Shutterbug Mama

Cross Post: This Is What A Mommy Looks Like

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 18:16:00 +0000

(This was originally posted today on my Other Blog, but I thought it should go on my mommyblog too since it's, well, about being a mommy. Sorry if you're seeing this twice in your Google Reader or Bloglines!)

I'm not really sure why we have such a fancy-pants mirror hanging in our foyer. Plus, Ted's got it hung so high, I have to stand on my tippy toes to get any use out of it. Hmmm. Looks like it could use some cleaning...

Well, speaking of mirrors, I've been doing a bit of self-reflecting on my parenting habits lately. As I've mentioned recently, being a mommy has been hard these days. We've been waiting over two years for the Terrible Two's to end for Cadence, and we find ourselves in a corner, having to reevaluate how we relate to her. I don't think we've TOTALLY f*cked up, but I do feel justified in mourning the missed opportunities to do the things that would have establisthed trust and love and connection, rather than exhibiting our need to control as parents. And it's not like I don't know better since I've read so many books in the unconditional, peaceful parenting vein, but then again I DON'T know, at least not in the deep, non-book acquired non-cerebral sense of the word.

When we decided a LONG time ago that we didn't want to raise Cadence to believe that she had to behave a certain way for us to love her, I didn't realize how hard it would be to let go of my own experiences of the way I was parented--not only by my parents, but by society at large. I didn't realize how much I would care what others thought about Cadence and our parenting skills, so much so that I would try (usually unsuccessfully) to exert a semblance of control over my child in public because that's what we as parents are expected to do in our culture: control the fruit of thy womb lest thou suffer the universal disdain and judgment of all polite society.

It's amazing how much damage you are subconsciously willing to do to your child to avoid being labeled as a bad parent. I've cared so much about what other people think that I've neglected who Cadence is and what HER needs are. She is indeed a Wild Thing, but she does NOT respond well to methods such as being sent to her room without any supper (a reference to the the book; not something I've actually ever done). There are children who modify their behavior as a result of punitive measures (at least in the short run), and then there are children like Cadence. I know deep in my heart that punishments will do her absolutely no "good," not even in the short run. People may think that's because I don't punish her long or hard enough. While I entertain the possibility that through brute force I can eventually break her spirit so that I can make a meek, obedient child out of her, please tell me why the f*ck would I want to do that?

So the truth I see in all this is that Cadence is NOT an out-of-control, "spoiled rotten" and manipulative child. She may APPEAR that way to folks who have certain preconceived notions on how a "good" child behaves, but that is not who she is, and I know that. The truth is that I am afraid to let her be her aunthentic self because of my own fears about what others think of us and because of my own ideas of how I want my child to behave. And there's that f*cking word again. BEHAVE. Why the hell are we all so obsessed w/ OUTWARD BEHAVIOR???!!!

(I realize I'm rambling here, so I feel the need to insert a photo to justify the length of this post. It's almost 4 in the morning, I haven't had real sleep since Friday night, etc. etc. etc. blah blah blah and why the heck am I apologizing on my own blog?)

Here's the thing. I don't want Cadence to be a puppet. I don't even WANT her to fit the definition of "good" that most people hold when it comes to children--obedient, quiet when told to be quiet, never prone to emotional outbursts, sits quietly at their desks and raises their hands to be called on in school, stands when told to stand, sits when told to sit. I don't want Cadence to ever fit THAT mold of "goodness," especially if it's out of fear that I won't love her unless she complies or out of fear of being punished. I DO want her to feel safe with us, her parents, to be who she is, even when that means exhibitions of strong, explosive feelings from time to time. I DO want her to feel that her opinions matter, even if they defy laws of [adult] logic. I DO want her to expect to be treated with dignity and respect regardless of her age and size.

The REAL truth about Cadence is that she is so much more honest and authentic than I am. She does not hide her emotions, be they frolicksome or furious or forlorn. Nor does she hide her true opinions and wishes. She is creative, a connoisseur of fun, full of boundless energy and can out-dance just about anyone at a wedding reception. She is also caring and affectionate and devoted to her friends. She sees the best in people and is full of optimism.

And the REAL truth about myself is that I'm proud of her and wouldn't want to change any of that.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

For those of you who worry that this means I'm going to let Cadence do whatever she wants whenever she wants wherever she wants, please rest assured that this will not be the case. However, I do plan on changing the way I react to Cadence when she doesn't get what she wants (which usually results in high pitched shrieks that would make a dog cringe). If I have the presence of mind to apply what I know and believe by validating her feelings without judgement and by responding with gentleness and love, she usually responds much more positively than when I exhibit disapproval or try to change her. Old habits are hard to break, and unfortunately, I've been programmed from my own upbringing to try to control outward behavior (in myself and in my child) rather than to embrace authenticity.

And in case you're wondering, I'm currently reading Naomi Aldort's Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves.

Oh, Hey There!

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 18:11:00 +0000

Wait, has it really been FOUR FLIPPIN' MONTHS since I've posted here?! Holy Crimeny. I'm sure y'all have given up on me by now. So if a blogger blogs and no one's there reading it, does it really exist? Who knows...

Anyhoo. I have been posting EVERY FRACKIN' DAY over on the other blog. I can't guarantee how often I'll come back here to visit. I just couldn't handle a daily photoblog AND a mommyblog. I guess I needed a break. Posting a photo without having anything meaningful to say about it was a lot less stressful than talking about my life, I suppose, although I seem to have slipped more into that on the new blog as well.

Sorry if I've been out of touch. Part of is the other blog. Part of it is trying to spend less time blogging and more time w/ the family.

Hope y'all are having a splendid 2009!

