boys will be touring. well, i hope they do. they're such a live show band, ya know...michael's a frickin' lunatic on stage. we were watching the footage from the milwaukee cactus club show that michael's roommate libor shot, and we all agreed that michael's a frickin' lunatic. if you live in chicago, watchers will be playing the hideout w/ owls on sat. 1/11. don't know what time. it's some benefit show so i bet there's a bunch of bands playing. they don't have it on the schedule yet.

today i listened to some gillian welch & emmylou harris & ian moore as well as:
13--blur
a brief history of the 20th century--gang of four
last broadcast--doves

alright. i have discovered today that i completed the hidari mae photos page and didn't even know about it. click here for photos. hidari mae is that band in seattle that i went to see a few weeks ago when i was visiting my boys in serene. andy myers is the lead singer. he plays drums for damien jurado's gathered in song band. eric fisher, damien's guitar player (as well as rosie thomas's guitar player) is also in hidari mae, as is greg danforth, a crazy moped riding tatt artist, and david broecker of the prom. they are a bunch of lovely guys making beautifully rawk music. you should buy their cd. send andy money or go to amazon.com.

i have spent 27.5 hours in the office this week and tuesday's not even over yet...that is just WRONG...i need another vacation..

i'm seriously considering going to austin for new year's eve. the ian moore action company (ian's full band) will be doing a new year's eve bash, and ian will be in texas that whole week, so i'd get to see a bit of him...yeah, i know, i'm nuts...but i just really miss him...and he's got all these new songs he wants me to hear...and it would be so much warmer in texas.

i got an email from jesse today. the serene boys are in the bay area...i know it's not exactly warm there, but i'd still prefer to be in san fran than chicago in december. they'll soon make it to warmer territory...i wish i were on that trip...i miss cali. esp. the bay area. some of my favourite memories w/ my best friend josh are in that area...walking for hours in san fran and somehow always ending up @ ghiardelli square, hanging out in oakland and having josh tell me it was berkeley, finally discovering the REAL berkeley, sneaking in to the chabot observatory at night for a view of the city, getting lost in the fog in the hills of oakland in pitch black night, playing reverse jenga and frisbee on chrissy field, trespassing on pebble beach not realizing i was on a golf course, napping in a downtown park in carmel-by-the-sea, watching the kite surfers off the pacific coast highway, taking in the green-flash sunset on half-moon bay, getting lost on the way to mt. diablo, hanging w/ the young 'uns in alameda, watching the girls basketball team run laps @ stanford in palo alto, and of course flying in a little cessna over the bay at sunset...

been listening to:
sam cooke's SAR Records story--sam cooke
from the nest of ideas--scientific
s/t--pinback
how it feels to be something on--sunny day real estate
in between ep--rosie thomas
whole ep--pedro the lion
and all the colors--ian moore
s/t--hidari mae
disintegration--the cure
s/t--serene
nebrask--bruce springsteen
now you know--doug martsch
locket full of moonlight--bill mallonee
oh mercy--bob dylan
bringing it all back home--bob dylan
the sebadoh--sebadoh
no good for no one now--owen
being there--wilco
89/93 anthology--uncle tupelo
straightaways--son volt

i am at work still because of my idiotic flat tire mistaken for bad brakes incident on friday...

i made this mix cd yesterday that i'm listening to right now...the cool thing about working late in the office is that i can blast the music and sing as loud as i want. the maintenance staff are used to me by now...anyways, this cd is killing me right now...check out this tracklist:

1. medication -- damien jurado (on my top 20 list of the saddest songs ever...when i told eric fisher, damien's guitar player that i cried at his show, he guessed right away, "medication?" and i was like yup...that's how sad that song is...ouch...)

2. most of the time -- bob dylan ("most of the time/ my head is on straight...")

3. shooting star -- bob dylan (i have a special relationship w/ shooting stars..."guess it's too late to say the things to you/that you needed to hear me say/seen a shooting star tonight slip away")

4. highway patrolman -- bruce springsteen (i cried listening to this song yesterday...it's what spurred on this compilation..."i catch him when he's strayin', like any brother would/ man turns his back on his family, he just ain't no good.")

5. youngstown -- bruce springsteen (i've always loved this song for some reason...it's like a sonic vignette that conjures up images of black & white photos of an industrial town)

6. today -- ian moore (i love this song...esp when ian does it live in combo w/ his version of "will the circle be unbroken"...that killed me the first time i heard it...ian's the one who got me to listen to springsteen's nebraska [the one w/ track 4 on it] yesterday after i got off the phone w/ him)

7. goodbye--emmylou harris (tearjerker for sure...esp. if you're like me...)

