Shutterbug Mama

I'm playing the Three Questions game for the Brewmistress of Chicago, Leah of Lakeline. She's asked me three questions, which I will attempt to answer here. If you'd like to play, send me an email or leave me a comment, and I will ask YOU three questions. Don't worry. I'll make you look good.

1. Who are the coolest bands you've seen/spent time with?

Wow. And Leah told me she was gonna go easy on me. Okay, for the most part the bands I list will be bands I've only seen live, not actually hung out with. Don't want any of y'alls thinking I was like a Band Aid or anything.

Wilco. I saw them live for the first time at Bumbershoot Festival in September of 2002. It was a short set, but sweet (and in Seattle! Doubly sweet!). It's probably why I fell in love with a drummer (Glenn Kotche kicks ass forever!). Although Ted's not a heavy metal drummer (yet) except in his dreams. I saw them again when the band came out for the encore of Jeff Tweedy's solo show back in January of 2003. The band's gotten so popular that I don't even bother to go to their shows any more, but I did get one last taste in February of 2005, thanks to my beloved boys in the Detholz! who invited me to photograph their show in Urbana when they toured with Wilco.

The Detholz!. I love these boys. Like I said, they let me see WILCO for free. Plus, they will rock you ruthlessly while on stage, but they're totally sweet and cuddly backstage (esp. if you give them something alcoholic and share your cigs). If you live in Chicago and have never checked out a Detholz! show, you are seriously missing out. Plus, they're my favorite band to photograph. My previous camera had a serious crush on Jim Cooper, the frontman. Here are some of my favorite shows I photographed for therm:
@ The Metro, 5/29/2003
@ Cornerstone Festival's New Band Showcase, 7/5/2003
@ Subterranean, 11/21/2003
@ The Hideout, 8/23/2004

Ian Moore. I just posted about him a few days ago, so you know what I'm talking about. I met Ian when he played a show at Schubas back in July of 2002. I approached him after his set because he did a Mojave 3 cover (probably Yer Feet) and I wanted to share my love of Neil Halsted with him. This may not sound all that unusual except for the fact that I don't normally approach musicians or bands at shows. I just don't get into the whole groupie thing. With Ian, though, it turned into a really sweet friendship, so I'm glad I made an exception and bought him that shot of Bushmills. I have also seen Ian with his full band in all his Rock 'n' Roll glory in his almost hometown of Austin, TX. He is a rock star there, and it was kinda strange walking with him around town and having people come up to him and stuff.

Denison Witmer. I've been a fan of DeniWit's since 2001. He's the reason I started this whole blog thing. He may seem so mild mannered and sweet on stage or in recordings, but in "real" life, he's a raucous stand-up comic/storyteller. We used to stay in touch more back before he got uber popular with the college kids. He still has a really special place in my heart, and always will. I still love going to see him play, and just saw him a month ago. He'll be back in April with Rosie Thomas, another one of my faves, and I can't wait!

Death Cab For Cutie. One of my first indie rock shows ever. I cannot tell you how much I love Ben Gibbard's voice. I totally want to go see his solo show at the Metro in May, but Ted's playing a show that night too, and I don't know if I'll be able to make it. There are two shows that night, and the first one is already sold out, so by the time I make up my mind, the 2nd one will probably be sold out too. Yeah, I'm lame like that.

Guided by Voices. Drunken rock 'n' roll at its very best. I swear, I never saw beer and liquor flow so freely on stage before. I think the first thing Robert Pollard (the frontman) did was to lay down an entire case of beer onstage. I debated on going to this show back in May of 2002 because, well, it was like two days after my dad's funeral, but my friend Caleb convinced me to go. Good choice. You definitely get your money's worth with these guys. I was taking photos at the show, and some dude back stage who was either w/ security or the band, came out and told me to stop. But the bass player intervened and told him to leave me alone, so that was cool, and I ended up with these photos.

Anyhoo, I could go on and on about bands, but I'll stop now, or this will never get posted. I do have concert photos of some shows I've seen here: http://www.sarahjanerhee.com/concertphotos.html

2. What three baby things did you find were indispensable?

That would be my arms, my boobs, and my voice. As for versions of these things separate from my body, here they are:

My collection of baby carriers. From the simple ring sling, to my Ellaroo wrap, to Ted's Lexus of Baby Wraps, the Didymos, to our Babyhawk Mei Tai, we've used a variety of ways of giving ourselves "extra arms" while keeping Cadence close to us. They've helped us to put a fussy baby to sleep, given us no excuse for not doing the dishes, enabled us to give Cadence a running commentary of the world she was seeing, let us maneuver through crowds without getting dirty looks from People Who Hate Strollers At Crowded Festivals, kept Cadence in a secure, warm place close to our hearts. Babywearing has been one of the most practical and attachment conducisve things we could have done as parents.