I May As Well Give Up

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 17:51:00 +0000

I'm kinda sucking at this blogging thing lately, aren't I? I think my post this past Sunday on Shutter Sisters may explain a little bit of it. And I do still have my daily photoblog. Still, I feel like I've really dropped the ball around here, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to recover.

Nevertheless, time keeps marching on. And this is a photo of the last hug between Cadence and Rudden as pre-preschoolers. Rudden started his first full week of school this week, and Cadence will start going to a homebased preschool on September 30th.

My baby ain't a baby any more. In two weeks, she'll be 4. No longer a prime number. It's bittersweet, this growing up thing.

At least she still eats donuts on a Sunday morning walking around in her underwear.

And she still loves to play peek-a-boo, although usually in the more grown-up form of hide-and-seek.

We leave for beloved Seattle on Saturday morning. Things will be busy before, during and after. I'll try not to totally give up on this blog, but I can't make any promises...

Best Shot(s) Monday--Cadence, Cadence and More Cadence

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 05:00:00 +0000

This is Cadence lounging around on the dining room floor Saturday morning. She's waiting for our friend, her Uncle Erik, to wake up. He got in the night before super late, so she was asleep when he got there, and he was sleeping in Saturday morning in Cadence's playroom. As soon as she woke up, she wanted to go wake him up, but I made her wait. We went and picked up our vegetables, dropped them off at home, had breakfast at our local coffeehouse, browsed a little thrift store (where she picked up that Pooh bear on the floor for a quarter), and finally came back home close to 11am, at which point she planted herself on the floor outside Erik's door.

She occasionally got up to do a little dance or just run around, but for the most part she stuck to the floor and would ask every 10 seconds, "Is he awake yet? What's he doing?"

She finally couldn't contain her curiosity any longer and started spying on Erik through the crack underneath the door. Then she started saying, "I think he's awake now! I see his feet moving!"

Cadence ADORES her Uncle Erik, and Ted and I are also very happy to have him with us. For Ted, it's like a big sleep-over with his best friend, except instead of ghost stories and flashlights and candy and soda, it's lots of beer and a late-night showing of The Dark Knight.

So while the boys were at the movies Saturday night, after I put Cadence to sleep, I happened to check the mailbox and found that some fabric I'd ordered from Etsy had come in. I was so excited that I made a dress that very night.

The fabric is a cotton-linen blend from a Japanese designer, so this was my first time making something for Cadence that wasn't made out of a t-shirt. It's actually a lot easier to sew by hand than t-shirt material because it is stiffer than jersey. I loved how the 1/2 yard length was perfect for folding in half and making this dress. I also loved how I could use the edge of the fabric as the hem so that I didn't have to sew an actual hem myself. I think it's kinda cool to have the fabric name and that frayed edge as the hem.

FYI, I don't know how to use a pattern, so that dress was simply made by laying another dress on top of the fabric (which was folded in half) and tracing around the other dress directly onto the fabric. I made the shoulders where the fabric was folded in half, and then I just sewed the sides of the dress (before cutting the fabric)in an A-line shape, cut the armholes and neck, and voila! Dress! When Cadence woke up the next morning, I had her try it on, and adjusted the shoulders a bit by scrunching them a little at the top. I may still do something about the neck and armholes, maybe put an edge on it w/ a blanket stitch or something to keep the fabric from unraveling, or I may just leave it as is. I like things that are rough around the edges anyhow.

You can see more folk's Best Shots on Tracey' Mother May I.

Alright. Where Did I Leave Off?

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 03:00:00 +0000

Ah, yes. My cousin Inho was in town, and the cousins got together at his parents' place. His mom cooked a gourmet feast, and we stuffed ourselves silly. Inho comes to town about once a year, so it's a big deal. Cadence obviously had fun.

And here she is playing Uncle Inho's cello--upright bass style. I used to play the cello when I was in high school. It's something I'd like to do again someday. It's one of my favorite instruments, right there behind the melodica, banjo and accordian.

This is probably one of my favorite Cadence outfits. It's what Ted dressed her in on Friday. Those pants are around 6 inches too long (and probably 6 inches too wide too), and that's why she looks like a stackabones. Oh, and she actually ASKED me to take a picture of her picking her nose. She is obviously not embarrassed by it, although we're TRYING to get her to be a bit more private about it.

Friday night, Cadence and I went to a get-together at our friends Ryan and Jan's. Jan just got back from Portland, OR, where she was a Band Manager and counselor for Rock 'n' Roll Camp For Girls. We got to see a couple zines the girls had made, as well as photographic and video footage that Jan had taken. All I can say is, I'm definitely sending Cadence when she's old enough.

Saturday was our friend Mikey's big Graduation Garden Party. He recently finished Rolfing School in Boulder, CO, and is now back in the Chicago area.

Also gracing us with his presence at Mikey's party was Jozka in his mighty spiffy suit, all the way from Ann Arbor, MI. He brought the suit at my bequest so that I could have the pleasure of shooting photos like this one.

And this one...

Plus I finally got to meet Leonard up close and in person. No, Leonard is not Jozka's twin. It's his mustache. What? You don't have a name for your mustache?

The prize for furthest travel to be at the party probably goes to Phil, who hitched a Craiglist ride at the last minute from Portland, OR. Yeah, he made that face right when I clicked the shutter. Impeccable timing, as always.

We had some kickass dueling gyile duets by Mikey and his friend Gina, accompanied by various people on the bell.

Even Cadence got to get a little gyil action in. She likes playing her little xylophone at home, so maybe she'll get into the bigger wooden pentatonic one when she's older.

So yeah, good times, good times. I was partied out by Sunday and skipped out on yet another party that evening at our friends Nathan & Bryn & Fischer's. Ted and Cadence went, though and stayed out past her bedtime. Of course, since I wasn't there, I have no photos to show for it. Well, at least I did some laundry, the dishes and vacuumed Cadence's room in anticipation of Uncle Erik's arrival Tuesday night.

