Shutterbug Mama

There's a new Flickr group called Self-Portrait Truthiness and it's all about posting photos of ourselves in our bare skin. The idea brought back memories of my dad who was not a fan of make-up and who would always emphasize the importance of cultivating inner beauty, and not focusing on what I looked like on the outside. I have to admit that at the time, all I could think about was that all my friends got to wear make-up and I didn't and how I couldn't wait to be old enough to do what I wanted so I could wear some damn eye-liner and lipstick.

So I grew up to be the type of person who wouldn't go out in public without doing her makeup. I remember going camping with a bunch of my friends in my mid-twenties, and early in the morning, I was sitting at a picnic table looking into a mirror and curling my lashes, and I could sense some of my friends staring at me, and I declared, "Don't judge me." When I went on a week-long canoe trip w/ my friend John, he forbade me from wearing makeup on the trip, the thought of which horrified me at the time, but I think I managed to sneak in my eyelash curler.

Now that I'm a mother, I'm coming to terms with the values regarding outward beauty that I want to pass on to Cadence, which are surprisingly similar to what my dad tried to convey to me, although I won't forbid her from wearing makeup if that's what she chooses. This means that I will have to become comfortable in my own bare skin, so that she sees that you can be beautiful and feel beautiful without the aid of cosmetics or the latest fashions.

Honestly, I think that some of the most beautiful women I've ever seen are those who don't wear any makeup, even if their faces are weathered and wrinkled. If I can acknowledge the beauty and grace in the pure naked faces of other women, surely I can do the same for myself.

Labels: about.me, growing.up.fundie, memory.lane, motherhood, my.dad, parenting, truthiness.tuesday

The lovely Tracey Clark has tagged me for the "7 weird things about me" meme. I have to admit I really had to think about this one because I'm quite boring. I mean, yeah, I'm plenty WEIRD, but it's really BORING weird, not INTERESTING weird. Here's what I've come up with, at any rate. Oh, and I'm including seven weird photos as a bonus.

1. I grew up in a fundamentalist evangelical-wannabe cult called University Bible Fellowship. You can read more about that shenanigan here and here. That's probably the most profoundly and absolutely weirdest thing about me.

2. I have no tolerance for violence in movies or TV. It's not a MORAL thing. It's more like I-hit-the-floor-and-cover-my-head-lest-the bullets/demons/knives-fly-off-the- screen-right-at-me kind of thing. When we were kids, one of our favorite shows was Barnaby Jones. I used to run out of the room regularly during that show to avoid even the possibility of witnessing someone getting punched in the nose.

3. Growing up, my family subscribed religiously to Time Magazine. I read just about every issue almost cover to cover, BUT, and here's the weird part, I always started with the last page. To this day, if I happen to come across a copy of Time, I turn to the last page first. I think it must be my total lack of tolerance for any type of suspense.

4. I can't eat yellow bananas. They have to be at least slightly green, or I can't stand the taste. For this reason, numerous bananas are left to turn black in our home. Which is okay because then Ted makes banana bread which I really like.

5. I've been with the same company for 12 years. Apparently, this is considered weird by some of my peers. Fortunately, I really like the folks I work with, I LOVE my boss, and I'm treated really well there.

6. I can't read non-fiction without falling asleep unless it's about parenting, a memoir, biography or historical in nature. This posed a problem to my educational success, as most of the required reading (except for history and Englist Lit) would fall into the category of non-fiction that I just couldn't get through. I have no idea how I got through college, let alone grad school.

7. I have this thing about taking photos of people's shoes, especially when I'm at a rock show. It's not a fetish or anything, just one of my quirks.

Now it's time to tag some folks, so I tag the following and whoever else wants to join in:

Leigh (Mere Mortal)
Christina (Momology)
Maya (Laurent Files)
Amy Geekgrl (Crunch Domestic Goddess)
Paige (Look Away)

This happens to be a "Links Around the World" meme, so if you participate, add your blog link to the end of the list on your own post (I copied and pasted the code from the View Source to get all the links).