Snack-Traps. "Because Kids Spill Things." These handy dandy contraptions make it easy for toddlers to feed themselves without creating too huge of a mess. It works great with time-tested toddler staples such as cheerios, raisins, peanut butter-filled pretzel nuggets, grapes, bunny crackers (organic version of goldfish), and any other bite sized morsels toddlers love to munch on throughout the day. This was a real lifesaver for long car trips. We really don't go anywhere without them. You can buy your own at Be By Baby (or Babies R Us).

Mix CDs. Specifically, there are two mix CDs that I've made for Cadence that get played on a daily basis. One is a collection of children's songs recorded by Elizabeth Mitchell and Daniel Littleton (the wife-husband team of Ida). This is the CD we play in the car. Occasionally, Cadence will put up with some WLUW or NPR, but usually, she's demanding "Sunshine Song! Sunshine Song!" (by which she's actually referring to This Little Light of Mine NOT You are My Sunshine). The other mix CD is a lullaby mix I made of songs by some of my favorite bands. Cadence asks for her "Sleepy Songs" every night before bed, and often for naptimes too. If you find yourself suffering from insomnia (or your kid does), here's the list of songs I used on the CD. You'll probably never make it past Track 6. Cadence seldom does.

1.I'm In Love With A Girl (Big Star--Radio City)
2.Promising (Wilco--Chelsea Walls Soundtrack)
3.Bird Stealing Bread (Iron & Wine--The Creek Drank The Cradle)
4.Love Songs On The Radio (Mojave 3--Ask Me Tomorrow)
5.Birds And Ships (Natalie Merchant--Mermaid Ave South Vol 1)
6.Songbird (Denison Witmer--Recovered)
7.Healing Time (Denison Witmer--River Bends EP)
8.By The Mark (Gillian Welch--Revival)
9.Dear Someone (Gillian Welch--Time The Revelator)
10.One Little Song (Gillian Welch--Soul Journey)
11.Mansion On The Hill (Bruce Springsteen--Nebraska)
12.Softly And Tenderly (Robert Sean Leonard--Chelsea Walls Soundtrack)
13.Nothing Is Over, Not Yet (Clem Snide--You Were A Diamond)
14.Ghost Of David (Damien Jurado--Ghost Of David)
15.Radiator (Ida--Will You Find Me)
16.Summer On The Westhill (Kings Of Convenience--Quiet Is The New Loud)
17.Yer Feet (Mojave 3--Out Of Tune)
18.High Hopes (Neil Halsted--Sleeping On Roads)
19.Place To Be (Nick Drake--Pink Moon)
20.Things Behind The Sun (Nick Drake--Pink Moon)
21.Brown Eyes (Red House Painters--Retrospective Disc 2)
22.October (Rosie Thomas--When We Were Small)
23.You And Me (Rosie Thomas--Only With Laughter Can You Win)
24.Someone Else's Song (Wilco--Being There Disc 2)

3. What is your favorite thing about nursing a toddler?

First of all, as much as I support extended breastfeeding, before anyone thinks I'm a nursing superhero or anything like that, let me admit that sometimes I DON'T like nursing a toddler at all. Most of the time, however, it's really one of the few relaxing things I can count on during the day (well, actually, it's usually at night). What I really like about the first nursing session when I come home from work is just how close I can be with Cadence. I can smell her hair, feel her body snuggled close to me, stroke her face, and think back to the not-too-distant past when she was actually small enough to cradle in my arms.

Lately, as I watch Cadence run around and do Little Kid things, I can look to the future and envision her as a Big Kid doing Big Kid things. It's scary and exciting and a little sad all at the same time. I want to cherish this stage of life when she still loves being in my arms and allows herself to depend on me in such an intimate, tender way.

Labels: about.me, memememe

I've been tagged by the lovely and every-so-talented Tracey Clark for the awesome Real Moms Meme started by Kristen.

It took me a while to think of something to fill in the "Real Moms _________." Mainly, because so many people have already taken my potential answers. So after a few hours of pondering and a couple of google searches cuz I hates being redundant, here's what I'm going with:

Real Moms Need Each Other.

And by each other, I mean other Real Moms.

There are so many experiences that are universal to motherhood, especially First Time Motherhood. You can read about pregnancy and birth and newborn care and parenting until you're blue in the face (or zonked out from boredom), but until you actually talk to another mom who's Been There Done That and Lived to Tell About It, there's a part of you that won't believe any of it. The phrase shouldn't be It Takes A Village To Raise A Child. It should be It Takes A Village of Real Moms To Keep A Mom From Crossing Over The Brink Of Insanity--So That She Can Raise A Child.