I'm Choosing Grace

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 12:13:00 +0000

I realize that it's been a while since I've updated this blog. I feel kind of guilty because I've been posting something EVERYDAY on my Other Blog. I guess I find the One-Photo-One-Paragraph-A-Day thing a tad more manageable. Well, like the title of this post suggests, I'm rejecting the guilt and I'm choosing grace for myself on my laziness around here, and I'm not even going to try to catch up. Thank you all for understanding.

And it seems that my laziness has spread from the world of blogging to taking photos of Cadence. Have I already mentioned this? I don't even remember. But yeah, it's true. I looked through my flickr stream and these are the the only photos of her I can find from August. I better get on the ball with that, or August is going to look pretty bleak when I make my annual calendar for the grandmas.

Well, I do have a few other shots of her, but they're set to private because they're part of photoshoots I did that I've chosen to keep private for the sake of the other kids in the photos. This one happens to be from last week's VBS at our church.

I know I said I wasn't going to try to catch up, but I did want to mention that we visited Scotch Hill Farm last Sunday to help weed the vegetable patches and to hang out with Tony and Dela, the farmers, and their CSA subscribers. Spending a few hours down in the dirt amongst the prickly squash plants pulling weeds with your own bare hands (although I recommend gloves) gives you a new perspective on something that seems as ordinary as putting food on your table.

And then I happened to pick up Wendell Berry's novel Hannah Coulter for my commute last week, and I felt that familiar lump in my throat and aching in my heart for a slower, more connected way of life.

And then while researching cooperative nursery schools, I stumbled upon this website that sparked the hope that our family might actually be able to participate in a housing cooperative someday.

Daydreams, I know...But I'm thinking of writing all of mine down in one place so I can refer to it regularly and keep hope alive...

Perpetually Behind

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 00:03:00 +0000

I've been in class all week and haven't had the time or energy to post here, so I apologize. And as always, there's so much that's been going on.

For starters, Rudden turned 4! Do you know what that means, folks? That means that Cadence is running around with FOUR YEAR OLDS and that she TOO will be FOUR YEARS OLD in less than TWO MONTHS!!! Yikes...

The party was a blast. My friend Amy went all out with some of Rudden's favorite things, including a Robot Parade, a Buzz Lightyear cake, a group singalong of Yellow Submarine (complete with trumpet solo by Rudden's Uncle Don), bubbles, sprinklers and a kiddie pool.

There's a lot more stuff, but I am seriously too exhausted to get into that. I'm learning to stop and take a breather from blogging when I get this way. I just get so monotonous and I can't stand the sound of my own typing.

FYI, I do post a photo every day on my other blog.

Love Thursday--Sometimes Hearts Are Blue

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 05:39:00 +0000

I haven't participated in Love Thursday in a while, but I found this photo in a bunch from a few weeks ago that I never posted to flickr. It's ABC (Already Been Chewed) Blue Bubble Gum flattened into the shape of a heart. Kind of an unusual find, but I thought it was appropriate to find a blue heart, because sometimes that's how we feel.

Check out Love Thursday on Shutter Sisters, and don't miss the wonderful conversation Karen of Chookooloonks had with her 4 year old daughter Alex.

Best Shot(s) Monday--Trying New Things

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 05:06:00 +0000

One of the challenges as a photographer (and for any artist for that matter) is trying new things so that you don't get bored. And lately, I must admit that I HAVE been bored. So this week, like I posted over on Shutter Sisters yesterday, I decided to break a few of my own rules. Like in the photo you see above. For one thing, it's not in vibrant color. It's also got a bit of grain to it, which is something I normally try to avoid in my photos. And it's just a tad blurry. I don't have a problem w/ blur, but usually when I go for blur, I make it clear that I was going for blur so you wouldn't think it was just cuz I couldn't keep my camera still. I basically cranked up the ISO to 800 (which is high for me), shot in a moving car at night, and didn't worry about it. And you know what? There's something about that photo that I really love.

And here's another one taken about the same time through the back window of the car. Normally, I wouldn't have put the back windshield wiper in the frame, nor would I have taken a photo through such a dirty window, but I think those elements add a genuine dynamic to the photo that I really like.

In this photo, I totally chopped off the dude's head, and that wouldn't have been a normal choice for me for a shot that was framed w/ so much empty space. But it totally works for me and makes the image that much more interesting to not know what the musician's face looks like.

It was another busy weekend, and I'll leave the recap to another post, but it was really exciting for me to take photos in new ways, pushing past my comfort zone, and ending up with images that I just absolutely love, regardless of whether other people will "get it" too.

Don't forget to go see more folk's Best Shot's on Tracey's Mother May I.

Breaking the Rules on Shutter Sisters

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 00:49:00 +0000

I've got a new post up on Shutter Sisters called Break the Rules. Go check it out if you have a chance. Hopefully, I'll get my act together for tomorrow's Best Shots post.

P.S. That shot is of Cadence at Nichols Park in Hyde Park on the South Side. We were in the neighborhood Friday night for a benefit show.

Stuff I've Failed to Mention in the Past Couple Weeks

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 03:50:00 +0000

#1--I had a new post up on Shutter Sisters the beginning of the month. You can see all my past posts on Shutter Sisters by clicking here. I post every 1st and 3rd Sundays of the month, so I'll have another one up this Sunday.

#2--I got to see the band Frisbie at the Taste on the 4th of July while Cadence and I were on our mini-vacation. This was a big accomplishment for me as it was actually on my list of things to do that day. I almost missed them because they played 45 minutes earlier than I thought they were scheduled to. Luckily, I was foraging for food near the stage around the time they started playing, and I recognized their music right away and hurried over there. Cadence fell asleep after the first song, so I shot the entire set of photos sitting down at a table with Cadence in my left arm, and shooting w/ my zoom lens with my right.