8. orphan girl--gillian welch (one of my favourite songs...i love emmylou's version of this too)

9. no shadow of turning--lost dogs (derri daugherty has one of the prettiest voices i've ever heard...)

10. golden slumbers--lost dogs (these guys do some of the most beautiful harmonies...)

11. looking for a way out--uncle tupelo (i love hearing both jay farrar's and jeff tweedy's voices intertwined)

12. screen door--uncle tupelo (jeff sounds so young here...)

13. way down watson--son volt (he sings this soooo sad...)

14. windfall--son volt (i love the lines "never feel alone/you're really not alone")

15. i thought i held you--wilco ("i'm like a songwriter/ you're the reason i've run out/ run out of metaphors")

16. sunken treasure--wilco (this is my favourite wilco song..."i am so out of tune with you..." that's how i've felt w/ certain people & certain institutions...)

17. dirty job--bill mallonee (off his new album locket full of moonlight--"failure's such a dirty job/ i don't know if i'm up to it..." this is such a pretty song...)

18. casualty--vigilantes of love ("i try to do what i should/ but it doesn't do any good does it")

19. on to bethlehem--vigilantes of love (one of my favourite VoL songs...slays me every time...bill did it live on sat. night.."it's cold this year/ and i'm late on my dues/ it's cold in here/ ah but that's nothing new/ my heart's electric w/ your love again/ so it's on to bethlehem")

i wanna go home...

this just in...zapruder point will be doing a show on thursday, dec. 19 @ chase cafe which is at 7301 n. sheridan road (that's at chase & sheridan, just north of touhy). show starts at 7pm. it's byob and dinner is available. john aselin of electric (who also happens to be dan's (zp's frontman & songwriter extraordinnaire no joke hombre) roommate) will be opening up. zapruder point is dan phillips on 2string guitar and vocals, tom millard on drums and casey millard on violin. they play beautiful music. seriously. they blew me away the first time i ever saw them back in may. you guys have no idea how long i've been waiting for a zp show. why, just on 11/25, i posted that zp need to play some shows.

awesome...

been listening to a lot of dylan and springsteen and other stuff. wilco of course. VoL too. and misc mp3s. getting back to the basics.

ok. on friday i did one of the dumbest things i've ever done in my life as an adult...

so i drive off for work in the morning, and a block later, my car starts making this awful grinding racket like something is very very wrong with the car. since i know nothing about cars, i called my friend allison @ work and described the noise to her. she told me it was probably my brakes and to call midas. so i make it back home, i call midas and describe the sounds, and they say to bring it in, that it would be okay to drive the mile to the shop...so i'm driving over to the fireside bowl which is where the midas is located, over on fullerton & rockwell, and at fullerton and western, as i'm making my left turn onto fullerton, i start smelling burning rubber. that's when it dawns on me that the awful grinding noise is that of my car driving on an entirely flat front passenger side tire. when i pulled over and looked at the tire, the rubber was literally falling off the rim...brilliant...i never even thought about checking the tires! i called midas again, and they were nice enough to send over two guys to change my tire. did i mention it was frickin' cold? those guys were really nice, and when i took my car to the shop, they checked it out for me and found me a tire store nearby that had the tire model i needed.

so i basically never made it into work because by the time my tire was changed, it was 1pm, and i did not want to deal w/ the friday traffic. one good thing about this whole ordeal is that i found a cafe called katerina's next door to the tire shop that's got great food (the portabello mushroom quiche was very yummy), the owner (katerina) is superbly friendly, and she is a big supporter of the arts. the reason i went in at all was that she had a poster up for theater oobleck, my favorite chicago area fringe thespians. turns out this cafe has live jazz performances and movie nights as well. i could spend hours just hanging out on the couches or at the tables or at the bar. i think wed. nites is sangria nite--you bring your own wine and they provide a pitcher of fruit, and you watch a movie. that sounds awesome. totally go check 'em out if you live in chicago. they're at 1920 w. irving park road, just east of damen, a couple doors down from duxler tires.

so yeah, that was one of the dumbest things i ever did, mistake a flat tire for bad brakes...but it was a totally serenditpitous event as i now have a new place to go and relax...esp. at noon on a friday...

i guess when michael put air in that tire last sunday and found it was going flat again a few hours later and he told me i had a slow leak and that i should do something about it, it should've tipped me off that i might get a flat...but if i'd listened to him, i never would've found katerina's.