Link Addiction ~ Ardour of the Heart ~ When Life Becomes a Book ~ The Malaysian Life ~ Yogatta.com ~ What goes under the sun ~ Roshidan’s Cyber Station ~ Sasha says ~ Arts of Physics ~ And the legend lives ~ My View, My Life ~ A Simple Life ~ Juliana RW ~ Mom Knows Everything ~ Beth & Cory’s Mom ~ A Mind Forever Voyaging~ enjoying the ride ~ Jennifer’s thoughts ~ Mom of 3 Girls ~ Amanda ~ Don’t Make Me Get The Flying Monkeys ~ ExPat Mom ~ Just Jessie ~ Wilson Six ~Krisitn ~ Nuttier Than You ~ Shonnte ~ Summer’s Nook ~ Laura Williams Musings ~ Sher ~ Shanda ~ Seven QTPies ~ Mel ~ Skittles ~ Lady Banana ~ Momhood Moments ~ Business Mars ~ A Simple life ~ moms….. check nyo ~ Mommy’s Little Corner ~ Pampered ~ HappyHeart ~ Make Every Day Your Lucky Day ~ Thumbelina Creations ~ Ivonnardona's Creations ~ Jewellery Craft ~ A Bead a Day~ Useless Ramblings ~Candid Yammering ~ Green Eyed Mama ~ Mother May I ~ Shutterbug Mama

Labels: about.me, memememe, photos

I recently saw this on my beloved inspiration Jen Lemen's Flickr stream, and it hit me like a timely prophetic word. Dismantle Fear. DISMANTLE. FEAR. Yes, THAT is what I need to do. Take apart my fears one by one, render them powerless in my life. And maybe in doing so gain some hiddens morsels of insight as to who I am and where these fears have grown from and how to transplant courage and hope and trust and joy into those places where fear once had its roots.

Obviously, this will be no overnight task. You see, I am a woman of many fears. Spending your most formative years in a fundamentalist cult, being hurt in ways no child should ever be hurt, failing at relationships that you thought would last forever, watching your dad waste away before your very eyes. These are things that tend to plant seeds of fear in a person, seeds that eventually grow into stubborn weeds.

Well, I've started my personal process of Dismantling Fear, and I've decided to begin with the Fear of Not Being Worthy Of the Company I Keep. The lovely and talented Tracey of Mother May I presented me with the perfect opportunity to do this by inviting me to contribute to a new online community blog of women photographers called Shutter Sisters. When I looked at the list of amazing women who had already joined forces with Tracey, my first reaction was, "There's no way I'm good enough to be one of them. I'm just a cheesy mommyblogger!" I began my email to decline Tracey's offer. But then I realized that I have avoided being a part of anything that would potentially push my limits a bit and maybe, just maybe, make me GROW a little. I've always been so afraid of not being good enough. And yet, I knew from reading the blogs of these women that while they are intimidatingly talented, they are also kind and supportive and encouraging. So I said Yes to Tracey! And now I'm a Shutter Sister!

I am giddy with the prospects of collaborating with these women and other Shutter Sisters from all over the world, cyber and real. Please check us out! Better yet, join us!

Labels: about.me, bloggers, friends.who.rock, photography, random.thoughts, shutter.sisters

This little photo is for Modrá J. He'll understand. No one else has to.

"Now--here is my secret: I tell it to you with an openness of heart that I doubt I shall ever achieve again, so I pray that you are in a quiet room as you hear these words. My secret is that I need God--that I am sick and can no longer make it alone. I need God to help me give, because I no longer seem to be capable of giving; to help me be kind, as I no longer seem capable of kindness; to help me love, as I seem beyond being able to love.

I walk deeper and deeper into the rushing water. My testicles pull up into myself. the water enters my belly button and it freezes my chest, my arms, my neck. It reaches my nouth, my nose, my ears and the roar is so loud--this roar, this clapping of hands.

These hands--the hands that heal; the hands that hold; the hands we desire because they are better than desire.

I submerge myself in the pool completely. I grab my knees and I forget gravity and I float within the pool and yet, even here, I hear the roar of water, the roar of clapping hands.

These hands--the hands that care, the hands that mold; the hands that touch the lips, the lips that speak the words--the words that tell us we are whole."--From Life After God by Douglas Coupland, 1994.