#3--I took some really fun photos while on our mini-vacation. There was so much to see. I'll spare you the clicking to Flickr with a Pictobrowser (sorry if you can't see this in your feed):

#4--I made Cadence a new dress. It flippin' ROCKS. This was a t-shirt Ted used to wear back when we first started dating. It doesn't fit any more. Now it's a dress.

#5--Last last Saturday (the 5th), I had the honor of photographing The Maplewood Summer Olympics. Cadence was in the medal round for the Short Jump at one point. It's really harder than it sounds, even when you're half the size of everyone else. Lots of craziness ensued that night, including a bit of a SNAFU involving Cadence and vodka watermelon, but it's all good. Again, I'll resort to good old Picto to paint the picture:

#6--Cadence and I went to the Shedd Aquarium last Monday with my our friends Amy (the mom), Rudden and Jack. We had fun, but Cadence did run out the door with a stuffed penguin at one point (because I wouldn't buy it for her) and there were at least a couple major meltdowns. We survived, though. Fortunately, Amy is one of those friends who I know won't judge us in the present or hold this against us in the future.

#7--The day after Ted came home, we had a BBQ at our friend Yvonne's whose condo building has this ginormous patio overlooking their private beach. We really like Yvonne's neighbors and friends, so it was a good time. I had fun taking photos of the kids, and the lake and sky were just gorgeous.

#8--So the exhibit and Wicker Park Grace's Rent Party fundraiser were on Saturday. I got lucky that Tim V., who is active at WPG, was there on Saturday during the day when I came in to hang my photos. Tim is an artist and has a lot of gallery experience, so he basically put all my photos up for me.

I was surprised by how many people showed up, including folks who never let on that they would be there, like my friend Denise and her son Zachary. My brother brought a whole contingent from his church. All in all, the evening was a success. Lots of folks showed up to raise money for WPG, and I sold 4 frames prints from the exhibit and 2 more in the silent auction and received orders for a few more. Considering I had 15 pieces total, I'd say that was a pretty good night. Thanks to everyone who came out or who sent me notes of congrats or helped pick photos for the exhibit. I don't think my photography could have come this far without all the support I've gotten from you all.

And that will be my last Pictobrowser for this post. Those are the photos from Saturday night. Alright. I think that's quite enough for one post.

Oh, wait. One more thing. I've started a daily photoblog on my new website. This will be mainly about the photo and not so much about life in general, and most of the photos will be non-Cadence related. Some of the photos will be from the archives--stuff I never had a chance to post here but really liked and want to talk about. If you're interested in hearing me talk just about my photos, you can check it out.

New Online Digs And Other Exciting News

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 17:38:00 +0000

Apparently, putting together a photo exhibit in a matter of DAYS wasn't enough of a challenge for me, so I decided to create a new website as well. Here it is, folks: www.sarah-ji.com. This will be my photography site, and not so much a blog. There will be a blog that will focus on more of my artsy photos, but I probably won't be doing too much talking over there. Oh, and the reason I HAD to design a new website? Because I decided to print up interim business cards to have available on Saturday at the opening/fundraiser. Ted just approved the proofs at Kinko's, so I should have them by tomorrow.

So do you all remember this photo I took a couple weeks ago, the day before Ted left on tour? I happened to enter it into a photo contest on photographer MeRa Koh's blog, and I got chosen as one of the finalists! You can vote on the best photo on MeRa's blog here. And for the record, I'm not soliciting votes for myself. I was more excited about the nice things MeRa had to say about the photo as well as her kind mention of Shutter Sisters. I will totally respect you if you don't vote for me, and in fact I will be happy that you feel secure enough in our relationship to vote for what you REALLY think is the best photo.

Anyhoo, I found out that this photo was also printed in last week's print edition of the Chicago Reader. They told me they were going to print it, but I didn't know it would be so soon, so I didn't pick up a copy. If anyone has an extra one lying around, let me know! It was the daily photo on their web version on Friday June 27th.

Also, this photo was featured on Gapers Block's Rearview last Thursday, and it was the Daily Photo on Chicago Public Radio's website on July 1st. So it's made the rounds of the Chicago media sources I like to frequent, which is cool.

There been so much going on, and I always feel bad when I fall so behind on updating around here, but that's the way it goes for now. Hope you all have a lovely weekend!

My First Photo Exhibit!

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 12:05:00 +0000

I've been so busy that I forgot to tell you all that I've got my first photo exhibit opening this Saturday. It's not a formal gallery show, but it's in the space for Wicker Park Grace which is a cool lofty building in the Wicker Park/Bucktown area. They're doing a fundraiser Rent Party with live music, food and drinks for $15 this Saturday in their space at the Acme Building at 1741 N. Western at 8pm. My photos are going to liven up the space for the event and stay up for another month or so. Two of them will be sold in the silent auction, and the rest (another dozen maybe) will be up for sale with 50% of sales going to benefit Wicker Park Grace.

You can read more about it here.

Also, if you'd like to give input on which photos should be included in the exhibit or auction, please go to my Flickr account and leave your comments. If you don't have a Flickr account, you can always email me at shutterbugmama[dot]com[at]gmail[dot]com. I've narrowed down the selection to a couple dozen (thanks to those of you who've already commented, by the way).

Like I said, it's been really busy around here, but the most important part is that Ted's back home. Yay!

And here he is looking more like a trucker than ever. And proud of it, too.

I'm Surviving But My Hair's Turning Grey

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 14:42:00 +0000

We're on Day 8 here without Ted, and I'm hanging in there, but I don't quite feel on top of the world I have to admit.