Sadly, we in Western culture don't live in villages anymore. Those of us in big cities don't even have the advantage of the town gossip who at least lets everyone else know what your troubles are. If it weren't for the internet, many of us wouldn't have even ONE other mom to relate to.

But the need to connect is still there. Real Moms Need Each Other. So many of us parent with guilt and insecurities and feel like failures. We need to hear that it's normal to not like your kid occasionally. We need to hear that it's okay if your kid won't eat anything but cheerios today (and tomorrow and the day after that). We need to hear that it's okay to have that cocktail/beer/vodka. We need to hear that we're not failures because we couldn't give birth naturally/breastfeed/cloth diaper/get our babies to sleep through the night/wean/potty train/learn their ABCs. We need to hear that we are not alone, and we need to hear it from other Real Moms.

I'm tagging all y'all mamas, many of you who've been there for me, keeping me real.

Labels: memememe, motherhood, parenting

(For those of you just joining us now, I'm doing a series of blog posts on Lessons Learned from my very unplanned pregnancy, birth, and 1st 2.5 years of parenting Cadence. It's information for those seeking it, but mainly, it's a way for me to give myself a pep talk for the *next* one, if and when we think we may possibly be ready for a *next* one. My fertility has always been somewhat suspect, and I'm not getting any younger, so I may be just getting all worked up for nothing.)

Lesson #3--Take Care Of Yourself. This seems pretty obvious, huh? It's easier said than done, however, in our fast-paced plugged-in world.

Some women's bodies are hardcoded to have easy births. I know a mom who delievered her firstborn almost before her husband was done filling out the hospital paperwork. She thought it was so easy that she was ready to have another baby the very next day. If all women were like her, I'm sure we'd have to be building condos in Antarctica by now due to the overpopulation. Alas, for most women, having a baby can be as physically and mentally challenging as running a marathon. If you don't prepare your body and your mind for the event, you may find yourself regretting it at the finish line.

The first part of taking care of yourself is to eat healthy. When I was pregnant with Cadence, we had the misfortune of living only a block away from Sweet Occasions, our favorite ice cream place in the city. 2 ½ years later, the extra pounds of flesh on various parts of my body still remind me of every scoop of ice cream I indulged in during those months. Don't get me wrong. I don't believe in dieting during a pregnancy. I've heard of women who were so scared of gaining weight that they gave birth to 4lb babies. However, your visits to Sweet Occasions should be just that—sweet and occasional, not the almost daily visit it became for me. It's no wonder Cadence is willing to take two buses when I mention that ice cream will be the destination.

I think some of the guidelines on what pregnant women should eat and not eat get totally wacko and impossible to follow. I wouldn't overdo it unless you LIKE following really restrictive and regimented rules for yourself. I think the main thing I would do differently (besides eating less ice cream) would be to keep in mind that being pregnant is not an excuse for pigging out on whatever fatty greasy food I'm in the mood for. Just this mindset alone would have significantly increased the health factor of my diet during pregnancy and decreased the number of miles I'm gonna have to run now to forget those scoops of Zanzibar Chocolate.

One reason eating a healthy diet is important is that it will help you to also do the second part of taking care of yourself, which is to EXERCISE. What? Exercise? But aren't prego women supposed to take it easy? That's what past generations thought, and some women who have high-risk pregnancies do have to take it easy . But for the vast majority of women, exercise is a good thing during pregnancy. You can't sit on your gradually widening ass for 9 months and then expect to perform the equivalent of running a marathon during labor and delivery. This may be the one instance when your ability to perform under pressure will not be enough. (Like I said, I’m not a healthcare professional, so talk to yours before starting an exercise regiment.)

Unfortunately, if your body is not used to exercising BEFORE you get pregnant, it can be hard to make a habit of it AFTER you're pregnant, when your hormones and body changes are making you narcoleptic on most days. Some doctors won't even let you exercise beyond the brisk walk if you didn't exercise BEFORE you got pregnant. That's why I totally plan on getting as fit as possible before I'll even entertain trying to conceive again (which is why I may never have another child).

Women who exercise consistently during their pregnancy often have an easier time with labor and delivery. The exercise I've heard women swear by time and time again, esp women who chose natural childbirth, is prenatal yoga.

I am one of the 7 women in America who missed out on the yoga/pilates phenomenon. Part of it was my fundamentalist Christian upbringing that predisposed me to be suspicious of anything that smacked of Eastern religions. Which is stupid when you consider I'm Asian. Anyhoo, I thought practicing yoga would be an open invitation to all the false religion demons to inhabit my vulnerable spirit, so I shouldn't take the risk.

I've come to my senses since then, but I still haven't caught up with the yoga craze. I do plan on rectifying that, esp. if I ever want to get pregnant again. One of the things on my To Do Before Considering Pregnancy Again list is mastering a yoga regiment. Maybe mastering is too strong a word…I suppose surviving on a regular basis (e.g. 3x a week)would be a more realistic goal, if I ever want to cross that one off my list.