(I've had this post as a draft from Sept. 30th. I thought now would be a good time to post it. I added the quote today because I had just reread it a couple days ago, and I love that passage so very much. It's part of my unraveling, just a little bit. Know that you are loved, Modrá.)

Labels: about.me, coming.undone, i.heart.my.friends

Kim over at Diapers, Budgets and Paint has tagged me for the Eight Random Things About Me-Meme. I'm not sure I can claim that these things I will post are random from a statistical standpoint, but I'll try to keep it not too deliberately random.

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Rules:
Once tagged, you must link to the person who tagged you. Then post the rules before your list, and list 8 random things about yourself. At the end of the post, you must tag and link to 8 other people, visit their sites, and leave a comment letting them know they've been tagged.

1. Our family immigrated from Seoul 3 days before my 6th birthday. Before we moved, I got to be part of a big birthday party for all the May birthdays at the kindergarten that my grandpa was the director of. The teacher asked each of us what we wanted to be when we grew up. I don't think I had ever thought about this before, and said the first thing that came to my mind, "A nurse." Because at that time, I thought the only professions available to women were teaching and becoming a nurse. How sad...

2. I grew up in a fundamentalist quasi-evangelical cult named University Bible Fellowship. It sucked. ASS. Bigtime.

3. When I was in the 8th grade, I had a crush on a perpetually stoned heavy metal drummer in my class named Mario Kuehn. For about a month, I covered my red Trapper Keeper with names of heavy metal bands written in Liquid Paper. Back in 1986, 103.1 FM was a little suburban station that played hispanic programming by day and heavy metal by night, and I would listen in on my headphones secretly in my bedroom while doing my homework. If my parents knew I was listening to the devil's music, they would've totally taken me somewhere to get the demons out of me. To this day, I get a little nostalgic when I hear Motley Crue. Or Wilco's song Heavy Metal Drummer.

4. When I was in school, I had a talent for multiple-choice questions. Every year, we'd have these standardized tests that lasted a couple days. The entire student body would spend hours filling in endless little bubbles with their #2 pencils. I remember looking over questions I had absolutely no answer for, and concentrating really hard, trying to plug in to the collective knowledge of the universe, and I would feel for the right answer. I did so well on these tests that I really believed that I actually had access to all the right answers in the Universe. Ha ha. Boy, did I have a lot to learn. At least I learned a thing or two about intuition.

5. I attended Chicago Public Schools from 1st grade through graduating from high school, EXCEPT for my freshman year of high school when my dad moved us out to WHEATON, ILLINOIS, the Evangelical capital of the midwest. Oh. My. Lord. Wheaton Central High School was full of girls who sported the same haircut (curled bangs and triangular poofy bob), carried Gucci purses (the real thing, not like the knockoffs from Korea my relatives sent me) and wore Guess jeans. Plus, I was one of maybe 7 Asians in the entire school. I escaped to the city every weekend, and was relieved when my dad sold the house to move back to Chicago after a serious lawnmower accident almost severed his 3 main fingers on his right hand.

6. I was married once before. I was a little spring chicken, one semester away from graduating college, only 22 years old, when I married my first husband. I went straight from the dorms to married life. I had a serious identity crisis in my latter 20's, and by 30 I was divorced. I'm still friends with my ex and with his new wife, and I'm glad about that.

7. I like my bananas a little green. Ripe bananas make me want to gag for some reason. All the more reason for Ted to make his famous banana bread!

8. I believe in Narnia. Shut up. I really do.

Okay. This is where I tag people. I'm sure most people have already done this meme, but I'll tag Mamazilla and Miss Mia and my sis Orange Loren.

Labels: about.me, blogging.schmlogging, memememe

And no, it's not because Cadence smothered herself in butt cream the other day, although the fact that I didn't notice she was being unusually quiet under the table (which usually means poop or trouble) should be an indication of my current state of exhaustion.

I thought that once the wedding was over, I'd be able to catch my breath, but I was busy editing photos all week after the wedding and fretting over what processor to use for printing the photos (which if anyone has any suggestions, I'm totally open to 'em), and then we've had tons of family related stuff since last Monday, with cousins in town, birthdays, Belgian Beer tastings, etc.