We've been getting postcards regularly from Daddy while he's on the road, and we've talked just about every day. Quite honestly, I don't think Cadence realizes how many days have passed, and it seems like she still thinks Daddy is at work and this is just one really really long work day.

We're currently on an impromptu mini-vacation to downtown Chicago. I found a room at a 4-star hotel (The Palmer House Hilton) for $76 on Hotwire, so we came down here yesterday afternoon for the 4th of July festivities. We don't have much of a view, and the room is tiny.

But the bed sure is great for jumping on. AND it's king size, so we had PLENTY of room. So much so that Cadence actually did a circle lying in different parts of the bed throughout the night. I found her lying horizontally at the foot of the bed at one point. I'm glad I woke up before she fell off.

Although I have mixed feelings about this holiday (I am not a proponent of blind patriotism, and much of what mainstream America stands for makes my stomach ache), I'm not going to argue about a day off, especially when it's on the most perfect summer day imaginable--sunny and in the mid-70s. Like a Seattle summer day.

Anyhoo, gotta run. Have to pack and check out in an hour. More photos later.

Best Shot(s) Monday--Just The Two of Us

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 17:46:00 +0000

Here we are at Day 4 of 10 Days Without Daddy. So far so good, I'd say. We went to the Children's Museum on Saturday, where Cadence had a blast as usual.

The nice thing about this age is that she's still young enough that she doesn't get bored of doing things over and over again. She loves this blue car and kept going back to it over and over again throughout our several hours there.

Cadence loves seeing herself on a TV screen, that's for sure. Yeah, she's the kid who loiters at entrances to grocery stores making funny faces at the security camera.

Cadence developed a fever Saturday evening. I was worried she was getting sick, so we stayed home Sunday morning and just chilled. Her fever seems to come and go, and she's got a bit of a cough which manifests mainly when she's sleeping. I'm hoping it's nothing serious and goes away without any other symptoms popping up.

We tried to go to the zoo on Sunday...wait, let me back up. We tried to go to the Pride Parade on Sunday, but I realized that leaving the house 10 minutes before the Parade was supposed to start would most probably mean we'd miss the whole thing. That's when I asked Cadence if she'd like to go to the zoo instead, and of course she said yes. Unfortunately, I wasn't the only one who thought the zoo would be a good idea on a lovely Sunday afternoon. The traffic was SOOOOOOOO horrendous, and parking was virtually impossible, so I gave up and decided to get a cupcake at Bleeding Heart Bakery instead.

Oh well. At least I got my cupcake. Next time, we'll take the bus...

For more Best Shots, visit Melody of Slurping Life.

It's Just 10 Days

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 04:36:00 +0000

In around 6 hours, Ted will be heading east on tour w/ The Tim Lowly Ensemble. He'll be gone for 10 days, the longest he's been gone since Cadence was born, and the longest we've been separated as a couple since his Germany trip when we first started dating.

We spent our last evening together before the extended separation eating brats in Lincoln Square, getting milkshakes at Potbelly and taking some goofy photos.

As most of you know, Ted is a stay-at-home dad, so Cadence spends most of her awake time with him. Not only that, Ted does 99% of the cooking and 80% of the cleaning and 75% of the laundry. Plus he works two days a week at Trader Joe's and brews a LOT of beer. I won't miss the beer brewing so much, but the cooking? I'm not sure how Cadence and I are going to eat...

I don't think Cadence realizes what's going on. We've been telling her that Daddy's going on a trip, a LOOOOONG trip, but she has no concept of that because neither one of us has been away from her for more than one night since she's been old enough to remember. To her, a long trip is going out to Grandma and Grandpa's house an hour away. We'll see how this goes...

In case anyone reading this wants to see Ted's show, here is a list of towns they are playing. If you are near any of them, go to Tim Lowly's Myspace page for more details. If you DO go to a show, make sure you say hi to Ted, and if you're lucky, he may share a homebrew with you.

Jun 27 2008 8:00P Allegheny UUC (Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania)
Jun 28 2008 6:00P Art Center (Warren, PA)
Jun 29 2008 2:00P Kirkland Art Center (Clinton, New York)
Jun 29 2008 7:00P The Miller Family Home (West Monroe, New York)
Jun 30 2008 8:00P The Advent (Boston, Massachusetts)
Jul 1 2008 8:00P Pianos Upstairs Lounge (New York, New York)
Jul 2 2008 8:00P St. Andrews Summer Series (Block Island, RI)
Jul 3 2008 8:00P St. Stephen and the Incarnation (Washington, DC)
Jul 5 2008 8:00P The Good Cherry (Forest, Virginia)
Jul 6 2008 1:15P Bedford CC (Bedford, Virginia)

HS Friends, Hapa Kids Convention and Buy/Byes

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 17:11:00 +0000

I'm going to give it another go at posting from the weekend, so bear with me. First of all, this weekend was Josh-o-rama, an event that occurs once, twice, sometime three times a year when my friend Josh descends upon Chicago and makes his rounds. This year, since a number of us Mather High alums were reunited via Facebook, more folks were able to participate in Josh-o-rama, including my very first friend at Mather, Kae.

I should probably mention that although it seems that my shutterbugging tendencies sometimes annoy Josh, it was actually because of him that I made the fateful jump from film to digital over 6 years ago. I got my very first Nikon Coolpix 995 to document his 30th surprise birthday party, and I was hooked by the instant gratification. My blog made its debut a mere two weeks later. Anyhoo, we had so much fun getting together w/ the old high school crowd we're gonna do it again in a month.

Saturday afternoon, Cadence and I met up at a Korean restaurant with some of my fellow blogger friends. I'm so glad I got permission to post this photo (their blogs are anonymous) because these kids were SO DARN CUTE. It really was like a Hapa Kids Convention. They all had a great time playing together. They're all kinda like bloggy cousins, if you know what I mean. I hope we can do it again soon!