So what is it about prenantal yoga that is so helpful to women in labor? Due to my lack of personal experience, I'll have to go by what I've heard and read. Here are some articles that you may find helpful:

Prepare for Birth with Prenatal Yoga
Prenatal Yoga: More than Relaxation
Great Pregnancy Exercise: Yoga
Benefits of Yoga Before, During and After Pregnancy

Here is a list some of the benefits of prenatal yoga from one of the articles:

~Increase energy
~Decrease anxiety
~Strengthen birthing muscles
~Quicken postpartum recovery
~Improve sleep
~Reduce backache
~Improve circulation
~Increase chance of a healthy birth

The third part of taking care of yourself is learning how to relax. That may sound simple enough, but if you've never made a habit of taking time to just breathe deeply and let go of all your stress, you may find yourself twiddling your thumbs and blinking a lot while wondering when you're gonna start feeling relaxed.

You may have to try different things to find what actually relaxes you. It might not be the stereotypical bubble bath or walk on the beach. The aforementioned yoga may help. The breathing exercises alone should put you in a calm, meditative state.

If you've never tried needlecraft before, it's never too late to learn. I hear knitting and crocheting can be very therapeutic, and I know first hand (ha! hand. get it?) that simple stitching can also be very relaxing and is something that even someone who's all thumbs can do very easily. You can even make stuff for your expected bundle of joy!

For those of you who can afford it, an occasional prenatal massage session can be totally what the doctor/midwife/homeopath ordered. Of course, having a partner with strong hands who's willing to give you a backrub at the end of a long, stressful day couldn't hurt either.

Whatever it is that helps you to relax, whether it's the stuff I mentioned, or just daydreaming for 15 minutes, reading a book, listening to music, etc., it's a good habit to cultivate. I'm definitely still working on this one.

Actually, I think that this whole "Take Care of Yourself" mantra is the most difficult one for me. It goes back to my fundie cult upbringing in which I was taught that taking care of yourself was plain selfish, when you should be out looking for and feeding Jesus' lost sheep. Nevermind that the cult leader always had a bevy of women around him, cooking for him, running his errands, giving him backrubs and doing GOD KNOWS WHAT ELSE. Anyhoo, so yeah, it's hard for me to give myself permission to take care of ME. That's one of the reasons I'm writing all this out so publicly. I figure if I blog about it and tell other folks they should do it, I'll be more inclined to follow my own advice.

Labels: family, lessons.learned, parenting, pregnancy

Ted and I got a special treat on Friday. We got to go see our friend Ian Moore play a show at our favorite venue, Schubas. Last time he'd played Chicago, we got my mom to babysit, so we didn't bring Cadence, and he was disappointed about that, so this time we decided to bring her to the show. Ted's mom was gracious enough to drive all the way into the city to play with Cadence in the Harmony Grill, Schuba's restaurant, during the show. We got there kind of late, so Cadence and I only had a chance to say hi as Ian was getting ready to go in to play his set.

(photo by Tim Lowly)

We took Cadence in for a few songs before returning her to Grandma in the restaurant. She loves live music, especially with folks who sing and play guitar, but she IS 2 ½ and was in the mood for running around, which would have been impossible in the packed out music room. I'm so glad Ted's mom was there so Ted and I didn't have to take turns going in and out of the show. Our friend Alana offered to take turns w/ us if Grandma didn't come to the show, but thankfully we didn't need to resort to musical chairs babysitting that night.

It's really hard to describe an Ian Moore show with words. It is such a rich experience. Ian and his multi-instrumentalist Kullen play with such intensity one moment, tenderness the next, ferocity another moment, playfulness the next…You really have to experience it for yourself. And you can probably in June. They'll be back playing Schubas again.

Ted was really happy that our friends Tim Lowly, our pastor's husband and for whom Ted drums, and Ryan Hammer, Tim's bass player and lovely person all-round, made it out to the show. He sat with them on the benches along the side of the music room, while I stood in the back behind people taller than me (which would have been 95% of the folks in the room).

2007 will mark 5 years since Ian and I lost our dads. I think it's what sealed our friendship—being in each other's presence while we were still strangers and yet being able to share the painful bloody mess that wounded hearts create. We only see each other about once a year, and it's always for such a short time, but I think we both get a real sense of comfort and peace from those moments.

Labels: ian.moore, live.music

...it's monday and you know what that means...here are a few of my favorite photos from the past week. the one above is from potbelly's in lincoln square. cadence and i are usually home carless on saturdays because ted works. i've decided to take more frequent advantage of the extensive public transportation options in our fair city with cadence, so we took 2 buses to lincoln square on saturday afternoon. we were originally going to get ice cream, but i was starving so we stopped into potbelly's and got some soup and shake instead. cadence didn't know what was in the cup, but once she took a sip, she declared, 'it's good!' i would have to most heartily agree.