I guess I just have to accept the fact that I'm not a superhuman and that my body and mind and emotions can only take so much fun and drama before I begin to fall apart and start doing things like almost missing my stop on the train or nodding off at my desk mid-email (both of which I've done today).

Our friend (and my cousin Jeannie's boyfriend) Erik has been staying with us since last Monday, and my cousin Jeannie has been staying with us since she flew in on Wednesday. There have been many hours of talking and laughing and beer drinking since, and I guess there's only so much fun you can have before you start losing your ability to function.

I feel really bad for Cadence. No, feeling bad is an understatement. Plagued by guilt is probably more accurate. I was so busy with all the wedding preparations, and then editing photos, and now hanging out w/ guests and family. I think I've totally screwed up her night-time schedule as she hasn't been going to bed before 11:30pm for almost a month now, and it's totally not her fault. What toddler could resist all that stimulation when there's so much going on?

And still, she is such an awesome kid. Yes, she's demanding and opinionated and spirited, but what I've learned is that if I give her focused attention, without rolling my eyes or giving her attitude, and I do what I can to meet her needs in that moment, she is perfectly agreeable and in fact a very sweet kid. Children are so forgiving of their parents' shortcomings.

I've got several hundred photos from the past weekend that I need to get through. I'm going to take my time, though. I mean, who really cares about my Garfield Park Conservatory photos anyways? Or snapshots of family? Those photos will still be around in another week or two. Of course if I take another few hundred photos this week, then I'll REALLY be digging myself into a hole. I guess I should just hide my camera for a few weeks then...And I should probably stay away from the Hideout's annual block party...

Labels: about.me, cadence, family, parenting, prayer.for.the.paranoid, this.busy.life

#1—I recently celebrated a semi-milestone birthday, which has forced me to contemplate my aging process. I have to say, if there's one thing my mom has done well, it's to age gracefully. At the age of 65, she still has only a few stray gray hairs here and there, and her face lacks but a few wrinkles. In the past year, I have come to grips with the fact that my hair is in fact starting to gray. This wouldn't be so bad if my hair were a lighter color, but when you've got black hair, it's really hard to miss. Just this morning, when I looked in the mirror, I was horrified to find that a few strands had gone white totally overnight. Like, how is that even possible?

Different people have different ways of dealing with their deviant strands. Me? I pluck those suckers right out of my scalp as fast as I can. Luckily, I haven't found too many so far. And yet, I know I'll have to make a decision as to what I'm gonna do about the gray once these ghost strands become too numerous for me to keep up with. The thing is, I don't want to dye my hair. My dad stopped dying his later in life, and he had a lovely head of silvery moonbeam hair. I actually wouldn't mind having that. I just hope it's not at the age of 35. Anyhoo, I don't know what to do in the interim. If I dyed my hair, I'd want to dye it a totally different color, like cobalt blue or magenta. Something tells me that wouldn't go over so well at my place of gainful employment...

#2—It seems to me that a lot of newish parents these days fret over the size of their babies and toddlers, especially if they're on the smallish side. It doesn't help that the growth charts published in every parenting book and exhibited by pediatricians across the country don't take into account factors such as whether the children were formula-fed or breastfed or the genetic makeup inherited from the parents. Cadence has been falling off the charts weight-wise for some time now, and if it weren't for those pesky charts, I probably wouldn't stress out so much over her eating habits. The fact is, she's happy, playful, strong and active. If you look at her, the word "malnourished" would never enter your mind. Still, I wish she'd eat actual meals more than a couple times a week.

Speaking of small, I finally got to meet my friends Zarah and Felix's newborn son Asher yesterday. He is tiny at just over 5lbs (after losing some of his birthweight like all newborns) but is just about the most beautiful baby I've ever seen. Granted, I only saw him while he was slumbering, but I'm sure he's just as beautiful awake. I absolutely love the way newborns look and smell and feel in your arms. Even my cousin's Baby Eden, who's now a whopping 4 months old, feels so small and light compared to Cadence, who herself is still light enough to carry with one arm.

*Sigh*. Here's a photo of Cadence from the archives, when she was really little. Can you tell I have just an eensy-teensie bit of baby fever? I'll get over it soon enough, though, before it's too late. Although this would be the perfect time for me to get pregnant…My work usually slows down for mid-spring/early summer, which would be just around 40 weeks from now. Hmmm…

Alright, moving right along...