On Sunday, we went to a Buy/Bye party at the apartment of our church friends Hilary and Katie (pictured above). Katie is going to start an artist-in-residency on a farm sometime in July, and so they put up much of their belongings for sale (hence the buy part of the buy/bye party) before they both move out of their apartment.

I love how they had decorated their home. It was like living in an art gallery. Both Hilary and Katie are really creative, so it's no big surprise. They had some cool stuff for sale as a result, like this old Polaroid Land Camera.

I also loved these beautiful rag strips rolled into balls. I'm going to have to maybe make my own and just display them because they are so darn lovely.

There was a bit of a thunderstorm during the party, and then the sun came out in its gloaming glory, revealing a huge rainbow in the eastern sky. I know it doesn't come out all that clearly in the photo, but trust me--it was beautiful.

Cadence had a blast at the party, at least after Rudden and his family showed up. It's a nice break for me when Cadence has someone her own size to play with, and I can actually talk to other grown-ups or shoot photos, depending on my mood. They actually played house at one point. With a baby and everything. I just don't know how kids learn these things...To his credit, though, Rudden did the cooking (which would more closely model our family in which Cadence thinks that daddys and grandmas are the only ones who cook).

So that's the weekend roundup. In less than two days, I will be flying solo around here while Ted goes on tour, and I don't know how much I'll be online. I'm thinking about maybe getting away overnight somewhere w/ just Cadence and me. We'll see...Aw, who am I kidding. Aint' no way I'll find anything w/ the 4th of July holiday coming up. Oh, well...

Best Shot(s) Monday--The Manic Edition*

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 17:13:00 +0000

Ok, so I know I always break the BEST shot rule by posting a gazillion shots, so I'll just say right out this is my favorite from the week, even though that would be fibbing because I really can't make up my mind. I need to stop taking so many photos...

And with that, I give up finishing this post because I am truly, truly lazy like that.

Oh, wait. I changed my mind.

Ain't that an awesome photo of my friend Amy (Rudden's mom)? I just had to post that. The red couch, which is Hilary & Katie's (whose apt. the party was at) but soon to be somebody else's, was a killer prop for photos. I bet if you put a rotten potato on it and shot a photo, it would make Couch (Rotten) Potato look totally Pottery Barn. Oh wait, I'm not in ANY way comparing Amy to a rotten fermenting lump of starch. That was just a badly juxtaposed set of sentences and images. Sorry. Well, Amy knows I think the world of her, so I'll just leave it. I have no idea how to rearrange that paragraph.

Here's another Red Couch photo. This one's got the current owner on it. Just look at that texture. Yeah, it's kinda worn out, but that gives it CHARACTER, and y'all know what a sucker I am for stuff that's got CHARACTER.

Ok. That's it for now. I will have a catch-up-on-the-crazy-weekend post soon. Just not now.

*It's called The Manic Edition because--oh, gosh, never mind. It's just another Manic Monday and let's leave it at that.

See more folks' Best Shots on Tracey's Mother May I.

Dancing By Myself

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 17:29:00 +0000

I've already mentioned that I never went to my senior prom, but since I grew up in a fundie home, I was never really allowed to do any type of social dancing as a kid, period. When we were in that cult (from my ages 4-17), there were elaborately choreographed dances that were performed (because the cult leader liked that cultured stuff like ballet and classical music), but none of us kids ever got to go to a regular school dance, unless it was maybe for proselytizing purposes.

Nevertheless, there was always a dancer in me, and when I finally broke out of my fundie surroundings, I embraced my inner dance with exuberance and abandon. Granted, I couldn't do a foxtrot or a simple waltz or anything related to swing dancing to save my life. In fact, any type of dance that required a partner was not within my realm of possibilities. I remember being on the dance floor w/ my girlfriend when we were probably not even 21, and she asked me in an exasperated tone, "Can't you just dance NORMAL?!" I remember thinking to myself, "Like, WHY would I wanna dance NORMAL??!!"

So why am I bringing all this up? Well, I'm reading a book right now called The Dance of the Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd (author of The Secret Life of Bees, one of my favorite books of the past couple years), and there's stuff a-stirring in me.

While I've considered myself a feminist for some time, I've never fully examined or even admitted my wounds derived from being born female in a male-dominated society, and especially growing up female in a male-dominated church tradition. It's easy for me to gloss over and just forget about, now that I go to a church pastored by a woman, where most of the leaders are also women, or now that I'm in a non-traditional household where I, the wife, am the main breadwinner, while my husband takes care of our child and keeps house.

And yet, there is a defiance taking shape inside of me. I'm two-thirds of the way through the book, and there is a rumbling in my soul, the sound of an avalanche in the distance gaining speed and momentum. I don't know when the rumble will be a roar deafening my ears, and to be honest, I'm hesitant and afraid.

I think this one's gonna take a while to unfold.

I haven't danced in a long time. At least not my wild dance, the dance that comes from within, from the deepest part of myself, that dance that is mine and mine alone. Maybe that dance will emerge again. I hope so...Because I don't EVER want to "dance NORMAL."

Best Shot(s) Monday--The Father's Day Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 17:28:00 +0000

Since yesterday was Father's Day, here is a photo of Cadence and her Daddy. This was taken at a Trader Joe's crew party where Ted had 4 kegs of his homebrew available for tasting.

He also had a keg of root beer available, which he brewed w/ Cadence's help just a week or so ago.

And this is the photo I used for yesterday's Shutter Sister's post in which I said some very nice things about Ted.

Boy. He never takes that hat off, does he?