...well, summer decided to stop by for a short visit this week, and it was in the mid-to-upper 70s on sunday. ted had planned an extensive list of chores that needed to be done in preparation for painting our living room, but i decided cadence and i REALLY needed to get outside.

...unfortunately, cadence's sandals from last year were too small and were pinching her poor feet, so we had to run out to the mall and buy another pair of sandals before going to the park. i was hoping she would pick out something a bit less, uhm, PINK, but that wasn't about to happen. we left the store with these sandals and a pair of pink and brown sneakers.

it's in the 70s again today, but i have to work. ted, on the other hand, is off to the North Park Village Nature Center with cadence today. they're meeting up w/ our friend amy and her sons rudden (cadence's beau) and 7-month old jack. i'm so totally jealous...

Labels: best.shots.monday

(For those of you just joining us now, I'm doing a series of blog posts on Lessons Learned from my very unplanned pregnancy, birth, and 1st 2.5 years of parenting Cadence. It's information for those seeking it, but mainly, it's a way for me to give myself a pep talk for the *next* one, if and when we think we may possibly be ready for a *next* one. My fertility has always been somewhat suspect, and I'm not getting any younger, so I may be just getting all worked up for nothing.)

OK, here's a short one. It's actually an addendum to Lesson #1, which was Learning About Stuff Ahead of Time Is Probably A Good Idea.

Lesson #2--Know Thyself. I'm not saying you need to get psychoanalyzed or anything like that, but a little bit of introspection and discussion with your partner where you think you might fall on the various spectrums of birth and parenting will help you to filter the multiteragigs of data that you will feel like you are being bombarded with once you've taken the plunge to try to conceive or once you've conceived.

While I think it's still very helpful to get info on a bunch of scenarios and choices, if you have no idea what feels right to you and your birth partner, it can be pretty overwhelming and you may find yourself being swayed like Chicago tree branches in March. I think this is really important, or else you will FREAK OUT about EVERYTHING. Folks who are easily freaked out in general or who have a lot of fears regarding pregnancy and childbirth and the whole shabang may benefit from talking to people who have had POSITIVE experiences and maybe limit their reading if everything they read just scares them even more.

And don't let anyone guilt-trip you or scare you out of decisions that you and your partner have made based on your own research and evaluation of what is right for you. You can be flexible and open to new information if it's helpful and is accurate and makes sense, otherwise, just smile, nod, whatever, and relax.

For those who ARE scared of the pregnancy/birth/parenting thing, I was the same way. Believe me, if I hadn't been stupid about my birth control, I would have NEVER chosen to get pregnant. A lot of it was misinformation. The media really know how to scare folks about this stuff, cuz fear sells better than faith. It's sad that women have been made afraid of their own bodies and what they're capable of.

Labels: family, lessons.learned, parenting, pregnancy

Tomorrow, Cadence turns 2 ½ years old. It's been 3 years and 1 month since we found out we were going to be parents. Unlike some parents, we were totally unprepared for becoming pregnant, let alone becoming parents to an actual live human being. Heck, we weren't even married—that's how prepared we were. In fact, what kicked off my morning sickness (actually, it started at night not morning) was drinking half a bottle of wine and smoking a cig at the Detholz! show on Valentine's Day. I guess you can say we had to learn on the fly. It worked out okay—we're all still alive and kicking.

I don't mean to wallow in regret or revel in self-flagellation over my stupidity, but if I WERE to have another child (Don't get any ideas, now. For the record, IF we have another child, and it is still a pretty big IF, it won't be until cadence is at LEAST 4 years old, which would put the timing at around September of 2008. And it probably won't be until she's at least 5, because Ted's brother is getting married October of 2008, and I'd rather not be full-term or nursing a newborn anywhere near that time.), IF we were to actually get pregnant on purpose, there are a few things I would do differently—during the pregnancy, birth and after the baby's born—than I did the first time around.

I don't think I'll be able to get through all the stuff in one blog post, so I'll make this an occasional series.

These lessons are what I, an individual, have learned. They are not the same lessons that someone else would have learned from their own experience of pregnancy, birth and parenting a newborn and toddler. That being said, for someone who has never been pregnant, or who is newly pregnant with absolutely no info about being pregnant or a parent, I think my lessons may be useful.

Let me say upfront that much of my perspective comes from an attachment/natural parenting mindframe. Not 100%, but probably a good 70.3%. It's what works for our family and for who we are and for who Cadence is. Everyone has to find what works for their families. I would hope that they would do so not just from what's convenient to the parents, but out of sincere concern for the children's physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well-being.