well, it's been a rawk'n'roll weekend for me...nah...it was just great seeing people i really love like ian and bill...which was totally rawk, yeah...

friday night ian was late getting to chicago. he was supposed to sound check @ schubas @ 6pm, and i was supposed to meet him for dinner, but he didn't get in until like 7, and the show was supposed to start at 7:30, so he only had a few minutes before the show to hang out. i got to meet his family who live out in the western burbs. chris, ian's tour manager, was there too, so that was cool to see him again. he was so nice to me when i was visiting austin.

the show was packed out...it's always weird being w/ ian at one of his shows at a venue that draws his fanbase because he's got a really loyal bunch of fans...someone had this huge fender guitar pick (like the size of the palm of my hand) that he asked ian to autograph. that was the first time i ever saw anyone asking for an autograph @ schubas. we hung out in the back as jon dee graham opened up. jon dee is from austin too and he's awesome. he's got a raspy voice like he's been smoking all his life and it's absolutely lovely.

ian had had some tough shows in the midwest prior to chicago. but that night, he had the crowd eating out of the palm of his hand. he got to do some new material, which is different from his old stuff (more poppy) and everyone loved it. he played really well too. he opened w/ wash away my troubles, the sam cooke cover that i love so much...ian has such a beautiful voice...and i know that, but every time i see him live, i'm blown away anew all over again...he did some of my favorites...caroline, magdelena, today/will the circle be unbroken, room 229, fickle, elephant tears...

ian had a lot of fun playing that show...unfortunately, there was another show right after ian's show, so we were kind of rushed out of the music room. we had dinner at the harmony grill. tim was there and he & ian talked business, and then we walked over to the musicbox to see the wilco movie. it was cold, but i'm glad we walked because ian and i got to talk on the way to the movie. i'm so glad i got to see the wilco movie w/ ian. he and i have talked so much about wilco, and how much their music has meant to the both of us, esp. this past year in light of our respective personal struggles. i couldn't wait for him to see that part in the movie when jeff tweedy is in the tour bus w/ his family, and he's sitting next to his son trying to guess which of daddy's songs he's clapping out on his lap. ian liked that part...i'm sure he must miss his family while he's touring...i love hearing stories about max...

saturday, ian, chris & jon dee came and met me in the city and we went to penny's noodles for some thai food. they LOVED it. i was so relieved because ian has traveled so much and he cooks authentic thai food himself, so i knew he knows his good thai food from his mediorcre thai food. penny's came through for me...and they're cheap too. can't beat that. after lunch, we went over to reckless records. it was so neat to take ian where i buy the majority of my musical picks. he picked up a copy of the new doug martsch (built to spill frontman) solo cd. someone gave him the vinyl and he really liked it. i had bought that same cd just the day before, and i listened to it a couple times yesterday, and i have to say i really like it. it's not really like the built to spill stuff, but i still like it. i really like doug's voice.

after the record store, the guys had to drive up to milwaukee for their gig @ the social club, which is where ian and i forged our friendship the end of july. i really wish i could have gone with them...but i also really wanted to see bill mallonee who was opening up for over the rhine @ schubas that night. it's so hard saying goodbye to ian...i can't really explain it...it's kinda like saying goodbye to jesse. so much of the bond between me and both these guys is nonverbal because they're kindred spirits in a sense.

this may be hard to believe, but when i look at ian, i'm reminded of how my dad used to look at me...that same unconditional acceptance and love...except for maybe jesse, there really isn't anyone who makes me feel special and loved in that little girl/princess kind of way like ian does. it's all in the little things he does...like how he kisses my forehead or touches my hair and smiles at me w/ those eyes that heal me in the places where i miss my dad so much...these things remind me of what it was like to know that there was one person in the world who loved me without a doubt, whether i was a good girl or not...these things remind me that i have the priceless gift of never having had to doubt my dad's love...

saturday evening was absolutely lovely. i got together w/ pete & amy for dinner @ the harmony grill prior to bill & OTR's show. we ate w/ their friends troy & carrie. it was great conversation (not to mention great food...that was my 3rd meal there in 25 hours...with the same server...) we talked about environmental issues, capitalism, consumerism, the church's lack of response. we also talked a bunch about music. troy & carrie were at c-stone and saw a lot of the shows i missed. they were really cool. pete & i are excited about some shows coming up. he's really wanting to go to the fireside...he missed that appleseed cast show cuz of sigur ros. there aren't that many shows i wanna see right now...i think we're gonna see planes mistaken for stars, and i know i wanna see the waxwings on the 28th...then owen's playing @ the fireside on 01/04. and interpol's playing @ the metro on the 12th. i just wish caleb could stay for that show...he'll be here that weekend w/ pierre & todd, but he starts school on the 13th...well, we'll see...anyways, i'm digressing...yeah, dinner was awesome. neither pete, amy, troy nor carrie had ever heard bill mallonee before so i was excited that they were at the show.