Speaking of my Stay-At-Home-Daddy of a hubby, Ted and his gang of merry musicians (a.k.a. The Tim Lowly Ensemble) will be heading off on a 10-day tour of the Eastern States starting June 27th. So they rehearsed last night, on Father's Day, because they really need to I guess, and I'm ashamed to say that we didn't actually do anything special for Father's Day except go to church. I didn't even make him breakfast. In fact, he made ME a delicious breakfast that involved english muffins, cream cheese and wild salmon. And then I had the beginning of a migraine after church, so we all took a family nap until 3:30, and then I sent Ted out to eat a late lunch w/ his brother Dave at their favorite Indian restaurant Bhabi's Kitchen, which I'm not too fond of as Indian restaurants go. I guess that was a Father's Day break for Ted, being able to have grown-up brotherly conversation AND his favorite food. He sure deserves it.

So I had Cadence all to myself last night, and we took a nice long walk to a park and played until the sun went down.

You can see more folk's Best Shots on Tracey' Mother May I.

Showroom No. 6 Performance This Friday!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 17:09:00 +0000

Some of you may remember an interesting photoshoot I did in April of my friend Jessica Hannah's graduate thesis performance/installation for Columbia College. Well, Jessica and her fellow robotic housewives will be performing once again this Friday, June 13th (an auspicious date, eh?) to open Ladylike: A Proper Take on Feminist Art group exhibit at Koscielak Gallery in Wicker Park.

I'm especially excited as Jessica has informed me that the curator will make prints of my photos available for purchase if anyone is interested. I don't know who would want to buy photos of robotic companions, but it's just exciting to think that someone POSSIBLY might. Plus, the gallery is using a couple of my photos to promote the show, one on their website and one on the invite for the opening reception:

Two of the artists also exhibiting are Korean-American women, so I want to check that out too. If you have the chance to see this on Friday night, I highly recommend it. The performance piece of Jessica's installation will only be for this Friday night. There's some video and other visual stuff that will be part of the exhibit through July 3oth.

So here's the info:

LADYLIKE: A proper take on feminist art
Krista Babbitt (Chicago), Andrea Dezso (New York), Jessica Hannah (Chicago), Sally Ko (Chicago), Ke-Sook Lee (Kansas City),Emma McCagg (New York), Lorraine Peltz (Chicago), Abigail Pope (New York), Susan Sensemann (Chicago),Stacia Yeapanis (Chicago).

The exhibition LADYLIKE is curated by Joanne Hinkel.
Opening reception
Friday, June 13, 2008
6 - 9 pm
Koscielak Gallery
1646 N. Bosworth Ave
Exhibition runs through July 31st.

Weekend In Review II

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 17:03:00 +0000

Ok, I'm feeling a bit more up to posting photos from the weekend after taking a half-day vacation yesterday. Just a few of my favorites. You can see ALL my favorites in the pictobrowser in yesterday's post. As you can see from this shot above, we were kinda high up above the beach. So the wedding ended up being on the lawn overlooking the beach, and not actually on the beach, because somebody probably would've hurt themselves trying to walk down to the beach (most likely me).

I took this one of the groom Dave and two of his siblings through the screen door. I like the soft glow the screen door filter created, kind of like the time I took a photo of Cadence through a pair of pink tights.

I thought this was a cute one of my friend Alana the bride peeking out while waiting to walk down the "aisle." I loved all the songs that were played as part of the prelude, including Big Star's "I'm In Love With a Girl", which kind of threw me for a loop as this is the first song on Cadence's Sleepy Songs CD which we play for every nap and at bedtime. I almost started looking for Cadence so I could put her to bed. They also played Wedding Day, which our friend Ian Moore often sings (it's an Alejandro Escovedo song) and which I also played as part of the prelude for my wedding. The wedding party walked down to "New Day," one of my favorite Ian Moore songs (Ian is how Alana and I know each other).

And this is the maid of honor, Alana's oldest daughter Autumn. This is probably my favorite people shot from the evening. She just looks so elegant and beautiful.

I thought it was funny that there was no champagne at the wedding, but there WAS Miller High Life, the Champagne of Beers. Heehee. I love how casual and laid back the whole wedding was, and this photo captures it pretty well.

This photo makes me so happy. Click on the photo to see a larger version, and you'll see that the dad's umbrella matches the daughter's outfit and vice versa. It was during the dancing portion of the reception. Yeah, it rained.

It rained ALOT. But that didn't stop the bride from dancing with her guests, even if an umbrella was required.

And here are the newlyweds smooching it up again. She actually pulled him in by his necktie to get this kiss.

Here's a non-wedding photo from the weekend. I wish I could say I actually took the time to look around, but I was anxious to get home, so I only made one little stop by a field of dandelions for a couple shots.

So that's it in a nutshell. The entire wedding photo set (of all 302 photos) is on my other Flickr if anyone's interested.

Thanks for all your well-wishes and votes of confidence. It was a really good learning experience for me.

Weekend In Review

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 20:00:00 +0000

As you can see from this photo, my friend Alana did indeed tie the knot this weekend. Here she is kissing her husband Dave for the very first time as his wife.

Okay, so the title of this post is misleading, as I'm too tired to do an actual review. I'll let the PictoBrowser* do that for me with some of my favorite photos from the special day. Suffice it to say that there were tornado warnings and a lightning storm that lasted, oh, from around 9:30 until at least the time I got back to my hotel after midnight. I learned a lot from this experience, and I'm so thankful to Alana and Dave for entrusting me with the honor of documenting their special day.

*FYI, if you're reading this on my Facebook FlogBlog, the PictoBrowser won't be visible unless you click on the link to the actual blog post on my domain.