#3—I know that my affinity for used/vintage clothing is obvious in the way I dress Cadence. Well, what's even better than used/vintage is used/vintage hand-me-downs from people I love. That's exactly what Cadence is wearing in this photo. The shirt and shorts were her Auntie Lauren's way back in the 80's. Ted's mom made the shorts, and she spruced up the shirt with the lace/ribbon trim.

I wish my mom had kept some of my clothes from girlhood. There was this one Snoopy shirt which I can guarantee never existed in the U.S. And then there was that white dress with the floral apron that I absolutely adored. I guess we could only take so much on the plane when we moved here from Korea, but still...It apparently never occurred to my mom to save any of my stuff, even my hanboks. She expressed surprise that Ted's mom had kept Lauren's clothese all these years. This is coming from someone who saved every one of my report cards from grammar school. Oh well.

Labels: about.me, auntie.lore, baby.fever, cadence, family, parenting, photos, three.thoughts.thursdays

That's right. Today's the Big Day. I am now 35 years old--a veritable state of venerability, you might say(thanks, Elaine).

I get a 3 day weekend for my birthday, and we started celebrating Friday after dinner with a little trip to Lincoln Square, our old haunt. Believe it or not, I have never been to a Cold Stone Creamery. I've always been happy with Sweet Occasions, our favorite ice cream place in the city, but we decided to try something new, so we headed to the Cold Stone Creamery that opened up this past year in Lincoln Square. It was interesting to watch the girl behind the counter fold my chosen ingredients into my ice cream. I had the German Chocolate Cake (since I was in a German neighborhood and it was almost my birthday and all), which was chocolate ice cream with pecans, coconut, caramel and brownie pieces mixed in. It was really good, no doubt, but I have to say that the ice cream itself was not as good as Sweet Occasions'. And I'm sure there were around 1400 calories in the concoction, but let's not dwell on that, shall we?

To avoid having Cadence bounce off our walls at home after her sudden ingestion of all that sugar, we walked over to Giddings Plaza, one of our favorite places to let Cadence run around and meet all the other kids who are also working off their various sugar highs. She soon made friends with a boy who must have been around 5 years old. She led him on a high-speed chase round and round the plaza. He finally got tired (cuz she could totally outrun him), and he gave up the chase.

Another reason I wanted to go to Lincoln Square was so that Ted could get me my birthday present, a couple CDs from Laurie's Planet of Sound. The CD in particular that I wanted was Wilco's new one, Sky Blue Sky, which just came out this month. I had already heard a few songs off the album, so I knew I would love it. The other CD I ended up having Ted get me was The Sea and Cake's latest full-length called Everybody. I had downloaded this album off emusic.com, and I love it. I can't wait to see them at Pitchfork!

Well, we don't have too much planned for the weekend. Ted's at work right now. I've promised Cadence a bus ride today, so we'll be taking off soon. Tonight, I think I'm having dinner w/ my cousin Kris and our mutual friend Connie. I need to find a BYOB place for dinner cuz Ted picked up some Tripel Karmeliet for me to share with the girls tonight. I wish I could go see Babyteeth tonight at the Hideout. I know Ted would totally let me go while he stays home w/ Cadence, but I haven't gotten a lot of sleep the past couple nights, and I'm totally feeling it.

Man, I MUST be old.

I guess at this age, I have to save all my rock 'n' roll energy for the one big show next week--The iG0 Audio Emissions CD release show that the Detholz! are headlining. My friend Derek Becker, the manager for the 'Holz was sweet enough to put me on the guestlist and get me a media pass so I could try out my new camera at the Metro, which has the best lights in the city for a small venue. The photoshoot is part of my plan to convince the folks at Pitchfork to allow me to bring in my camera, which is considered "professional" because it has detachable lenses and will not be allowed at the Pitchfork Music Festival in July. We'll see how that goes.

Anyhoo, have a happy Sarah's birthday, y'alls!

Labels: about.me, around.town, birthday, music, photos

I'm playing the Three Questions game for the Brewmistress of Chicago, Leah of Lakeline. She's asked me three questions, which I will attempt to answer here. If you'd like to play, send me an email or leave me a comment, and I will ask YOU three questions. Don't worry. I'll make you look good.