it was so awesome to see bill again, and meeting his wife brenda was just lovely. she's a total trip! she was standing on a chair behind the merch table and dancing at one point. seeing bill w/ brenda restored some of my hope in the potential for successful relationships. this is an area of my life where i feel like a total failure, and i don't see much hope in the future for me. i would have totally given up hope if i hadn't met bill this year and seen how he absolutely adores his wife still after over 2 decades of marriage. the world needs more guys like bill...i mean, i'm sure it's cuz brenda's a wonderful person which would make it easier for bill to be such an adoring husband...but there really is something about bill that's different from what i've seen in your usual lot of men...

as for bill's show, i was a little disappointed that OTR's road manager only gave him 20 minutes for his set. like what kind of a set is that??!! bill really tried to fit as many songs as possible into that set, and he went over of course, but seriously, no one was complaining. the OTR fans loved him. the friends i was with who had never heard him before thought he was awesome! he closed w/ on to bethlehem, which nearly put me in tears...

i was kinda peeved that bill didn't get a longer set, so i ended up missing a lot of the OTR show as i was cooling down outside the music room. pete, who's not really an OTR fan, kept me company, and we smoked cloves and pete drank cheap beer. that boy loves cheap beer. he loves hamm's in a can! i was so happy pete was at the show w/ me. esp. since i was a little bored towards the end. pete's such a little punk sometimes...i love it. we were standing in the back towards the end of the show when bill got back on stage to do a number w/ OTR, and pete started waving his lighter. OTR did do orphan girl (by gillian welch) at the end which salvaged the show for me in my heart because i love that song so much. in the end though, i know this tour w/ OTR will be good for bill because he's going to win over a lot of their fans. how could he not?? if only they could see him w/ the full band...my one consolation at the end of the evening was that bill would be back in chicago the end of january. for a headliner. hopefully w/ kevin at least on drums!

my friend brandon who lives in bloomington, IN had called me before bill's show and left a message that he'd gone to that same show in cincinnati the night before, and that he had a story to tell about it. so i called him after the show to find out what happened...it was pretty interesting...i won't go into ALL the details, but it involved ticketmaster screwing up, a scalper who mysteriously tried to sell brandon the tickets that he'd bought and never received, 35 in a 30 zone, a young officer w/ both guns blazing, brandon being a smart aleck, backup being called...quite an evening for a couple young lads. reminded me of when i got my speeding ticket after the watchers show in milwaukee...the things we go through to get our music fix...bill is definitely worth it though...

i am a walking talking blogging frickin' gap commercial...

yes, it's true...i have replenished my recently involuntarily depleted winter stock entirely with gap attire. it is sad but true. please don't let me walk into another gap store for the remainder of this winter season...i'm just so damn lazy...i find something i like, it's on sale, i buy it in like 5 different colors. there. done. at least i have warm clothes now. i must confess i mostly bought hoodies...i am such a sucker for those things...which is stupid because you can barely even see the hood beneath my hair...but yeah, my new thing is fleece hoodie w/ down vest. although my mom did give me a down winter coat today. i'll probably wear that when it's really cold, like when i start taking the train to work and have to walk to the bus stop. yeah. "i don't mind the weather. i've got scarves and caps and sweaters. i've got long johns under slacks for blustery days."

serene will be kicking off their west coast tour tonight in seattle...i can't believe i'm not there......it seems like it was all a dream now, being in seattle, seeing serene and the gloria record and hidari mae and deni and robert deeble...i got to see some good shows, yeah...

if i didn't have to work for a living, i'd follow serene on their tour. they're going down the west coast, for crying out loud! i wanna go down the left coast too! it's warmer over there. they'll be in sunny southern cal by next weekend...december in southern cal...that's the place to be if you have to restrict yourself to the continental u.s. of a. it would be fun to see what bands they play with too...there's a band down in san diego i like called pinback. the dude at reckless promised me he'd be ordering some pinback today, so i'll have to check in there this weekend. pinback was the first band i ever saw live in seattle a couple years ago.

well, at least i get to see ian tomorrow and bill on saturday. i really really hope ian wants to see the wilco movie...there's probably no way that he hasn't seen it yet, but i'd really like to see it again...