Also, I am not a medical or health professional of any kind. Every woman's body is different, every baby and toddler is different, and it is our wonderful, mysterious and oftentimes mindboggling job to learn about our own bodies and to learn about our own children—their bodies, their personalities, their quirks and charms.

Ok, now that the legal disclaimers are over, here goes.

Lesson # 1—Learning About Stuff Ahead of Time Is Probably a Good Idea

So you get pregnant, you wait 9 months, give or take a few weeks, and then you go to the hospital and have a baby, right? I mean, they've got drugs so it won't hurt, and the doctors and nurses will know what to do. So what's the big deal? Well, that's one way to do it, I suppose. However, since we're going based on the lessons I have learned, that's NOT what I would recommend for myself (or anyone else, for that matter).

I don't think you need to read EVERY SINGLE book on pregnancy or birth or parenting a child from newborn to 6 years old. If you did, you'd need a lot longer than 9 months to do it. Let's face facts. We've been going through a bit of a baby boom lately, and the pregnancy/birth/baby industry is a HUGE economic force to be reckoned with. It only takes one trip to the Babies 'R' Us to know what I'm talking about. If you browse the parenting section of your local megabookstore, you will find at least 2-4 ceiling-to-floor bookcases full of books. Inquiring newly pregnant or sleepdeprived new parental minds want to know, and there are a large gaggle of self-purported experts who will tell you everything and anything about pregnancy, birth, infant care, sleep training, breastfeeding, discipline, potty training/learning, education, etc.

Yes, a LOT of these books are just rubbish. Even some really popular books are not helpful. I don't want to name any names, but a certain line of books considered essential reading for expecting and new parents may not actually inform you accurately on *ahem* what to really expect. Unless you are a hypochondriatic apocalyptic megapessimistic masochist. Then you might like those books.

Instead of stocking up on random books from the Borders or your local library, I recommend talking to women who are currently pregnant or have recently given birth and asking them about their experiences and if they have any books that they recommend. Whether you are excitedly looking forward to your drug-free, intervention-free empowered homebirth of your dreams, or you're scared to death of this whole pregnancy and birth thing and are totally clinging to every word that falls out of your OB's mouth, it's probably a good idea to talk to women on both ends of the spectrum and those in the middle.

If you want to go the natural, drug-free route, more power to ya. That's the route I wanted too, and I eneded up w/ a C-section* without even a chance at experiencing labor. Some women need an epidural to relax and let labor progress so that they don't have to get a C-section. So regardless, you want to be prepared so that you and your partner can make the choices that are right for you. It's kinda hard to do that if haven't done the research BEFORE labor starts. I know some women who blog right until they give birth, but others might not have access to a computer or google at that point.

*Granted, if I had done things differently (like pick a doctor whose response to my birthplan wasn't to laugh in my face), things might have been different. When you're at the mercy of doctors and your insurance company, though, your choices can be limited. Which is why it's good to get this info and research done so you know what kind of birth you want WELL before your insurance company locks you in to a doctor/midwife(many insurance plans will not let you switch medical groups after you begin your 3rd trimester).

Maybe you are 10000% sure that you want an epidural or medicated birth. If so, just make sure that you still do your research so that you are aware of the impact an epidural can have on labor and on breastfeeding after the birth. Not all medicated births are created equal. Being knowledgeable about interventions can greatly enhance the quality of labor, birth and postpartum experience. For example, babies born to mothers who were administered narcotics may be extremely sleepy and not want to nurse as much at first. A lot of new moms are not aware of this, and so they just think the baby won't latch on and they give up on breastfeeding entirely. As long as you know how to rouse a sleepy newborn to keep nursing, there is no reason that getting an epidural has to result in breastfeeding not working out. Also, it turned out I wasn't able to get an epidural for my C-section because my spine was too tight, so you may want to check into that too.

Anyhoo, I'm going off on a tangent here. To summarize, it is my firm belief that it is a woman's choice to give birth naturally or with the aid of a painkiller. However, what I have learned from my experience is that unless you educate yourself on what your choices are, you may miss out on the kind of birth that you want because you didn't have enough information to make informed choices.

I am going to wrap up Lesson #1 with a few suggestions to help you Learn About Stuff Ahead of Time.

1) Take a childbirth class. Not just a one day seminar offered by your hospital. Many insurance plans will cover the expense of a more extensive childbirth class. There are many to choose from. And just because you plan on a medicated birth, don't shy away from the natural childbirth class. Most childbirth classes go over both unmedicated AND medicated births as well as C-sections so that you will be prepared regardless. We took a Bradley method class with Juli Billings-Walter, which met for 3 hours once a week for 9 weeks. It was intense, but it was well worth it. Not only did it prepare me to make informed choices when my pregnancy turned a little risky, it also provided me invaluable information on things such as breastfeeding, babywearing, and learning to respond to my baby's cues. Much of the way we parent now stems from the things we learned in that class. It's also a great way to meet other parents who will be having babies around the same time as you. Juli has about a 75% success rate for her students who want to deliver naturally. Obviously, I was part of the 25% failure rate, but let's not dwell on that...