1. Who are the coolest bands you've seen/spent time with?

Wow. And Leah told me she was gonna go easy on me. Okay, for the most part the bands I list will be bands I've only seen live, not actually hung out with. Don't want any of y'alls thinking I was like a Band Aid or anything.

Wilco. I saw them live for the first time at Bumbershoot Festival in September of 2002. It was a short set, but sweet (and in Seattle! Doubly sweet!). It's probably why I fell in love with a drummer (Glenn Kotche kicks ass forever!). Although Ted's not a heavy metal drummer (yet) except in his dreams. I saw them again when the band came out for the encore of Jeff Tweedy's solo show back in January of 2003. The band's gotten so popular that I don't even bother to go to their shows any more, but I did get one last taste in February of 2005, thanks to my beloved boys in the Detholz! who invited me to photograph their show in Urbana when they toured with Wilco.

The Detholz!. I love these boys. Like I said, they let me see WILCO for free. Plus, they will rock you ruthlessly while on stage, but they're totally sweet and cuddly backstage (esp. if you give them something alcoholic and share your cigs). If you live in Chicago and have never checked out a Detholz! show, you are seriously missing out. Plus, they're my favorite band to photograph. My previous camera had a serious crush on Jim Cooper, the frontman. Here are some of my favorite shows I photographed for therm:
@ The Metro, 5/29/2003
@ Cornerstone Festival's New Band Showcase, 7/5/2003
@ Subterranean, 11/21/2003
@ The Hideout, 8/23/2004

Ian Moore. I just posted about him a few days ago, so you know what I'm talking about. I met Ian when he played a show at Schubas back in July of 2002. I approached him after his set because he did a Mojave 3 cover (probably Yer Feet) and I wanted to share my love of Neil Halsted with him. This may not sound all that unusual except for the fact that I don't normally approach musicians or bands at shows. I just don't get into the whole groupie thing. With Ian, though, it turned into a really sweet friendship, so I'm glad I made an exception and bought him that shot of Bushmills. I have also seen Ian with his full band in all his Rock 'n' Roll glory in his almost hometown of Austin, TX. He is a rock star there, and it was kinda strange walking with him around town and having people come up to him and stuff.

Denison Witmer. I've been a fan of DeniWit's since 2001. He's the reason I started this whole blog thing. He may seem so mild mannered and sweet on stage or in recordings, but in "real" life, he's a raucous stand-up comic/storyteller. We used to stay in touch more back before he got uber popular with the college kids. He still has a really special place in my heart, and always will. I still love going to see him play, and just saw him a month ago. He'll be back in April with Rosie Thomas, another one of my faves, and I can't wait!

Death Cab For Cutie. One of my first indie rock shows ever. I cannot tell you how much I love Ben Gibbard's voice. I totally want to go see his solo show at the Metro in May, but Ted's playing a show that night too, and I don't know if I'll be able to make it. There are two shows that night, and the first one is already sold out, so by the time I make up my mind, the 2nd one will probably be sold out too. Yeah, I'm lame like that.

Guided by Voices. Drunken rock 'n' roll at its very best. I swear, I never saw beer and liquor flow so freely on stage before. I think the first thing Robert Pollard (the frontman) did was to lay down an entire case of beer onstage. I debated on going to this show back in May of 2002 because, well, it was like two days after my dad's funeral, but my friend Caleb convinced me to go. Good choice. You definitely get your money's worth with these guys. I was taking photos at the show, and some dude back stage who was either w/ security or the band, came out and told me to stop. But the bass player intervened and told him to leave me alone, so that was cool, and I ended up with these photos.

Anyhoo, I could go on and on about bands, but I'll stop now, or this will never get posted. I do have concert photos of some shows I've seen here: http://www.sarahjanerhee.com/concertphotos.html

2. What three baby things did you find were indispensable?

That would be my arms, my boobs, and my voice. As for versions of these things separate from my body, here they are:

My collection of baby carriers. From the simple ring sling, to my Ellaroo wrap, to Ted's Lexus of Baby Wraps, the Didymos, to our Babyhawk Mei Tai, we've used a variety of ways of giving ourselves "extra arms" while keeping Cadence close to us. They've helped us to put a fussy baby to sleep, given us no excuse for not doing the dishes, enabled us to give Cadence a running commentary of the world she was seeing, let us maneuver through crowds without getting dirty looks from People Who Hate Strollers At Crowded Festivals, kept Cadence in a secure, warm place close to our hearts. Babywearing has been one of the most practical and attachment conducisve things we could have done as parents.