stuff i've been listening to...a lot of new stuff...
kingsize--the boo radleys
the sebadoh--sebadoh (i love lou barlow...)
in it for the money--supergrass
paris--the cure
disintegration--the cure
wish--the cure
songs for a blue guitar
ocean beach--red house painters
the fawn--the sea and the cake
locket full of moonlight--bill mallonee
"fetal position"--bill mallonee
tremelo ep--my bloody valentine
loveless--my bloddy valentine
ian moore's got the green grass--ian moore
via satellite--ian moore
and all the colors--ian moore
s/t--owen
no good for no one now--owen
reading writing and arithmetic--the sundays
ancient melodies of the future--built to spill
perfect from now on--built to spill
s/t--serene
s/t--hidari mae
souvlaki--slowdive
either/or--elliott smith

so yeah, i cut my hair...six inches...it's like all even and everything...yuck...i hate even edges...poor hair...forced into the geometric shape of a dead EKG...

i can't wait to see ian this friday. i didn't get to see him when i was in seattle, so it's been THREE months since i last saw him. i must really miss him cuz i cried listening to one of his cds on the way to work today. he has such a frickin' beautiful voice... i'm such a wus... oh, ian is ian moore, and he's playing @ schubas this friday @ 7:30. it's just him and his guitar this time. he has one of the most beautiful voices i've ever heard. you hear a lot of bad voices and a lot of ok voices and a lot of pretty voices these days, but a truly beautiful voice is not so common any more. ian has a truly beautiful voice. i'm not biased either. i thought that before we became friends.

been listening to some new songs all evening by a certain SOMEBODY who will go unnamed at this point...all i'll say is that the songs makes me think about caleb...and how he's currently working his tail off for finals...and how much he'll want to listen to these songs...

there is now measurable snow on the ground in chicago. saturday, after i got my hair cut, my cousin kris and my friend connie met me in downtown evanston where i had my hair chopping appointment. i, being always prepared, was wearing my burnt toast vinyl t-shirt and a t-shirt-thin hoodie and my thin (barely) waist-length denim jacket. bottomline--i was freeeeeezing my ass off. now as it turns out, bruce generously donated my winter clothes to the salvation army so i don't have a winter coat any more, and i barely have any sweaters, turtlenecks, etc...so living in chicago, you'd think the first thing i'd do is run out and get a winter coat, it being december now and all. uh uh. not me. i hate winter coats. even though they do tend to keep you warm during chicago's frigid months. but like i said...on this saturday afternoon, i was ffffrrrreeeeeeeeezzzzing my ass off, so i ran into the gap right around the corner from the salon and put on a fleece hoodie and down vest and walked out of the store with them on. i mean, i paid for them first. but i just could not get myself to buy a legitimate winter coat. so i'm gonna see if i can do this down vest thing for the rest of the winter. i think i can pull it off if i never ever go outside until, oh, the middle of may or so.

yeah, so after wrapping myself in overpriced gap fleece, the girls and i went to see the emperor's club @ the huge theatres in evanston. i can't remember the last movie i saw in an actual theatre. i think it was ice age or something. good grief...oh, wait, no, i think it was spiderman...still, that's pretty frickin' pathetic. oh, no...it was the wilco movie w/ caleb in august...but that was a documentary. (i think i'm gonna see it again this weekend...it's playing at the midnite show @ the musicbox this friday and sat. nites. if ian hasn't seen it, i'm gonna see if he's up for it...) i am determined to see more movies. and good ones at that. i joined facets multimedia so i can do that. they've got the festival of new french cinema going on next week, so yeah, cool...

anyways, i liked the emperor's club even though kevin kline played kind of a stuffy old-fashioned boys' prep school prof. i have a thing for movies about boys' prep schools. like dead poets society, ya know.

after the movie, the girls & i went to my cousin kris's where she practiced her new hobby of concocting exotic libations on me and connie. i'm think i'm gonna have a little coctail party with ted, watchers' soon-to-be former drummer, who used to be a bartender. he claims to have a killer japanese mai tai recipe that he'll teach me and my cousin. i've got all that booze to get rid of anyways... crap. i forgot to buy coke @ the grocery today. i have this huge bottle of jack daniels... i should just take my liquor, esp. all that good beer, to michael's roommate. michael may be drier than a 1920s evanstonian temperance activist, but his roomie has good taste in alcohol. at least in beer. he drinks the redhook esb and newcastle.

ok. i'm gonna go crawl under my warm down comforter now...it's frickin' cold...