BirthLink has a lot of info on birthing classes and other resources.

Also, Alejandra Valera wrote an excellent article about Childbirth Classes in her Car Seat column on Gapers Block a few years ago soon after the birth of her son. It gives a summary of some of the options available in the Chicago area. Note that some of the info is date-specific to the year 2004.

2) Check out some websites. There are plenty of places to get information, like babycenter.com, etc., but I would also encourage you to check out lesser-known sites like mothering.com, kellymom.com, askdrsears.com, and drgreene.com. Even if you want to be as mainstream as possible and not waver from the middle of the pack, it never hurts to get other perspectives. You may even find that these other 'alternative' birthing/parenting ideas resonate with who you really are and what you want from your birth and parenting experience than some of the more 'mainstream' ideas. Don't knock it 'til you've at least googled it, that's what I say.

3) Read some books. Browse or read thoroughly as you see fit. Many of these books are available at your local library (many large libraries even let you search their catalog online, so you don't even have to leave your chair to locate some of these books). Most megabookstores also carry them, and you can grab your drink of choice, find a nice comfy armchair, and browse away before actually purchasing the ones that jive with you.

The Thinking Woman's Guide To a Better Birth by Henci Goer—Somewhat intimidating with its small font and whatnot, but is very thorough about medical interventions. Biased towards natural, unmedicated births, but still provides a lot of valuable information that you'll probably never hear from your doctor.

The Pregnancy Book, The Birth Book, The Baby Book from the Sears Library. No, not as in the department store. William and Martha Sears are a husband and wife pediatrician/RN team who've parented 8 kids over a number of years. Some of their kids are also pediatricians and contribute to some of their books. Their website askdrsears.com is also very informative. They have a whole library of parenting books. I haven't read them all, and I hear some are better than others, but I trust them in general. They're also pretty accessible to more mainstream parents.

Father's First Steps—25 Things Every New Dad Should Know by Robert Sears and James Sears. Yup. Sons of the aforementioned Searses. I got this for my cousin so I had a chance to browse through it. I think it's important for dads or birth partners to learn as much as they can prior to the birth so that they can feel a part of the whole experience and so that they'll know how best to help mom and baby after the birth.

Pregnancy, Childbirth and the Newborn: The Complete Guide by Penny Simkin, Janet Whalley and Ann Keppler. I haven't read this one myself, but I hear it's very, very good.

Birthing from Within by Pam England. Again, another book I haven't read, but my friend Ann highly recommends it, and based on what I've read about Pam England and the philosophy behind Birthing From Within, it sounds awesome. There are childbirth classes based on this book as well.

The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by The La Leche League (We'll talk about LLL in a future post). This is handsdown the Breastfeeding Bible. Why read it BEFORE you have a baby? Believe it or not, breastfeeding is a skill that must be learned by both mother and baby, and when you're both exhausted after a long labor/birth, that's no time to be learning the basics. I'll be posting about breastfeeding in a separate post. Y'all know how I feel about that one.

There are so many other books, but I'll stop with those for now. If you have others that you think deserve mention, feel free to comment.

Labels: family, lessons.learned, parenting, pregnancy

...well, it looks like if it weren't for tracey's Best Shot Mondays, i wouldn't ever get around to posting anything any more. anyhoo, this one's one of my faves from the past week.

...winter seems like it can't make up its mind about chicago--'should i stay or should i go now?' seems to be the theme song lately. we had a couple warm days last week, which we took advantage of. then it was back down to the 30s. and maybe today it will get back into the 50s. you really have to check the weather forecast if you don't want to be caught freezing your ass off or sweating like a pig.

...i have to say that i'm really digging the fact that cadence's hair is long enough to put in ponytails pigtails. for the longest time, she resisted having anything done to her hair, even though she looked like she was going for a cousin itt look. now that she'll tolerate her hair being pulled back in a barette and ponytails pigtails, i think she realizes how much more comfortable it is to not have stray strands poking her in the eye all the time.

...now that she's not so bald any more, she's looking more like a kid and less and less like a baby or even a toddler. she amazes me all the time by her capacity to learn new things. she's like this big adorable sponge right now, and i feel like i'm short of breath trying to keep up with her...

Labels: best.shots.monday, cadence, photos

...this is my pick for My Best Shot Monday for Picture This. as you can see, chicago was graced over the weekend with a respite from the bitter winter we've been having.