Snack-Traps. "Because Kids Spill Things." These handy dandy contraptions make it easy for toddlers to feed themselves without creating too huge of a mess. It works great with time-tested toddler staples such as cheerios, raisins, peanut butter-filled pretzel nuggets, grapes, bunny crackers (organic version of goldfish), and any other bite sized morsels toddlers love to munch on throughout the day. This was a real lifesaver for long car trips. We really don't go anywhere without them. You can buy your own at Be By Baby (or Babies R Us).

Mix CDs. Specifically, there are two mix CDs that I've made for Cadence that get played on a daily basis. One is a collection of children's songs recorded by Elizabeth Mitchell and Daniel Littleton (the wife-husband team of Ida). This is the CD we play in the car. Occasionally, Cadence will put up with some WLUW or NPR, but usually, she's demanding "Sunshine Song! Sunshine Song!" (by which she's actually referring to This Little Light of Mine NOT You are My Sunshine). The other mix CD is a lullaby mix I made of songs by some of my favorite bands. Cadence asks for her "Sleepy Songs" every night before bed, and often for naptimes too. If you find yourself suffering from insomnia (or your kid does), here's the list of songs I used on the CD. You'll probably never make it past Track 6. Cadence seldom does.

1.I'm In Love With A Girl (Big Star--Radio City)
2.Promising (Wilco--Chelsea Walls Soundtrack)
3.Bird Stealing Bread (Iron & Wine--The Creek Drank The Cradle)
4.Love Songs On The Radio (Mojave 3--Ask Me Tomorrow)
5.Birds And Ships (Natalie Merchant--Mermaid Ave South Vol 1)
6.Songbird (Denison Witmer--Recovered)
7.Healing Time (Denison Witmer--River Bends EP)
8.By The Mark (Gillian Welch--Revival)
9.Dear Someone (Gillian Welch--Time The Revelator)
10.One Little Song (Gillian Welch--Soul Journey)
11.Mansion On The Hill (Bruce Springsteen--Nebraska)
12.Softly And Tenderly (Robert Sean Leonard--Chelsea Walls Soundtrack)
13.Nothing Is Over, Not Yet (Clem Snide--You Were A Diamond)
14.Ghost Of David (Damien Jurado--Ghost Of David)
15.Radiator (Ida--Will You Find Me)
16.Summer On The Westhill (Kings Of Convenience--Quiet Is The New Loud)
17.Yer Feet (Mojave 3--Out Of Tune)
18.High Hopes (Neil Halsted--Sleeping On Roads)
19.Place To Be (Nick Drake--Pink Moon)
20.Things Behind The Sun (Nick Drake--Pink Moon)
21.Brown Eyes (Red House Painters--Retrospective Disc 2)
22.October (Rosie Thomas--When We Were Small)
23.You And Me (Rosie Thomas--Only With Laughter Can You Win)
24.Someone Else's Song (Wilco--Being There Disc 2)

3. What is your favorite thing about nursing a toddler?

First of all, as much as I support extended breastfeeding, before anyone thinks I'm a nursing superhero or anything like that, let me admit that sometimes I DON'T like nursing a toddler at all. Most of the time, however, it's really one of the few relaxing things I can count on during the day (well, actually, it's usually at night). What I really like about the first nursing session when I come home from work is just how close I can be with Cadence. I can smell her hair, feel her body snuggled close to me, stroke her face, and think back to the not-too-distant past when she was actually small enough to cradle in my arms.

Lately, as I watch Cadence run around and do Little Kid things, I can look to the future and envision her as a Big Kid doing Big Kid things. It's scary and exciting and a little sad all at the same time. I want to cherish this stage of life when she still loves being in my arms and allows herself to depend on me in such an intimate, tender way.

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