Friday Confession

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 17:48:00 +0000

I have the distinct honor and pleasure of photographing my friend Alana's wedding tomorrow. She is a talented designer, photographer, musician, and hot rock 'n' roll mama. I'm so happy for her and her almost-hubby-Dave. It's going to be a beach sunset wedding in Michigan, so no stuffy boring wedding here.

So why the need for a confession? Well, two things. First of all, this will be my first wedding as THE photographer. That scares the bejeebus out of me. I've had butterflies in my stomach for over a week now. I know I should just get over myself, but I still get that, "What if I totally f*ck up?" knot in my brain every time I do a semi-important photoshoot. Wanna know why I'm not shooting photos for a living? This is why. The stress would kill me, I think. And still, I know I'm just second guessing. So like I said, I should just get over myself.

Second, Ted couldn't get off of work for the wedding. Since bringing Cadence to the wedding without someone to watch her would spell potentially disastrous results for my shutterbug duties, I reluctantly decided to leave her at home. What's the big deal? Well, this is an overnight trip, and I've never spent a night away from Cadence since she emerged from my womb. Ok, there was that one Wilco/Detholz! concert in Urbana that I photographed when she was five months old and I didn't get home until the middle of the night, but I was only gone a total of 12 hours then. I skipped Wilco's encore AND pumped breastmilk in the car while Ted drove to keep our time away to a minimum.

I know a bunch of you are laughing at me that I'm actually not jumping up and down with glee that I get a night all to myself in a waterfront hotel in lovely Saugatuck, MI. I know I'm being silly, but I can't help it. I know Cadence will be just fine. I should just embrace this opportunity to be alone to do whatever the heck I want (within reason, of course). Still...I'm gonna feel mighty out of place without my family in tow.

Oh, and this is totally off topic, but some old high school friends and I got together last week while our friend Steve Elliott was in town. Steve has been making quite a name for himself as an author, and was even awarded the Stegner Fellowship @ Stanford University a few years ago, which is a far cry from his teenage days as a ward of the state or homeless in Rogers Park. Anyhoo, it was fun to hang out and catch up.

Happy weekend, everyone!

Best Shot(s) Monday--Back to the Cadence Channel

noreply@blogger.com (Sarah-Ji) — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 17:06:00 +0000

I feel like I've lately neglected my duty to post an adequate amount of photos of Cadence, so it's a good thing I took a whole bunch of photos of her this weekend. Here she is sporting her new Woody Guthrie dress that I made on the train last week. It just so happens that Woody has been a long-time dead celebrity crush for me, along with the likes of Nick Drake (hopeless, I know) and Dostoevsky.

Okay, I realize this isn't a photo of Cadence, but just take my word for it that Cadence was only a couple feet away from where this shot was taken. Besides, I just couldn't resist posting a photo of Baby Jack double-fisting shakey eggs. Just look at that stance, that grasp, those curly locks!

And this may SEEM like a photo of Rudden, but if you look carefully, you will notice Cadence right behind him, like a little crown upon his head. I just couldn't resist the synchronicity of this shot. It's like the kids are performing an intricately choreographed dance of BLUR.

OK, back to the Cadence Channel. We decided after church yesterday that it would be a good idea to let Cadence run around some more in Giddings Plaza. Since Cafe Selmarie is right there, we lunched on their delectable oatmeal chocolate chip cookies (just two--one for me and one for Cadence; Ted's on a really party-pooping liver cleanse this week) and fresh squeezed OJ. Talk about a sugar high. At least I got this sweet shot of Cadence. I usually hate photographing in bright sun (and yesterday's light quality can only be described as blindingly bright sunshine), but I caught this moment when some light was inexplicably shining onto her face, and she actually WAITED for me to press the shutter! She must've known she looked good or something.

While walking back to our car, Cadence happened to spy this sad looking dandelion growing in a sparsely green dirt patch, and I just love how she bent down to smell it, as if it were the most fragrant blossom to ever grace her path. Then she picked it and showed it to me.

Then she tried to blow the wishes away, but alas, they were all gone already. Oh well. I just love how good Woody looks in this photo...

And now I reveal to you my most embarrassing photo technique, just discovered yesterday, and that is the Laptop Reflector. I realized that the glow of the laptop on Cadence's face as she numbed her mind on some Nick Jr. was quite suitable for photographing her in our dimly lit dining room.

Can you just SEE the brain cells taking a flying leap into oblivion? Eh, I still happen to really like the effect.

Her face looks much better lit up like this, believe me. And the glow is so subtle, it's...perfect.

We did get outside before the sun went down, since it was a beautiful day and all. Cadence even got to find some more "flowers" that actually had wishes left on them.

Since dandelions breed like bunnies in our neighborhood, Cadence was able to gather up armfuls of them.

I just love how some of our neighbors let their weeds grow wild. Well-kempt lawns are so over-rated. If it weren't for those cars in the background, you'd think this photo had been taken in the country, or forest preserves, at least. And I bet if I hadn't said anything about those cars, you wouldn't have even noticed.

Back indoors, Cadence had some nekkid time. FYI, I don't post totally nekkid photos of my kid for the whole universe to see because, believe it or not, I have SOME boundaries. Well, actually, it's to save folks out there with REAL boundaries the trouble of wasting their time judging me. I see it as an act of charity and not self-censorship.

So you'll just have to take my word for it that the sight of a totally nekkid Cadence banging on her toy piano while doing Max's Wild Rumpus dance was quite the visual extravaganza. And I know she's doing the Wild Rumpus dance because while she's jumping up and down and hopping from foot to foot while her hands do the same on the piano, she's yelling, "AND now, let the WILD RUMPUS START!"

Gotta love this kid.

You can see more folk's Best Shots on Tracey' Mother May I.

P.S. I have a post up on Shutter Sisters. Check it out to find your chance to win a totally awesome photo book.