...luckily, ted took saturday off to extend his birthday celebration, so we got to enjoy the beautiful weather as a family. since we weren't expecting it to be so warm, we had originally planned saturday morning to take cadence to an indoor playroom near goose island, where we were going to go for lunch. fortunately, the playroom was closed for a private birthday party, so we were forced outdoors!

...we were near our old neighborhood on the wicker park/bucktown border, so we headed to walsh park on ashland just north of wabansia. the playlot is fully exposed to the sun, so even though it had rained cats and dogs the night before, everything was pretty dry, and we just had to watch out for the mud in the grassy areas.

...as you can see here, ted and i enjoyed being out in the warm weather as much as cadence did. it's been such a dreary winter here in the midwest that we really needed a break.

...i believe the last time i got to take photos of cadence at a park was during thanksgiving weekend, over 3 months ago. i think it's safe to say that we've all been suffering from major cabin fever around here. i hear we're gonna have a gorgeous couple of days and then it's back to the reality that is a chicago winter...

...oh, well. at least we got a little reminder of how lovely chicago can be when the weather isn't giving us a thrashing. hopefully, spring will choose to show up in MARCH, when it's supposed to, and not in MAY, as is typical in chicago...

Labels: best.shots.monday, photos

...happy 5th birthday to this here blog o' mine. can't believe it's been five years...

...and happy 30th bday to my teddy! woohoo! welcome to the 30s!

from the folks who brought you the blue sharpie installation, we are happy to announce the latest artistic endeavors of our very own cadence joy. this one is called The Instant Espresso Installation.

Labels: art.by.cadence, cadence

...the lovely tracey clarke over at Picture This posts her best/favorite photo of the week every monday, and her readers post links to their best shots of the week as well. grab your cameras and join in on the fun if you'd like.

...i took these photos at julius meinl coffeehouse on saturday after we picked up ted from work. they have really good coffee, but not as good as metropolis if you like a more robust flavor. still, it was a much needed coffeebreak for all of us. well, except for cadence. for her, it was a much needed GUGELHUPF break. their cakes and pastries are pretty much to die for.

Labels: best.shots.monday, coffee, photos

...and by the good old days, i mean the reason i started this blog, which was to post photos from the shows i went to. actually, it was denison witmer who started it all for me. i went to see him play 5 years ago, took photos, and decided to start a blog. and that's who i went to see last sunday night at the beat kitchen.

i don't think i've seen denison in a few years. in fact, i can't remember the last time i saw him. we've gotten so busy in our lives...i've been part of his fanbase since his first full-length album, and it was so much easier to keep in touch back when he didn't have thousands of fans to keep up with. so sunday night, he came up to me before the show, and the 1st thing out of his mouth after our hug hello was something like, 'thanks for your lovely gift of the gibson,' while he gave me a joking nudge.

...now some of you may be wondering what the heck he's talking about. well, he's referring to a beautiful vintage gibson j-45 acoustic guitar that i once owned. he had the chance to play it about 4 1/2 years ago when he stayed with me and my friend megan after a show. apparently, he really liked the guitar, although he never told me so. a few months later, i happened to see on his friendster profile that he'd changed his answer to the question 'who i want to meet' to 'someone who will sell me a vintage j-45 for cheap.' i laughed when i saw that, but i never said anything to him and never offered to sell it to him. that's because somebody already called dibs on the guitar a couple months before.

...about 5 years ago, my friend caleb saw the photo of my guitar on my blog. i'm not sure, but he may have drooled when he saw the photo, and he told me just how valuable the guitar was. he got to meet the guitar in person that july when he came out to chicago to help me in the merch tent at the infamous cornerstone of 2002. i think caleb fell in love with that guitar on the first strum. since that day, whenever caleb would come to town, he would make a special visit to my guitar.

some of my favorite musical moments have involved caleb and his friends playing that j-45 in my little attic apartment on churchill street. it was pretty obvious to me that the only reason i got possession of that guitar was so that i could pass it on to its rightful owner. i gave it to caleb last february when he was in town for a wedding. hopefully, it's getting good use now. a guitar like that--it would've been a shame for me to hold onto it.

...anyhoo, i digress...so the show sunday night was the first i'd been to in a LONG time. considering it was a snowy, cold sunday night, i was surprised by the turnout. by the time denison got up to play, the room was pretty packed. the college kids just love denison, and a little snow couldn't scare them. it's kinda fun looking back to the first show i saw him play, and how much more reserved he was back then with his stories. now, he's so relaxed on stage and has a great rapport w/ his audience. i had forgotten how much i love denison's songs. they were the soundtrack to one of the toughest periods of my life, and i think i will always have a special place carved out in my heart for him and his music.

Labels: denison.witmer, music, stories